before christmas excitement

feeling a lot better today.



christmas is so IN me already! so....


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

...may you all have a sweet christmas...

see you after christmas.

;p

tired and exhausted

have you ever had that day when everything just isn't right? when even though how hard you try, it just doesn't work out? no matter how much effort you put into something, they just don't seem right?

i'm tired of that day. i am tired of reliving that moment in my life. i just couldn't understand why i have to suffer much each time this kind of day comes. why i have to put my emotions at risk. i am halfway to crying, yet still don't understand why. i can't find any damn reason why i feel so bad right now. i shouldn't be blogging, i should be down there, enjoying myself at our christmas party. but i just couldn't stop myself from opening my blog and typing whatever comes out of my mind. i want to type endlessly, if breathing out my thoughts means lightening this burden, well then, may God allow me to never leave this computer ever.

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i have lost a lot of things. i have lost a lot of time. i have lost chances that were supposed to become moments. i have lost the people i love because i constantly pushed them away. i have lost my identity, my inner being. i realized, this is no longer who i really am. and now, i don't know where to find all of them. i feel empty, perhaps unsatisfied.

they have gone and left nothing.

on the three days before christmas

three more days to go and it's christmas time...

three more days to finish my last minute christmas shopping for my dad, mom, and siblings...(gawd)

three more days to eat as much as i can and then it's diet period. seriously.

three more days to think of our christmas get away...

three more days to wait until i open my christmas gifts. wee....

three more days to attend simbang gabi...(i haven't attended a single one)

three more days to enjoy living a school-free, stress-free, becky-full life...

three more days to save up more money to buy more gifts...

three more days to wake up and realize that Christmas really is coming...

the girl who will be the next becky bloomwood

becky bloomwood is just so fab! i really can't get enough of her. i have been so addicted with her that i would trade dinner over finishing the 4th sequel of her shopping adventures! gawd, i so love sophie kinsella for being such a genius and thought of creating a character like becky.

so what exaclty am i talking about? ok, here's a little info about who rebecca bloomwood is. she was a financial journalist turned personal shopper. so the title of the first book tells it all, "confessions of a shopaholic". becky is a certified shopping addict, she is the goddess of all gods and goddesses of shopaholics. she can't resist the temptation of buying everything she lays her eyes on. from clothes to shoes to bags to luggage and even to oh well, pretty much everything! she has this kind of thought that when she buys this something she'll be remembered as the woman with the, let's say, her infamous Denny & George scarf (oh, i so love that scarf). she tends to go beyond borders on almost everything, shopping, dreaming and as well as getting her way through her problems. that's about it, i don't want to be such a spoiler. you better buy the first one, or better yet, buy all four like what i did! you're so gonna love it. you'll laugh, cry, get angry, and simply adore all those stuff she buys.

why i love it? simply because i can totally relate on how she feels whenever she sees something she likes, except that she pretty much gets it, while i don't. poor me. anyway, i'm kind of the impulsive shopper too. i buy something when i find it cute not realizing i don't really need to buy one. i have been so careless on buying things with not my own money, but mt mom's. well, she never complains about it so i thought it was okay. i soon realized it wasn't okay. i have been wasting money over a 400 peso faddish bracelet while my parents are working just to earn that money. i don't want to end up having huge problems like becky, huge enough to ruin her life not only once just because of not controling herself in shopping. but i do want to be like becky. i want to be brave enough to face the problems that come my way. i want to learn from the mistakes i have done. i want to be in debt yet still manage to get my way out of it. i want to send stupid letters to bank managers with some weird excuses for not paying my debts. i want to marry a guy named luke brandon who owns a big time PR company in new york and london. i want to get married in The Plaza and at the comfort of my own backyard. i want to travel the whole world with my husband for our honeymoon. i want to be a personal shopper at Barney's. i want to have a best friend named Suze and spend lots of fun and make over nights with her.i want to have a sister named jess who doesn't have anything common with me. i want to go shopping almost everyday and spend millions od pounds and dollars on shopping. i want to have my own Angel bag bought in Milan. i want to be remembered as the girl obsessed with rebecca bloomwood or better yet as the second beck bloomwood.

oops! i kind of gone overboard. i know i am not supposed to share much, but i guess you have gotten some hinches already about the books. anyway, i am now waiting for the fifth book, Shopaholic & Baby. i don't want to dare miss this one. i have to buy it, i just have to. i hate to wait until february. ugh. that's like---counting---two whole months! if only anybodu could manage to get me the book earlier. hmmm. but patience is a virtue. i know i will soon get my hands on the fifth book.

soooo excited....

guilt

i have never felt so ashamed as i am now. i am embarrassed of myself and of what i did. i never expected that anyone other than my friends are looking through my blog and my posts. i was ultimately surprised to see him tagging. at first, i thought it was just some prank tagger who had nothing to do so decided to write something in my tag board. the name mlq3 did not immediately register in my head. when i clicked on the link, a big Manuel L. Quezon III header slapped me on the face. the person who tagged on my blog was none other than Mr. Manolo himself. well, that's what i tried to make myself believe. but if it wasn't him, whoever you are, if you're just trying to pull a prank, you did very well. thanks for convincing me it's mr. quezon. but if it really was you, mr. quezon, thank you and sorry. thank you for tagging and for making me realize how much i overreacted. and sorry for despising you, i don't really mean it. i wish to take back anything i have said against you.

i realized how insensitive i have become with the words i uttered. i have been so selfsich of my own feelings. i never considered what others might feel upon reading my blog. i have learned to be more careful with what i write in my blog, but not forgetting my purpose to express freely. the defeat over the presscon was my fault and not mr. manolo's. it was i who failied and not him. i shouldn't have used his name just to cover up the depression i had. again, so sorry.

what i want for christmas

morality tells us it is better to give than to receive, but humans as we are, we can't resist that feeling of excitement whenever we receive something that it makes us (or me) to jump for joy when i get lovely presents. call me selfish but receiving gifts really lighten me up. better to receive than to give. haha.

this is probably the first christmas party that i received lots of gifts from my friends and from others. i had a lot to take home but nothing to open on christmas eve. i've gotten too excited that i opened all my gifts already. thank you to all those who remembered me and thank you for your wonderful gifts. i really appreciate all of them. you have granted my wishes for christmas and i couldn't thank you enough.

