have you ever had that day when everything just isn't right? when even though how hard you try, it just doesn't work out? no matter how much effort you put into something, they just don't seem right?
i'm tired of that day. i am tired of reliving that moment in my life. i just couldn't understand why i have to suffer much each time this kind of day comes. why i have to put my emotions at risk. i am halfway to crying, yet still don't understand why. i can't find any damn reason why i feel so bad right now. i shouldn't be blogging, i should be down there, enjoying myself at our christmas party. but i just couldn't stop myself from opening my blog and typing whatever comes out of my mind. i want to type endlessly, if breathing out my thoughts means lightening this burden, well then, may God allow me to never leave this computer ever.
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i have lost a lot of things. i have lost a lot of time. i have lost chances that were supposed to become moments. i have lost the people i love because i constantly pushed them away. i have lost my identity, my inner being. i realized, this is no longer who i really am. and now, i don't know where to find all of them. i feel empty, perhaps unsatisfied.
they have gone and left nothing.
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