a splinter left

when i thought i will be having a long fun and fruitful weekend, once again, she has managed to ruined it all. i was already listing down my what to buy's for our trip to manila tomorrow, it was supposed to be a christmas shopping, when she told me that she's cancelling the trip. my mood turned from super excited to super pissed. why does she have to do it all the time? why does she have to ruin my perfect moments? why does she have to purposely break my heart? this is not about just shopping anymore, this is about her and her evil plan of making me feel that i do not deserve, even at the least, to feel good about myself.

i am a total wreck, if that's what you want to make me feel. in fact, that's the only thing i can feel from you. i never felt any sign of happiness from you for me. neither did you feel or even appreciate any feeling i have for you. you never appreciated all the things i do. you never knew how much i try to get your attention and let you know that i can be as wacky or kulet as my other siblings. you never felt so happy to know that i won a contest or anything. i never felt any mark of being proud that i'm your daughter. it's as if nothing happened. all that you ever gave me is a splinter from your heart, a tiny little piece that keeps me going and believing that someday, you will wake up and realize how much i love you and how much you have missed from me.

i know you will soon wake up. i know you'll make up from your losses. i just wish this splinter would be enough to keep my hopes up until that waking moment.

another love letter

we left la salle at around 6:20 and during that time i was already in my worst mood. i have so many things to accomplish tonight yet still haven't started on anything. so we waited for nothing. for 30 minutes, we waited for my sooo stupid servicemate and ended up leaving him behind na rin. i was too tired and too angry to chat with my servicemates that i just slept throughout the trip.

and then i heard an unfamiliar sound, my phone beeped. i just received a text message. arjae texted telling that there won't be any class tomorrow. wee. this is all thanks to my new lover, "reming". haha. he managed to beat milenyo. so you better wait for another love letter. anyway, i repeat. NO CLASSES. meaning, no damn physics exam. no tle exam. hoorah! sadly, there wouldn't be any practice for lyf tomorrow also. i enjoyed the previous practice. i wonder if we would make fools out of ourselves on friday. i mean, no practice=disaster, right? and there would be no presscon training too. awww, too bad.

Enclosed is my love letter. please do take time to read it.

to my dear reming,

first of all, nice name. very much pinoy. anyway, let me get straight to the point. thank you very much. you just made my day. you sure love surprises. i mean, coming to me in such short notice. but do not worry for i have prepared myself so that we can have one day to get wet and wild(?!). haha. i am expecting to enjoy myself tomorrow. so i think it would be better if you do not come so close to Batangas, specifically batangas city. please try to remember that.

let us all enjoy our day tomorrow. and thank you once again for your utmost consideration.

loving the rain more,
ami

chances

for the whole week, i have been worrying about our contest tomorrow. i'm not bragging here okay. i'm just anxious that i would make a fool out of myself. i barely reviewed today. in our whole day of training, i only spent about 3 hours reviewing and the rest of the time, ahhmm, wondering about the campus looking for cute lyfers. haha. cutting classes trainings shall i call it. anyway, so i have been very pessimistic. i keep on telling my friends that i won't win or barely answer the questions. i mean, who am i joining the contest with? just the top students of our school and two other brainiacs. plus me, just an ordinary student pretending i'm good at chem. gawd, i'm totally depressing myself here. just wish me luck for tomorrow. whining over it won't do me any good, so i guess i have to make the best out of it. *fingers crossed*

########

i never felt so happy seeing my old friends again. if it wasn't for lyf, i would not be given the chance to see them again. i'm so glad they still remember me after all those years. and to top it alll off, i still managed to meet my old bestie. weee. super fun. too bad i didn't see much cuties though.

########

dilemma. chemistry or press con? i regretted having to choose chem over the press con training. first, because the chem training turned out to be very futile. second, i didn't enjoy it. third, i didn't get the chance to learn our lipa jingle. it could've been very funny. haha. finally, my mind and heart weren't at all happy with my decision. they were blaming me for the decision i made. a heavy feeling surrounded me all day, wishing i was at the training rather than stuck at the lrc.