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finally, after 21 cups of coffee and frappucino, i got my Starbucks planner! wee. total bliss. thanks to my starbucks addict father, i managed to get all 21 stickers. and now that i have my new and so fab planner, i am dying to write on it already. i also got a free starbucks pen. yahoo. plus i even had the chance to donate to SparkHope. thanks dad for giving me what i wanted for christmas. this is way better than my impossible dream for a laptop.

i admit, i am materialistic, but i do believe all of us are. somewhere in our hearts, we are craving to have that something. it may not be as deep as true love or peace or whatever, but these material things which are truly worthless give us this feeling of pleasure and satisfaction even for a moment. they are the sparks of hope that lighten our burden over failing to achieve our deeper wishes.

RSPC, etc.

just when i was already halfway in writing my post about rizal, brownout! ugh. now i know how it feels . and now i have to start all over again. kainis.

during my six four day in Rizal, i was so ecited and eager to write all my experiences but as soon as i finally had the time to type away, laziness wrapped me. iroically, the excitement over updating my blog faded away. i am considered to just sip my lips and not share, but i felt guilty not to share. i mean i don't want to be selfish and not share, or give, like what i stood for in my editorial. so get ready for a pretty long post.

day one
the heavy rains and the strong winds still woke me up. finally, natuloy rin. i managed to take a cold shower and go to lipa. i arrived early and heavy rains followed me there. and after eons, we managed to drive to rizal. we had to go through heavy traffic, hunger groans and dead ends before we reached our quarters. but the long wait was worth it anyway, san francisco elem. school ws so beautiful, much like a resort if you ask me. we had a perfect view of what we thought was manila bay. we had a tv in our room. but we also had to pay a big price for that. our quarters was way out of civilization. we had to travel and get lost for more than an hour to reach our contest venue. so anyway, the first day was spent on looking for the school and a bit a cam whoring with our cute pajamas.

day two
photojourn started but still no editorial, so i spent most of the time strolling in the boring tiangge. i had nothing to do this day. it was eating sleeping eating and sleeping again. totally boring day for me. while arjae and rizelle were busy taking pictures under the heat, i was also busy--sleeping. haha. after their session, we went back to the quarters since rizelle was not feeling well. we had our siesta time, meaning more sleeping time for me. the rest of the afternoon was spent trying to think of something to do. we missed the sunset, but promised to watch it the next day. word for the day: sleep. ;p

day three
arjae and i were to lazy to take a shower since we already had one last night. we were also too lazy to even go to the comfort room to get dressed. so guess how did we get to our day clothes? under our blankets we hide and then the magic happened. haha. we were laughing at ourselves while we were getting dressed, trying to figure out how we could fit our pants. in the end, we did it. i really had fun doing it. we traveled to the contest venue and still no editorial contest. ugh. photo lay outing started. well, arjae unexpectedly called me. and... she's okay, no more story. right arj? anyway, rizelle went home since she was feeling really bad. miss noemi arrived that day so it was bye bye for miss nerisse. i slept early since i will be competing the next day. until now, i regretted having to sleep early and missing the six shooting stars and the englidh speaking chit chat with carlos. huhu. arjae, you finally figured out what to wish for. yey.

day four (contest day/final day/shopping spree day)
finally, the moment i've been waiting for finally came, or so i thought. we arrived very aerly so as to prepare me for the contest. we were very excited and anxious at the same time, but that stupid-TH singer-corny facilitator announced the contest was postponed to later this afternoon at 1pm. it was only 8am when he announced! grrr, i hate him. i hate manuel quezon III for being so irresponsible with his schedule. i hate them both for ruining our neatly planned trip to tensadillas tiendisitas right after the contest. we don't have any choice but to wait. at around 12, the contest started. the topic was completely unexpected!"This christmas season: is it right to give or to receive?" i despise quezon for giving that topic. i despise the rspc. the topic was completely not fit for an editorial, more of an essay or a feature article. but anyway, i tried to give my best but i guess quezon did not appreciate my style. so what? it's not my world!(quoted from ms. noemi) i am happy just to express how i feel about the topic. goodbye baguio. goodbye nspc. hello tiendesitas. haha.

after the contest, we had a chance to even for two hours to unwind and breathe out all the stress from the press con. and what better way to relax than to go on a shopping spree? wee. i went gaga over the shops there. so thanks arjae for influencing us to go there. i bought my december 15 christmas party outfit plus a bag and some paarte. really fun. and to make the long story short, i was home sweet home by 9pm.

RSPC finally ended, but i am not leaving behind all the fun, sleep, lessons, heat, food, picturesque views, traffic, shocking bumbongs and almost forgot, boys i had during the regionals.

a little info on boys, we managed to spot two ultimate cuties. lucena boy-slash-patrick look alike and my supposed to be fate from tiaong. fate already brought us together, but i was too shy(?) to make any move. too bad. oh well, i don't enjoy long distance love affair anyway. haha.


i'm still a winner. i don't need any award or any contest to express my thoughts. my pen, my dulce, and my blog are enough to make me feel that i can be a writer.

DELAYED

cold winds and heavy rains woke me up this morning. i received a message from miss noemi; she was worried about our trip this afternoon. then i just realized we were leaving nga pala today. i had a feeling our trip to rizal will be postponed because of seniang. well, thanks again to the rain, for ruining another day. text messages came telling me that the trip ws cancelled. i was already panicking about going to school tomorrow unprepared. i mean, i have already set my mind that i will be away for seven days, i can't just go back?

after i arrived from the church, miss nerisse texted me apologizing for the cancellation of the trip til tomorrow morning. so the final decisionwas 6am tomorrow at the hls. haha. seems like we're going to abroad ahh. delayed trips and ungodly hours. haha. anyway, it's good na rin it was cancelled. i don't want to risk myself out there when i know there's a typhoon.

and now, excitement atarts to fade alerady. i have been waiting for the regionals for so long that each passing day, my excitement over it lessens. i'm getting a bit annoyed that waiting seemed so long. my hands could not wait any longer. and my pen craves for writing.

so rizal will have to wait until tomorrow. it will be a battle between my pen and seniang.

