you need not speak

i had the day all to myself. after a week of waking up at 6am and going home at 6pm, i finally had a rest. waking up at 9am and making my own breakfast. these were the days i wished for for this sem break, to have at most two or three days and stay at home and do nothing but bore myself. it may seem very possible, but not if it's in my case. i grew up having the responsibility to wake up early and prepare myself for the day ahead. i have to "work". by work, i meant sit at the cashier's table and give change, count the bills and sign the deliveries. all these with only the consent that i can buy whatever i want when we go shopping. there were no pay days or bonuses given. it was a family business that i may or may not inherit years after college.

the intro sounded sarcastic, as if it was leading to the opposite of how i expected the day, well not exactly. i did had my rest day and i did bore myself. i did things my brother, who also shares the same job as mine, would envy me for. endless download of songs, unstoppable chatting and internet gaming. the day was going so well, i went to the mall to have my passport picture taken but ended up staying there for hours feeding myself with sights of things i want to buy, but couldn't since i didn't know it was sale. i downloaded the songs i wanted with nobody annoying me to have their turn on the pc. all these were enough to make me happy, to fulfill my sembreak wishes and for some superficial reason, to brighten the rest of the week.

here goes the climax. you were too good of a *toot* that you ruined the day entirely. you were so selfish. you always were. you care not of the people around, but only of yourself. you don't give a damn of how hurt i am, because that's the way you are. ignorant and selfish. i hate to say these words for you were one of the few people i loved, notwithstanding your shortcomings. but on days like this, when i was having a great day and then you come crushing people, i can't help but blame you for everything. for everything i have and for everything i don't have. my words have always seemed empty to you. you think of me as a confused child, unconscious of what she says. you do not take notice of what i say, mainly because i am me.

i can no longer wish for you to change. it never happened and i know it never will. all i long for was for you to listen and understand to what i have to say. just listen. how hard can that possibly be?