########

"Chances can come and go in a blink of an eye. while regret can last for a lifetime." -got this from one of the quotations made by someone in ls404. ;)

gathered thoughts for the day

ngayong araw na ito, ako kasama ang aking mga kaibigan-slash-kabulik na sina rizelle at arjae ay pumunta sa Claro M. Recto Memorial School upang dumalo sa pagsasanay para sa regional press con. sa kalahating araw na ito, hindi lamang pagsusulat ang aking natutunan.

tanghaling tapat, lulan ng trike kasama ang aking guro ay nagtungo kami papunta sa paaralan ng CM Recto. sa kasamaang palad, ang gahaman na trike drayber pala ay hindi rin nalalaman kung saan ba ang naturang paaralan. ang byahe papunta sa paaralan ay naging sight seeing trip ko sa lungsod ng lipa. ngayon lamang, sa apat na taong pananatili ko sa lasal, aking nakita ang ilang bahagi pa ng lipa. ito pala ay puno rin ng mga eskinita at maliliit na kalye gaya ng sarili kong lungsod. sa aming paghahanap sa eskwelahan, nakarating kami sa isang punerarya o libingan pati na rin sa isang day care center na inakala ng drayber na tinutukoy naming paaralan. sa kamalas-malasan, tama na pala ang una naming narating na paaralan ngunit hindi namin agad ito napansin. sayang ang oras. sayang ang gas ni manong. kalahating oras kaming namasyal o naghanap ng paaralan bago narating ang CM Recto. buti na nga lamang at maaga pa rin pala kami.

nagsimula na ang aming pagsasanay. ako'y bigo. inakala ko na ang aming taga-sanay ay yaong nagsanay rin sa amin noong huling pagsasanay. hindi pala. ang kanilang ipinalit ay isang matandang babae na nakasuot ng kulay ube na damit. napansin ko lang, mukha siyang buntis kapag nakatagilid. simula pa lamang, inaantok na ako. pinagsulat pa kami ng isang editoryal ukol sa dengue. malas na naman, wala akong alam tungkol dito. nagtanong ako kung pwedeng ibang paksa, pumayag naman. buti na lang. pero kahit ganoo'y wala pa rin akong gana magsulat. yae na, kung ano na lamang ang maisulat ko.

matapos magsulat, nagsimula ang mas nakakatamad na diskusyon. kung hindi nga lamang ako nahihiya, natulog na dapat ako. kung anu-ano ang pinagsasabi, hindi naman tumatama sa kung ano ang dapat niyang talakayin. nagbasa na lamang ako ng dyaryo. namura pa kami, napakatahimik daw namin, hindi na umimik. eh ano naman? bahala ka.

hindi ko kailangang makinig sa isang bagay na alam kong hindi tama. ang isang mamamahayag na tulad ko ay marunong makaintindi kung ano dapat kong gawin. hindi ako nangangailangan ng anumang pagdidikta, lalo na mula sa mga taong nagmamagaling na tulad ng babaeng nakasuot ng kulay ubeng blusa.

matapos ang napakahabang pagtuturo nga ba ay umalis na kami. sabaw na ako. piga na ang utak. lumubog na ang araw.

a donut for kuya

i was buying my coffee at starbucks, toffee nut latte when i saw that there was one doughnut left. my sister approached me and said, yan may isa pa, sayang wala si kuya. and she was right, it was too bad my brother wasn't there. he craved for the chocolate doughnut of starbucks so much, and whenever he wants one, there wouldn't be any left. i just realized that probably, i do miss my brother whenever he goes back to manila. not just me, but all of us do. it's so different without him. our house is less noisy. there wouldn't be anyone who will criticize and make pula on my outfit. there wouldn't be anyone who will laugh at me for my stupidity. there wouldn't be anyone who will wrestle me. and there wouldn't be anyone who will laugh with me when we make fun of our younger siblings. oh God, i miss kuya.

i don't want to get so emotional here since her girlfriend might see this and i don't want her to make kwento of this to him. so karyss, if you happen to read this post, let's keep it as a secret between the two of us. thanks!

and if one doughnut is all it takes to make him come home, then i will give it him, for free pa. even two doughnuts plus a choco frappucino if he likes.

pahabol

thank God naihabol ko new skin before the sem break ends. after long hours in front of the computer, i finished it na.
it turns out the two proposed backgrounds didn't come out. haha. anyway, this new skin look nice na rin. i feel so fulfilled seeing my new skin. ok so it's not really a skin. i just put a picture and then voila. my new skin. haha. it may appear very simple to you but to me,it's not. i worked hard on this one. i reall did. so i do hope you can appreciate it somehow. tell me what you think about it! please do post a comment on my tag board. anything you post will be truly appreciated. thanks!
...and now I'm ready to do my pile of homework!...

oh crap!!!!!!