miss you's and goodbye's

i hate goodbyes. i hate the feeling of leaving behind people you truly love. i hate to see my friends crying and hugging us as if there's no tomorrow. i hate goodbyes.

for one whole week, i will be away from internet, from school, from ym, from cramming moments, from literary criticism and from physics. also, for seven whole days, i will be away from the people who continuously sweeten my lemons. these people are my friends, my seatmates and my other classmates. just this afternoon, we had one of the most painful goodbyes ever. we cannot help but hug each other tightly and tell how much we'll be missing each. pictures were taken. songs were chanted. laughter surrounded all of us. but these things cannot amount to how much i will be missing them.

i'm really gonna miss you guys! so much!!!

and as i left, i promised that i will try to bring home pasalubong (plus a medal if granted ;p), all for them. so wish us luck! everything we will do during the next week will be for you. so be sure to prepare a grand christmas party when we get back. *laughs*

strangers knocking at my door

so what is on my to-do list for this night?

quiz on math about circular function
assignment in physics about UCM
recitation in physics, economics
chapters 4-7 of el fili
thesis proposal of our literary criticism
news article for bulik

and what have i finished? na dah. nothing. wala lang. i just don't feel like starting anything pa.

for the past nights, i have been contemplating on how i have lived my high school life. i once wrote a reco letter to my friend telling her to enjoy her high school days unlike me, all i did was study, study, study and barely had time to stop and enjoy the simple pleasures of high school. i realized how focused i was on my academics that i only had less time to enjoy, as in plain fun, and more time to mumble words by myself and to wake up at ungodly hours just to study and finish assignments. and now that i am near my diploma, i figured, i am gonna graduate na rin naman, why not lie low on my studies for a while? why not let the stranger, laziness sink in to me for once? i have stressed myself enough already, now is the time to breathe out all the stress and let some carefree energy in.

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a trusted friend-slash-fortune teller told me, using her new fortune telling strategy- palm reading, that i will soon be involved in, yes, in another old stranger, a serious relationship.well,
i don't if i should be happy or if i should fear this omen.

i trust you berna, i just don't know if i should count on it. haha.

a splinter left

when i thought i will be having a long fun and fruitful weekend, once again, she has managed to ruined it all. i was already listing down my what to buy's for our trip to manila tomorrow, it was supposed to be a christmas shopping, when she told me that she's cancelling the trip. my mood turned from super excited to super pissed. why does she have to do it all the time? why does she have to ruin my perfect moments? why does she have to purposely break my heart? this is not about just shopping anymore, this is about her and her evil plan of making me feel that i do not deserve, even at the least, to feel good about myself.

i am a total wreck, if that's what you want to make me feel. in fact, that's the only thing i can feel from you. i never felt any sign of happiness from you for me. neither did you feel or even appreciate any feeling i have for you. you never appreciated all the things i do. you never knew how much i try to get your attention and let you know that i can be as wacky or kulet as my other siblings. you never felt so happy to know that i won a contest or anything. i never felt any mark of being proud that i'm your daughter. it's as if nothing happened. all that you ever gave me is a splinter from your heart, a tiny little piece that keeps me going and believing that someday, you will wake up and realize how much i love you and how much you have missed from me.

i know you will soon wake up. i know you'll make up from your losses. i just wish this splinter would be enough to keep my hopes up until that waking moment.

another love letter

we left la salle at around 6:20 and during that time i was already in my worst mood. i have so many things to accomplish tonight yet still haven't started on anything. so we waited for nothing. for 30 minutes, we waited for my sooo stupid servicemate and ended up leaving him behind na rin. i was too tired and too angry to chat with my servicemates that i just slept throughout the trip.

and then i heard an unfamiliar sound, my phone beeped. i just received a text message. arjae texted telling that there won't be any class tomorrow. wee. this is all thanks to my new lover, "reming". haha. he managed to beat milenyo. so you better wait for another love letter. anyway, i repeat. NO CLASSES. meaning, no damn physics exam. no tle exam. hoorah! sadly, there wouldn't be any practice for lyf tomorrow also. i enjoyed the previous practice. i wonder if we would make fools out of ourselves on friday. i mean, no practice=disaster, right? and there would be no presscon training too. awww, too bad.

Enclosed is my love letter. please do take time to read it.

to my dear reming,

first of all, nice name. very much pinoy. anyway, let me get straight to the point. thank you very much. you just made my day. you sure love surprises. i mean, coming to me in such short notice. but do not worry for i have prepared myself so that we can have one day to get wet and wild(?!). haha. i am expecting to enjoy myself tomorrow. so i think it would be better if you do not come so close to Batangas, specifically batangas city. please try to remember that.

let us all enjoy our day tomorrow. and thank you once again for your utmost consideration.

loving the rain more,
ami

chances

for the whole week, i have been worrying about our contest tomorrow. i'm not bragging here okay. i'm just anxious that i would make a fool out of myself. i barely reviewed today. in our whole day of training, i only spent about 3 hours reviewing and the rest of the time, ahhmm, wondering about the campus looking for cute lyfers. haha. cutting classes trainings shall i call it. anyway, so i have been very pessimistic. i keep on telling my friends that i won't win or barely answer the questions. i mean, who am i joining the contest with? just the top students of our school and two other brainiacs. plus me, just an ordinary student pretending i'm good at chem. gawd, i'm totally depressing myself here. just wish me luck for tomorrow. whining over it won't do me any good, so i guess i have to make the best out of it. *fingers crossed*

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i never felt so happy seeing my old friends again. if it wasn't for lyf, i would not be given the chance to see them again. i'm so glad they still remember me after all those years. and to top it alll off, i still managed to meet my old bestie. weee. super fun. too bad i didn't see much cuties though.

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dilemma. chemistry or press con? i regretted having to choose chem over the press con training. first, because the chem training turned out to be very futile. second, i didn't enjoy it. third, i didn't get the chance to learn our lipa jingle. it could've been very funny. haha. finally, my mind and heart weren't at all happy with my decision. they were blaming me for the decision i made. a heavy feeling surrounded me all day, wishing i was at the training rather than stuck at the lrc.

