reckless passion

indifference and shame. shame causes indifference just as indifference causes shame.


i had a shirt that says choose frustration over indifference, and from what i understood from that statement, voicing out one's opinions no matter how stupid or senseless they may be, is better than staying in one corner and not giving a damn about anything. indifference is a choice. one does not take care just because he doesn't,rather because he chooses not to. for whatever reason, i cannot tell. the person that i loved and still love chose to be numb. the years of knowing each other seemed futile because of one stupid mistake, a mistake i choose to believe was indeed only a mistake. if it was shame that hinders this person to bring back whatever we once had, then shame on that person. the mistake was too lousy to be even talked about. but you have become indifferent. things are no longer the same no matter how much we deny them. unfamiliarity and consciousness have conquered. you are no longer the person i once met. but i know and i believe your mistake is not enough to change the whole of you. have you heard our cries? we only wanted for you to take the first step.


***


i have no idea what happened, but seeing you tonight made me realize something was wrong. you don't laugh the same way, you don't talk the same way. but despite the efforts to start a talk, you chose to drop the issue, saying you're ok. but those words were enough to tell that you weren't. once again, indifference. shaking things off does not make things any easier. why do you have to choose to be numb and uncaring? being indifferent only causes you to turn people down who only want to care and to reach out. if it was only shame that prevents you from opening up, then let me just say how pitiful you have become. shame or embarrassment is the wall that can save you for a while but can tear you down soon enough. if only you have been more careful of your actions, then you wouldn't be like this, quiet and all. i have known you long enough to tell if you're bothered by something.


***


but then again, i blame myself. as patricia evangelista said, we are recklessly passionate. i have the heart that cares, but unsuccessfully shows this care. the mistake was not only theirs but mine as well. i could have done something for them to open up. if i weren't too busy waiting for them to make a move, something would've happened by now. maybe i was scared just like them, scared that i would be unnoticed just like them.