just when i thought everything in my life is going smoothly and happier, reality struck me with the fact that nothing in this world is perfect. there can never be anything such as perfect. but why does it have to hit me so hard? a punch to my almost perfect life. call me overreacting or whatever you want.

though the dvd player has been sort of cursed, though i was having a bad cold, the slumber party was a hit! totally fun. it was my first time to sleep somewhere other than my comfy bed. but the comforter and the pile of pillows were enough to remind me that i was still home. that sense of home-y feeling was there. saya. i wish reality never came. horror strcuk me, and hit me hard.

just as i was writing my postpost(weird) of our slumber party, my mom told me that i can't come and join them tomorrow. we were supposed to go to manila for my brother's enrollment and then go to greenhills then to market2 to shop. a total heaven for a shopaholic right? and i won't even get the chance to enjoy it. i am looking forward to it talaga, i even prepared my clothes beforehand, even before i prepared my things for the sleepover! grrr. crap! and all are ruined. i really hate it. ok, i know this is the point you'll see me as an oa girl in her oa world. i am oa! and i think i have the right to be! why can't i come? why do i have to be stuck in that lousy tindahan all day doing nothing but devouring myself with thoughts of shopping and bazaars, things i cannot have. i lost my chance of having a big break. all thanks to my mom. i'm sorry im being very mean to her, but she really is the reason of it all. call me selfish, but she did promised last week pa na i can come. why all of a sudden break my heart?!

returned from hibernation

i felt so guilty seeing that my last post was october 2 pa, during milenyo period. so i figured i should compensate for the long period of time i hadn't posted.

here goes.

quarterly exams. dreadful. i got lower grades from my subjects. i didn't improve at all. i almost flunked filipino. i am just waiting for my 84 during card distribution.

division press con. weee. we won. though social injustice as nhet would call it, is very evident during the contest, we managed to grab awards. Arjae, rizelle, and I are going to rizal! yea. really excited about it. wish us luck so we'll be able to go to baguio, and then go bar hopping, err, i mean compete there. haha.

inter la salle. a very big event i've been dying to see. so many boys, so little time. hehe. imagine, lsgh, zobel and other papa-bles, all in one place. can't wait to see them. plus, i hope i can be granted a special pass since i will be covering the whole event for bulik. thank God I'm a chicken! couldn't wish for anything else.

slumber party! this will be my very first time to sleep somewhere other than my own bed. weee. besides inter la salle, i am also looking forward to this. we'll be staying at arjae's place tomorrow til the next day. totally excited.

well, that's about it. a summary fo my recent events that i forgot to share. really sorry. but i have a valid reason for not updating. i am actually in the process of making, yep, making my own blog layout. i'm creating it myself, thanks to photoshop. i hope i could finish it sooner. still having a problem with frontpage. i'm kind of lost. hehe.

will you be very nice to help me in making my new layout? can you choose one from the two proposed backgrounds? thanks! <3



*note: the color isn't right. it's supposed to have a brown background.

mood swings

how can a day filled with kawindangan and exhaustion become so great? a smile can do that. ;)

the first hours were such a mess. i cried over a cheesy movie during filipino then laughed and ruined our group's presentation in english. worse, it was because of me why we didn't get a perfect grade! uh-oh. after recess, computer. dinali ng katamaran, i hastily finished my mp4. i was bored doing it. i ended up submitting a stupid web page. lastly, physics. i dunno what happened, but i was completely distracted(?) during this hour. i never understood any question on our seatwork. thank God mara was there. she did more than half of the work.

this is were the fun begins. as i was approaching our service van, i saw people huddling near the van. i thought they were just some students who have nowhere else to go. anyway, my poor contacts proved me wrong, guess who it was,err, i mean, who they were. haha. why would i tell you? it's a secret. but definitely, my day ended a lot happier, opposite of what i had in mind. definitely in bliss.

love letter for the rain

dearest milenyo:

what can i say? you really made my day. moving at 13 km/h west, northwest of samar, you contiuously approach the tagalog region including me. haha. you immediately caught my attention with your "slowly but surely" strategy, 13 kph, quite slow for a toughie like you. anyway, i would like to express my deepest gratitude to you. you managed to erase all the stress in my head even for a while. i sure need a rest and finally, you answered my prayer. i am loving you now, milenyo. hehe. and may you continue to show your "kindness" by trying to stay here in the tagalog region longer, how about one more day? it will be truly appreciated. one reminder though, try not to be too harsh on us and keep some distance for you might hinder me from doing my "resting agenda" for tomorrow; read, shopping at sm. haha. thanks again.