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"Chances can come and go in a blink of an eye. while regret can last for a lifetime." -got this from one of the quotations made by someone in ls404. ;)

gathered thoughts for the day

ngayong araw na ito, ako kasama ang aking mga kaibigan-slash-kabulik na sina rizelle at arjae ay pumunta sa Claro M. Recto Memorial School upang dumalo sa pagsasanay para sa regional press con. sa kalahating araw na ito, hindi lamang pagsusulat ang aking natutunan.

tanghaling tapat, lulan ng trike kasama ang aking guro ay nagtungo kami papunta sa paaralan ng CM Recto. sa kasamaang palad, ang gahaman na trike drayber pala ay hindi rin nalalaman kung saan ba ang naturang paaralan. ang byahe papunta sa paaralan ay naging sight seeing trip ko sa lungsod ng lipa. ngayon lamang, sa apat na taong pananatili ko sa lasal, aking nakita ang ilang bahagi pa ng lipa. ito pala ay puno rin ng mga eskinita at maliliit na kalye gaya ng sarili kong lungsod. sa aming paghahanap sa eskwelahan, nakarating kami sa isang punerarya o libingan pati na rin sa isang day care center na inakala ng drayber na tinutukoy naming paaralan. sa kamalas-malasan, tama na pala ang una naming narating na paaralan ngunit hindi namin agad ito napansin. sayang ang oras. sayang ang gas ni manong. kalahating oras kaming namasyal o naghanap ng paaralan bago narating ang CM Recto. buti na nga lamang at maaga pa rin pala kami.

nagsimula na ang aming pagsasanay. ako'y bigo. inakala ko na ang aming taga-sanay ay yaong nagsanay rin sa amin noong huling pagsasanay. hindi pala. ang kanilang ipinalit ay isang matandang babae na nakasuot ng kulay ube na damit. napansin ko lang, mukha siyang buntis kapag nakatagilid. simula pa lamang, inaantok na ako. pinagsulat pa kami ng isang editoryal ukol sa dengue. malas na naman, wala akong alam tungkol dito. nagtanong ako kung pwedeng ibang paksa, pumayag naman. buti na lang. pero kahit ganoo'y wala pa rin akong gana magsulat. yae na, kung ano na lamang ang maisulat ko.

matapos magsulat, nagsimula ang mas nakakatamad na diskusyon. kung hindi nga lamang ako nahihiya, natulog na dapat ako. kung anu-ano ang pinagsasabi, hindi naman tumatama sa kung ano ang dapat niyang talakayin. nagbasa na lamang ako ng dyaryo. namura pa kami, napakatahimik daw namin, hindi na umimik. eh ano naman? bahala ka.

hindi ko kailangang makinig sa isang bagay na alam kong hindi tama. ang isang mamamahayag na tulad ko ay marunong makaintindi kung ano dapat kong gawin. hindi ako nangangailangan ng anumang pagdidikta, lalo na mula sa mga taong nagmamagaling na tulad ng babaeng nakasuot ng kulay ubeng blusa.

matapos ang napakahabang pagtuturo nga ba ay umalis na kami. sabaw na ako. piga na ang utak. lumubog na ang araw.

a donut for kuya

i was buying my coffee at starbucks, toffee nut latte when i saw that there was one doughnut left. my sister approached me and said, yan may isa pa, sayang wala si kuya. and she was right, it was too bad my brother wasn't there. he craved for the chocolate doughnut of starbucks so much, and whenever he wants one, there wouldn't be any left. i just realized that probably, i do miss my brother whenever he goes back to manila. not just me, but all of us do. it's so different without him. our house is less noisy. there wouldn't be anyone who will criticize and make pula on my outfit. there wouldn't be anyone who will laugh at me for my stupidity. there wouldn't be anyone who will wrestle me. and there wouldn't be anyone who will laugh with me when we make fun of our younger siblings. oh God, i miss kuya.

i don't want to get so emotional here since her girlfriend might see this and i don't want her to make kwento of this to him. so karyss, if you happen to read this post, let's keep it as a secret between the two of us. thanks!

and if one doughnut is all it takes to make him come home, then i will give it him, for free pa. even two doughnuts plus a choco frappucino if he likes.

pahabol

thank God naihabol ko new skin before the sem break ends. after long hours in front of the computer, i finished it na.
it turns out the two proposed backgrounds didn't come out. haha. anyway, this new skin look nice na rin. i feel so fulfilled seeing my new skin. ok so it's not really a skin. i just put a picture and then voila. my new skin. haha. it may appear very simple to you but to me,it's not. i worked hard on this one. i reall did. so i do hope you can appreciate it somehow. tell me what you think about it! please do post a comment on my tag board. anything you post will be truly appreciated. thanks!
...and now I'm ready to do my pile of homework!...

oh crap!!!!!!

just when i thought everything in my life is going smoothly and happier, reality struck me with the fact that nothing in this world is perfect. there can never be anything such as perfect. but why does it have to hit me so hard? a punch to my almost perfect life. call me overreacting or whatever you want.

though the dvd player has been sort of cursed, though i was having a bad cold, the slumber party was a hit! totally fun. it was my first time to sleep somewhere other than my comfy bed. but the comforter and the pile of pillows were enough to remind me that i was still home. that sense of home-y feeling was there. saya. i wish reality never came. horror strcuk me, and hit me hard.

just as i was writing my postpost(weird) of our slumber party, my mom told me that i can't come and join them tomorrow. we were supposed to go to manila for my brother's enrollment and then go to greenhills then to market2 to shop. a total heaven for a shopaholic right? and i won't even get the chance to enjoy it. i am looking forward to it talaga, i even prepared my clothes beforehand, even before i prepared my things for the sleepover! grrr. crap! and all are ruined. i really hate it. ok, i know this is the point you'll see me as an oa girl in her oa world. i am oa! and i think i have the right to be! why can't i come? why do i have to be stuck in that lousy tindahan all day doing nothing but devouring myself with thoughts of shopping and bazaars, things i cannot have. i lost my chance of having a big break. all thanks to my mom. i'm sorry im being very mean to her, but she really is the reason of it all. call me selfish, but she did promised last week pa na i can come. why all of a sudden break my heart?!

returned from hibernation

i felt so guilty seeing that my last post was october 2 pa, during milenyo period. so i figured i should compensate for the long period of time i hadn't posted.

here goes.

quarterly exams. dreadful. i got lower grades from my subjects. i didn't improve at all. i almost flunked filipino. i am just waiting for my 84 during card distribution.

division press con. weee. we won. though social injustice as nhet would call it, is very evident during the contest, we managed to grab awards. Arjae, rizelle, and I are going to rizal! yea. really excited about it. wish us luck so we'll be able to go to baguio, and then go bar hopping, err, i mean compete there. haha.

inter la salle. a very big event i've been dying to see. so many boys, so little time. hehe. imagine, lsgh, zobel and other papa-bles, all in one place. can't wait to see them. plus, i hope i can be granted a special pass since i will be covering the whole event for bulik. thank God I'm a chicken! couldn't wish for anything else.

slumber party! this will be my very first time to sleep somewhere other than my own bed. weee. besides inter la salle, i am also looking forward to this. we'll be staying at arjae's place tomorrow til the next day. totally excited.

well, that's about it. a summary fo my recent events that i forgot to share. really sorry. but i have a valid reason for not updating. i am actually in the process of making, yep, making my own blog layout. i'm creating it myself, thanks to photoshop. i hope i could finish it sooner. still having a problem with frontpage. i'm kind of lost. hehe.

will you be very nice to help me in making my new layout? can you choose one from the two proposed backgrounds? thanks! <3



*note: the color isn't right. it's supposed to have a brown background.

mood swings

how can a day filled with kawindangan and exhaustion become so great? a smile can do that. ;)

the first hours were such a mess. i cried over a cheesy movie during filipino then laughed and ruined our group's presentation in english. worse, it was because of me why we didn't get a perfect grade! uh-oh. after recess, computer. dinali ng katamaran, i hastily finished my mp4. i was bored doing it. i ended up submitting a stupid web page. lastly, physics. i dunno what happened, but i was completely distracted(?) during this hour. i never understood any question on our seatwork. thank God mara was there. she did more than half of the work.

this is were the fun begins. as i was approaching our service van, i saw people huddling near the van. i thought they were just some students who have nowhere else to go. anyway, my poor contacts proved me wrong, guess who it was,err, i mean, who they were. haha. why would i tell you? it's a secret. but definitely, my day ended a lot happier, opposite of what i had in mind. definitely in bliss.

love letter for the rain

dearest milenyo:

what can i say? you really made my day. moving at 13 km/h west, northwest of samar, you contiuously approach the tagalog region including me. haha. you immediately caught my attention with your "slowly but surely" strategy, 13 kph, quite slow for a toughie like you. anyway, i would like to express my deepest gratitude to you. you managed to erase all the stress in my head even for a while. i sure need a rest and finally, you answered my prayer. i am loving you now, milenyo. hehe. and may you continue to show your "kindness" by trying to stay here in the tagalog region longer, how about one more day? it will be truly appreciated. one reminder though, try not to be too harsh on us and keep some distance for you might hinder me from doing my "resting agenda" for tomorrow; read, shopping at sm. haha. thanks again.

loving the rain,
ami

wishing

finally, i'm on my last draft for my vietnam-phil essay. after long weeks of agony, i finally am ready to submit my work to DepEd. it feels good that somehow, i am able to accomplish something i didn't know i can do. hihi. let's party. the only thing missing are the tickets to vietnam. haha. asa pa.

i am wishing. wishing that we'll be together tomorrow, at least for two hours. as we choose the same path to take, how come we still can't meet? i do wish that finally, tomorrow, i can see you. at least see you, i'm not even wishing that you'll talk to me. i just want to stay in the same place with you. call me stalker, but i am wishing, desperately. oh God, i am becoming very pathetic. please grant this wish, a very simple wish, but why can't it come true? why can't fate bring us together?
*forget this. i just realized this paragraph is very senseless. very pathetic. even more pathetic than wishing for something. so what if we didn't stay in the same room nor talked to each other, i got the chance to greet you and that's enough. i don't want to be branded as a stalker.

jinxed

am i? i don't know. i think i am.

tomorrow's the big pictorial day and i feel anxious. i just got my costume for tomorrow and i then realized, i don't actually look good on it. the top is too big. the colors don't really match and to top it all off, i don't look pretty! mukhang th.

i swear. i may be overreacting but i think it's true. worse, i keep on thinking that my classmates will all look good while i'm the one left ugly. i've given some cute ideas for their pics and even offered bringing things they could possibly need, leaving my own picture unattended.

i just hope they'll help me get through my costume. i mean, i helped them, don't i deserve some help too?

good luck on my stupid rag doll idea.

too excited

yeah, i am, definitely. too excited for our grad picture taking. we are the first class to have our pictures taken and i don't have any idea on what will happen. we were scheduled for a two hour pictorial. and i'm just wondering, how on earth can we finish in two hours?! a formal picture plus a creative one multiplied by 45 students. how's that?!

creative picture. i am taking this one seriously. i even bought new clothes and made patahi pa. i want it to be perfect and i do hope it will be. this is my first grad pic, i have to look good. the whole la salle will see me in the year book and i don't want to look stupid. by the way, for the creative pic, i'll be like a doll. you know those dollies little girls used to play with? that sort of stuff. with all the baby clothes and pink cheeks and big bows and all. haha. i wonder how i'll look like. hmmm.

and i wonder? how did i end up with a doll picture? i don't know either. it just looks cute. haha. maybe that's the only reason i can think of. haha.