loving the rain,
ami

wishing

finally, i'm on my last draft for my vietnam-phil essay. after long weeks of agony, i finally am ready to submit my work to DepEd. it feels good that somehow, i am able to accomplish something i didn't know i can do. hihi. let's party. the only thing missing are the tickets to vietnam. haha. asa pa.

i am wishing. wishing that we'll be together tomorrow, at least for two hours. as we choose the same path to take, how come we still can't meet? i do wish that finally, tomorrow, i can see you. at least see you, i'm not even wishing that you'll talk to me. i just want to stay in the same place with you. call me stalker, but i am wishing, desperately. oh God, i am becoming very pathetic. please grant this wish, a very simple wish, but why can't it come true? why can't fate bring us together?
*forget this. i just realized this paragraph is very senseless. very pathetic. even more pathetic than wishing for something. so what if we didn't stay in the same room nor talked to each other, i got the chance to greet you and that's enough. i don't want to be branded as a stalker.

jinxed

am i? i don't know. i think i am.

tomorrow's the big pictorial day and i feel anxious. i just got my costume for tomorrow and i then realized, i don't actually look good on it. the top is too big. the colors don't really match and to top it all off, i don't look pretty! mukhang th.

i swear. i may be overreacting but i think it's true. worse, i keep on thinking that my classmates will all look good while i'm the one left ugly. i've given some cute ideas for their pics and even offered bringing things they could possibly need, leaving my own picture unattended.

i just hope they'll help me get through my costume. i mean, i helped them, don't i deserve some help too?

good luck on my stupid rag doll idea.

too excited

yeah, i am, definitely. too excited for our grad picture taking. we are the first class to have our pictures taken and i don't have any idea on what will happen. we were scheduled for a two hour pictorial. and i'm just wondering, how on earth can we finish in two hours?! a formal picture plus a creative one multiplied by 45 students. how's that?!

creative picture. i am taking this one seriously. i even bought new clothes and made patahi pa. i want it to be perfect and i do hope it will be. this is my first grad pic, i have to look good. the whole la salle will see me in the year book and i don't want to look stupid. by the way, for the creative pic, i'll be like a doll. you know those dollies little girls used to play with? that sort of stuff. with all the baby clothes and pink cheeks and big bows and all. haha. i wonder how i'll look like. hmmm.

and i wonder? how did i end up with a doll picture? i don't know either. it just looks cute. haha. maybe that's the only reason i can think of. haha.

***oh, and by the way again. my v3i's still broken. huhu. poor me. so that means, no picture sessions with nhet on monday. huhu. sayang. ***

when life gives you lemons

i'm depresed. know why? my phone broke. yep motorola v3i phone broke. huhu. it has been two days since it gave up. and i still haven't told my dad about it coz i know he's going to kill me when he finds out! omg, so what will i do?

it started yesterday when my dad gave me his old sun sim card. ako naman si tanga, too excited, i immediately tried the sim card on my phone. and so that's it. the end of my phone. after i put back my tm sim card, there was no longer a signal. tension starts. well, i was kind of optimistic pa at first, i thought maybe there was problem on the network and not on my phone. the day ended with my phone not having any signal. until now, it still doesn't have any signal even if i try using other sim cards. damn.

how can i tell my dad about it?! i only got this phone for 3 months, sira na agad. God, i am burara. oh no.

latest skin

ok it's very obvious. i've got a new layout here. much different from the first one that's full of light colors and girly stuff. now's much different. aside from the darker shades, everything else seems gloomy, but still with a touch of girly-ness.

it reflects my personality. the first skin, nothing but a fairy tale, reflects my dreamer side, my thoughts and imagination. however, due to recent events, i ahd no choice but to, uhhmm, end the fairy tale. the lay otu no longer implies my personality. reality already fetched me and told me it's time to wake up from my dream. face the real world.

and now here i am. though no longer living in a fairy tale, i am more confident. confident to say that i am, yes, beautiful. sounds mayabang. yeah i know. i dont pertain the physical beauty here you know. i have grown to be a more matured person, no more games, no more fooling around. i have learned to appreciate what i ahve within and tried to make it come out of its shell and let it bloom. simultaneously, i bloom as well.

i am beautiful. saying these words reduces my anger from a very bad day. they make me feel that somewhere within me, i have something to be proud of. try it. be confident to tell the world that you are beautiful. believe me, saying i am beautiful, even to yourself, really helps lighten the burden.