***oh, and by the way again. my v3i's still broken. huhu. poor me. so that means, no picture sessions with nhet on monday. huhu. sayang. ***

when life gives you lemons

i'm depresed. know why? my phone broke. yep motorola v3i phone broke. huhu. it has been two days since it gave up. and i still haven't told my dad about it coz i know he's going to kill me when he finds out! omg, so what will i do?

it started yesterday when my dad gave me his old sun sim card. ako naman si tanga, too excited, i immediately tried the sim card on my phone. and so that's it. the end of my phone. after i put back my tm sim card, there was no longer a signal. tension starts. well, i was kind of optimistic pa at first, i thought maybe there was problem on the network and not on my phone. the day ended with my phone not having any signal. until now, it still doesn't have any signal even if i try using other sim cards. damn.

how can i tell my dad about it?! i only got this phone for 3 months, sira na agad. God, i am burara. oh no.

latest skin

ok it's very obvious. i've got a new layout here. much different from the first one that's full of light colors and girly stuff. now's much different. aside from the darker shades, everything else seems gloomy, but still with a touch of girly-ness.

it reflects my personality. the first skin, nothing but a fairy tale, reflects my dreamer side, my thoughts and imagination. however, due to recent events, i ahd no choice but to, uhhmm, end the fairy tale. the lay otu no longer implies my personality. reality already fetched me and told me it's time to wake up from my dream. face the real world.

and now here i am. though no longer living in a fairy tale, i am more confident. confident to say that i am, yes, beautiful. sounds mayabang. yeah i know. i dont pertain the physical beauty here you know. i have grown to be a more matured person, no more games, no more fooling around. i have learned to appreciate what i ahve within and tried to make it come out of its shell and let it bloom. simultaneously, i bloom as well.

i am beautiful. saying these words reduces my anger from a very bad day. they make me feel that somewhere within me, i have something to be proud of. try it. be confident to tell the world that you are beautiful. believe me, saying i am beautiful, even to yourself, really helps lighten the burden.

sniffs

i finished my essay. well almost. i only need any bad news report about vietnam. an anyone who can give me one will forever be loved! ;)

after 3 hours and 36 minutes of staying in front of the computer, i did it! i know i didn't do so well on my essay (i'm being frank here), i really don't care anymore. finishing it is already an achievment for me. i'm not expecting to win a trip for two to vietnam, i'm expecting a lot of red marks when i get it back from miss samonte, a lot of revisions! i don't care, at least, some dulce was present in my work. yep, after tiring yet unfruitful nights, i finally learned to enjoy what i'm writing.

and now, i have this stupid cold. sniff. really hard, i'm not used to it. sniff.

anyway, i'm still waiting on that vietnam news!

blind itemS

you didn't even reply. i mean, yeah, i should not ask for a thank you from you or anything but i somehow expected that you'd say thanks but you didn't. napahiya lang ako. i know i shouldn't feel ashamed, why should i? i don't like you anymore, i would like to make that clear, but your reply seemed important since it's a proof that our relationship as friends is stable. guess not. anyway, have fun with your life birthday boy.


i saw you not only once, but i-can't-remember times. plus, you even called my name just to get my attention. hah, this is definitely bliss. i should be very happy coz i keep on seeing you. why wouldn't i? you stay just meters inches away from me. but ironically, i don't feel the same kilig i felt before, the feeling somehow continuously fades away, replaced by something fresher?


seeing you definitely made my afternoon better. i don't know, maybe i am kind of liking you. but you're not even handsome or have the great look he has? i don't want this feeling to get stronger because i'm not sure if this is for real. you might as well stay away from me, or let me stay away from you.

shopping blues

this day has been a mess. i was supposed to buy a lot of things but i was not able to buy anything at all. due to the attack of the D. don't ask what D means, you don't wanna know.

first, supposedly, i'll buy na the old rose vintage top i've been dying to get. i don't know, maybe God decided i have to much clothes already. the top was gone, as in not a single one was left. when i went there last week, there were about 6 pieces pa. how could that possibly happen?! i failed to see a nice replacement too, so nothing to buy for rizelle too. sorry about that. in order to cheer myself up, i just bought a cute bracelet and a nice bag that was supposed to match my top.

the D strikes. after having dinner at yellow cab, hell started. i was having goosebumps, and breaking out into a cold sweat. i didn't know what to do, i ahd no choice but to reach for the nearest... you get the picture. after that, i requested that we go home na, so my whole shopping time in sm was ruined because of hell. i have a lot of to do's pa naman.

• 2x2 picture for my dlsu application form
• buy shades for intrams
• do a favor for rizelle
• buy a blank cd for our lipsynch
• look for a replacement to my vintage top

grrr...now i realized, bad shoes and empty pockets aren't the only things that can affect shopaholics.

last dance was supposed to be our last chance

i don't know how i should feel, i have already cried enough, i don't want to continue crying over something that already happened, something i can't change. but then again i thought what else can i do but to cry? i am a sour loser, so what? i don't care about what you say. fuck you. this was the most imperfect cherry on top of our last year in high school. really depressing. how i wish i can kick all their ass and to prove to all of them we are the best. we'll show you all. *hmph*

ponytails are lucky..paranoid speaks

yep, i've proven it, ponytails are indeed lucky.well for me, they are. today was such a great day, everything happened according to what i want, no bad luck or anything.

the devil celebrates her birthday... and we made it very memorable for her. for the first time in her teaching career, she said it was the first time she did nothing for an entire period. haha. really fun. but the tension was still there, was she really happy or is the devil just pretending to be happy about the wasted hour meant for a quiz, just because it was the devil's birthday? anyway, i don't really care, it was nice to get some rest though.

how to make cheesesticks... it was very unexpected that joyce and i would get perfect or even be given the chance to present our article in front. wow, i still can't believe that i'm doing good on this subject this quarter, compared to the first quarter where in english was really hell for me. i'm still in awe. ;0

'til our last dance... tomorrow's the big day and our view suddenly changed due to an advice given by one of our subject teachers. you should remember, this is your last dance, your last show to prove to them that you're the best. it struck me talaga, oo nga pala noh. all we were thinking about was winning and nothing more, but now, our purpose is to have fun and give our best, prove our unity to them all. i know everything will fall into place once we achieve this purpose. hand in hand... 'till our last dance...awww..

and again tomorrow will also be a lucky day, we're wearing ponytails! haha. i'm feeling it, and i'm wishing...

typing at unit #44, Computer Lab C

and now i have nothing to do. i'm done with my "mysongs" webpage attributed to bob marley. and now i'm updating my blog. we're not actually allowed to do this but why not? i have nothing to do and this is the most productive thing i can do for at least an hour.

anyway, my day is just starting and thank God this day has been going on smoothly. no bad omens, no faults, unlike my previous days.

vocation promotions programs. it's supposed to be an eye opener about involving ourselves to vocations and other charitable things but the talk turned out to be a boy brother watching. haha. damn, he's too cute to be a brother.

pound, pound, pound. the hammering never stops. the noise was so bad that we had to move to another room to avoid the noise pollution. i guess we'll be staying at room 203 for two more days, or until the pounding stops.

cheesesticks. the bestselling product that ever existed in the food palace. and now we're doing an article about it. how to make cheesesticks. a tribute to the food that gets me going.

unit #44. now i'm back here. typing. that's about it. nothing much about my first 5 hours in school. g2g, the goldie's smelling something fishy already. hehe.

kalintikan

have you ever had that day when everything as in everything goes wrong? i just had mine.

i woke up 3:20 am, my usual wake up call. i did my morning routine just like what i do every day. well, just to let you know, i'm sort of a paranoid when it comes to the things i wear like my accessories and stuff. and this day was an exception to my paranoia. i risked the chance that this day might turn out bad or anything like that. anyway, you get the picture. if you don't, stop reading this. ;)

first strike---physics. damn i hate that subject. i studied for four days just to prepare for today's quiz but i still can't get it right. i completely lost any chance of getting a score in two problems, that's a major factor for me to flunk. plus, cheating was the only way i could be saved. if i didn't ask for the answer, i would've also failed the multiple choice part. i'm sorry i cheated, but i think it's the only way i could pass.

second strike---accounting. i'm hating the subject now, unlike before when i can still understand the lesson. i was lost during the quiz, i didn't know the account titles and the other blahs. and i don't know why but i completely hastened to finish the quiz. and so i got a totally depressing score. that's what i get from hurrying. damn again.

third strike---no power, no water, san ka pa? i got home at about 7:20pm, super late. brownout na wala pa tubig. damn. i'm hating this day. but thank God, kahit pano He heard my prayers, after a few minutes the lights were back, but still no water. it was my second day pa naman, the cramps day. you don't wanna know how i managed to wash myself.

fourth strike---Philippine-Vietnam diplomatic relations essay. a week has passed but i still don't have any idea what the topic for my essay is. i want to give it up already, but i can't. i have to produce something by monday. that's like four days frome now?!

fifth strike---mass dance. we only have one week left but our dance is still half-baked, make that quarter-baked. i'm so glad we had that talk yesterday. seems like an enlightenment to most of us,i hope.

five punches in one day, that's too much for me! i want to break down and cry but i want to be strong. i just want this day to end.

the end );

i'll try to make this one short since i still have a lot to do.

i realized this isn't love. maybe i don't really love you.
maybe it's something else, something less than love.
i must've been blinded by the fact that you are rich, good looking, charming and all.
but this isn't love. i am sure.
and if ever it was love, it is not love for you but for who you are, what you have and how you look.
infatuation? probably.
now that i realized that the feeling i have for you is nothing but senseless, i am stopping, i am giving up the feeling i have.
i don't want to go on and be a moron daydreaming about you, about us, because it is one dream that can never be.
no more stories about you, no more kilig moments, no more waiting.
i know you won't come to me. no matter how long i would wait, you'll never come.
i am ending our fairy tale. or rather, my fairy tale.

giving up

i thought i was having a perfect day, good grades, no tensions, no problems and all, but i guess it didn't turn out the way i wanted it to be.
at about 6:45 pm, our service suddenly broke, as in ka ed said it won't function coz the clutch broke ata or something. it was already dark outside, but we don't have a choice, we had to walk to the gate of analyn village in order to ride a jeepney then a trike to reach home. really annoying. our driver didn't even give such an effort na ihatid kami to the village gate. maybe he's too afraid his van might be carnapped. duh? who would bother to steal a worn out, so used, depreciated van like that?! i hate that driver, very insensitive. buti na lang, i got home safely. the question now is, how am i supposed to go to school tomorrow,now that our service van has finally given up?


just after i signed in to ym, i see status messages saying, "he's happy wherever he is now", "let's all pray for him", blah, blah... the type of messages telling us, yep, arren has given up. at about 6pm, he passed away. very depressing, even on my part. though i don''t know him personally, i felt that i'm also involved. the whole lasallian community was involved. we will all miss him. wherever you are arren, our prayers will always be with you, we will always be with you.

giving up is not defeat for we can always start anew. we can always make a brand new start for as long as we believe.

lazy daisy

it's a wednesday night and why am i here? in front of the computer, typing nonsense and wasting my time surfing? i myself don't know. i have a quiz and an assignment waiting in my study table, but i don't even bother to finish them first. i am lazy. now i know how it feels not to do homeworks and study for tests first before anything else. i don't feel comfortable that i am being lazy, not just tonight, also during the other night. why am i being like this? i don't have an answer to a very simple question. another effect of laziness? too lazy to think?! this feels so weird, and yet i'm not doing anything about it. i continue to waste my time doing nothing. lazy indeed. i'm even too lazy to lengthen my post, i don't feel like i want to talk much. what the hell is happening to me? i am not like this, masipag ako eh.

tomorrow will be a better day, a more productive one...

depression due to barbie-ism

really bad. i missed one fo the most important events that i should be part of. i missed barbie's gig!! really really bad. well, in case you didn't know, im a huge barbie almalbis fan! influenced by my brother who's also a fan, i fell in love with her songs and her voice and her! yea, medyo nakakatibo talaga! she's that pretty, a little less than a goddess in my opinion. i cant believe it. i'm addicted to her!

but, s*** talaga! why did i let that slip through my fingers that fast!!?! i didn't even give an effort to see her at rob. well, it's because i was sure my mom wouldn't allow me to go, due to stupid circumstances. so sorry bie. i swear, i really want to meet you.

and so i wasn't able to see her in the flesh. too bad. really bad. i hate it. why can't i live in lipa na lang, so that time wouldn't be a problem? buti pa si riela. not only did she see barbie perform, but also got an autgraphed cd and a picture with barbie herself! huhuhu. i envy her. i really do. and also the others who watched barbie today. i envy them. and i pity myself.

ok lang yan. there will be more gigs to come. think postive.
rock on bie!

not just tests and headaches

what a week!

finally, the long week has ended. i'm done with all the studying and reviewing and waking up early justto study again. no more "study now, enjoy never". it really feels so good. having no worries and pressure. the only problem now is the release of the results. honestly, i don't think i did so well on this quarterly exam. all the subjects were really difficult, with the exemption of CAT (accdg. to my classmates), but how should i know? i didn't take the cat exam naman. oh well, i'll deal with that problem on monday. enjoy muna!