sniffs

i finished my essay. well almost. i only need any bad news report about vietnam. an anyone who can give me one will forever be loved! ;)

after 3 hours and 36 minutes of staying in front of the computer, i did it! i know i didn't do so well on my essay (i'm being frank here), i really don't care anymore. finishing it is already an achievment for me. i'm not expecting to win a trip for two to vietnam, i'm expecting a lot of red marks when i get it back from miss samonte, a lot of revisions! i don't care, at least, some dulce was present in my work. yep, after tiring yet unfruitful nights, i finally learned to enjoy what i'm writing.

and now, i have this stupid cold. sniff. really hard, i'm not used to it. sniff.

anyway, i'm still waiting on that vietnam news!

blind itemS

you didn't even reply. i mean, yeah, i should not ask for a thank you from you or anything but i somehow expected that you'd say thanks but you didn't. napahiya lang ako. i know i shouldn't feel ashamed, why should i? i don't like you anymore, i would like to make that clear, but your reply seemed important since it's a proof that our relationship as friends is stable. guess not. anyway, have fun with your life birthday boy.


i saw you not only once, but i-can't-remember times. plus, you even called my name just to get my attention. hah, this is definitely bliss. i should be very happy coz i keep on seeing you. why wouldn't i? you stay just meters inches away from me. but ironically, i don't feel the same kilig i felt before, the feeling somehow continuously fades away, replaced by something fresher?


seeing you definitely made my afternoon better. i don't know, maybe i am kind of liking you. but you're not even handsome or have the great look he has? i don't want this feeling to get stronger because i'm not sure if this is for real. you might as well stay away from me, or let me stay away from you.

shopping blues

this day has been a mess. i was supposed to buy a lot of things but i was not able to buy anything at all. due to the attack of the D. don't ask what D means, you don't wanna know.

first, supposedly, i'll buy na the old rose vintage top i've been dying to get. i don't know, maybe God decided i have to much clothes already. the top was gone, as in not a single one was left. when i went there last week, there were about 6 pieces pa. how could that possibly happen?! i failed to see a nice replacement too, so nothing to buy for rizelle too. sorry about that. in order to cheer myself up, i just bought a cute bracelet and a nice bag that was supposed to match my top.

the D strikes. after having dinner at yellow cab, hell started. i was having goosebumps, and breaking out into a cold sweat. i didn't know what to do, i ahd no choice but to reach for the nearest... you get the picture. after that, i requested that we go home na, so my whole shopping time in sm was ruined because of hell. i have a lot of to do's pa naman.

• 2x2 picture for my dlsu application form
• buy shades for intrams
• do a favor for rizelle
• buy a blank cd for our lipsynch
• look for a replacement to my vintage top

grrr...now i realized, bad shoes and empty pockets aren't the only things that can affect shopaholics.

last dance was supposed to be our last chance

i don't know how i should feel, i have already cried enough, i don't want to continue crying over something that already happened, something i can't change. but then again i thought what else can i do but to cry? i am a sour loser, so what? i don't care about what you say. fuck you. this was the most imperfect cherry on top of our last year in high school. really depressing. how i wish i can kick all their ass and to prove to all of them we are the best. we'll show you all. *hmph*

ponytails are lucky..paranoid speaks

yep, i've proven it, ponytails are indeed lucky.well for me, they are. today was such a great day, everything happened according to what i want, no bad luck or anything.

the devil celebrates her birthday... and we made it very memorable for her. for the first time in her teaching career, she said it was the first time she did nothing for an entire period. haha. really fun. but the tension was still there, was she really happy or is the devil just pretending to be happy about the wasted hour meant for a quiz, just because it was the devil's birthday? anyway, i don't really care, it was nice to get some rest though.

how to make cheesesticks... it was very unexpected that joyce and i would get perfect or even be given the chance to present our article in front. wow, i still can't believe that i'm doing good on this subject this quarter, compared to the first quarter where in english was really hell for me. i'm still in awe. ;0

'til our last dance... tomorrow's the big day and our view suddenly changed due to an advice given by one of our subject teachers. you should remember, this is your last dance, your last show to prove to them that you're the best. it struck me talaga, oo nga pala noh. all we were thinking about was winning and nothing more, but now, our purpose is to have fun and give our best, prove our unity to them all. i know everything will fall into place once we achieve this purpose. hand in hand... 'till our last dance...awww..

and again tomorrow will also be a lucky day, we're wearing ponytails! haha. i'm feeling it, and i'm wishing...