...though this week is all about tests, tests and tests, i still managed to get something more than headache...

love, enjoy and treasure every minute of your life. we really should. i just realized that today after hearing the news of what happened to arren viceral. i don't really know him or anything, but when i realized what happened to him, i was absolutely stunned. imagine, he was just having some ordinary evening, watching tv while studying, but in a split second, his life changed. stroke daw, pumutok na nerves sa utak as stated by his aunt. and now, he lies in a cold bed unconscious, no assurance that he'll live or what. it's really a dreadful situation, especially for his parents who were not prepared for it. too bad. let's all pray for him, please.

think twice before you get married. i am actually reconsidering if i want to get marrid ba or what. after watching sukob, i don't think i don't want to get involved in such a fiasco of getting married and then falling in to bad luck. what a waste. i don't want to be such a spoiler to those who haven't watched it yet, so no more kwento. just see for yourself. and don't forget. bring a friend along with you. it really helps if you have someone to cling on in case of freaky moments.

just my luck. this isn't a sarcastic statement okay. i am lucky. well, very shallow lang naman ang luck ko if i were to tell you. so better not tell na lang. haha. start of day pa lang, super lucky na. i got to school very early, around 6:00 am i think. then, ayun. basta. fate talaga. haha

...so you see, quarterly exams are not all tests, cramming and headaches, there's room for fun, learning and others in between.

one down!

upcat. why do i have to go through this? maybe my mom was right with her suggestion. maybe should just accept all students interested to study there, para at least all will be given a chance to have a up experience. not bad right? i wish it could be like that.

but no. reality wakes me up to the truth na kaya nga may upcat, to know who can enter. too bad. but why does it have to be that hard? why can it just ask simple questions like who is your crush? or define love? haha. ala autograph, but wouldn't it be a lot easier if it were like that? why do we have to spend 5 hours answering questions that i don't know? why do i have to think hard, solve hard, but still can't find the answer among the choices? why do i have to stay up late before the exam date trying to study the different formulas i don't know how to apply?.. so many questions, i don't even know how to answer.

the only consolation i have is that im done with it already. thank God. i've gone through the 300 or less questions, half of which i either guessed or skipped. haha. it's that hard! at least1 down, 3 to go. that's ateneo, dlsu and ust. i can do this! miracles happen. i just know it. and tonight, i could finally sleep with no more worries except for the quizzes tomorrow in soc.sci, physics and filipino and the acet on sept. 16. kahit pano nabawasan, right?

the grr-ing continues

i don't know why but i somehow lost some energy in updating. parang nakakatamad. it's so ironic, kung kelan i am supposed to tell my experiences for the week, and kung kelan marami nangyari, i seem to lose the feeling to share. ewan, sounds weird.

thursday.
it was my first time to leave school at 6:00 for a dance practice. it was also my first time to be scolded by mam vio. yep, the prinicpal.haha.really scary. thank God, our class made our way out of the mess.haha.f*** that level 9 class which were very irresponsible of their actions. i hate them whoever they are. grrr.

friday.
i had to be at la salle by 6:00 am for our lst practice, so no choice, byahe. i don't really find commuting a burden now, im actually enjoying it, especially when im just alone. i can feel independence when i ride the bus alone. really cool. plus, another advantage of going to school early, seeing someone i don't expect to see early in the morning.super kilig! haha.guess who.(;

7:40 of that same day.english. surprise, we had a quiz. and to my surprise nga, it wasn't an essay exam. grrr. i was expecting it would be essay, but it turned out to be identification type of test. ayun, got 11 out of 15, too bad. how should i know asperia was the early italy?!

9:40. this is it. quarterly in pe. i think i did pretty well. 96 over 100 isn't bad naman right? we were 2nd highest. that's good. in fact, great nga kasi i will gain extra points pa in pehm. grade from band then some add'l points from that dance. wow. not bad.

2:00. accounting. in less than an hour, we were supposed to do the trial balance, income statement and the balance sheet. duh? we're not gods! how can we possibly do that! i only finished until assets in the balance sheet. i hate it. the entries were very hard to analyze. very hard to balance. i hate that substitute, whoever he is. napaka ingay, very annoying. who is he?! he should be blamed for our low score in that exam.haha.i hate accounting! i don't think i can survive it anymore. more grrr.

saturday.today. in front of the computer.waiting. i cant wait for upcat! im scheduled tomorrow at 12:30. the last batch. so tagal. i want to get on with it already. but no, i have to wait until tomorrow. even more grrr. i've already reviewed some items, answered few practice tests and memorized some formulas. but im not so sure if i will remember all these things for tomorrow's exams. i wish! please pray for me and the others who will take the exam. your prayers really mean a lot to me. this exam means a lot to me, so please. pray for us.

i waited for twenty whole minutes and all i got is a headache from the rain.

so this is like my first official post in my new blog..sounds fun...well not really...

we just had our csat, the much awaited csat.to tell you the truth, i was quite surprised with some of the questions that came out in the test.like the abstract reasoning part! what the hell was that?it just confused me a lot. i didn't know it would be that hard, the figures and shapes part at least. it was really damn hard. the other threee sets were okay, although i lacked some time in answering in math and ended up making guesses na lang. too bad, im not a good fortune teller pa naman. haha.

so after the exam, we had math. back to reality. well, slight. after math, we had the marketing orientation. super fun! dami cuties! yummy! ahahaha. there were so many college cuties, much cuter than the seniors. haha. we were screaming like crazy over the cute guys who performed during the launching. we can't help, they look quite good, honestly.

i thought my day would end up smoothly, but my instincts proved me wrong. i was supposed to go home by bus, but to my dismay, gek won't come along with me so i had to go by myself. plus, it was kind of cloudy already, pero i still continued. so while i was waiting for the bus, it started to drizzle. still, i waited for the bus, hoping it will arrive na before it rains harder. 20 minutes passed, no bus, even a jeepney. just my luck. i gave up waiting when it rained harder.

i waited for twenty whole minutes and all i got is a headache from the rain. it's really frustrating to wait for something which just turns up to nothing.

tumataas na ang lahi!

yey!!i have a blogger account na rin..saya...just getting started pa lang kaya please try to understand..haha