after the stars have faded

Do you know Pacquito Diaz? Most likely your answers would be no or i-think-i-heard-his-name-somewhere. If you lived in the 80’s until the late 90’s, you know and you despise Pacquito Diaz, or rather despise his character. Most of the time he plays the role of the deceitful antagonist in Filipino movies starring Fernando Poe Jr, Dolphy or other known protagonists in Pinoy movies. Diaz is that tall and dark man who always, and I mean always had that handsome beard which has sort of became his trademark, along with his expensive-slash-villain looking attire. But for those who have always been a fan of Pinoy action movies, have you ever wondered where Pacquito Diaz is right now?

During tonight’s episode of Rated K (yes, I can watch TV again), the present Diaz was shown and pitied by the entire Filipino audience. With no beard or expensive clothes, Mr. Pacquito Diaz was ultimately unrecognizable. If the host didn’t keep on repeating his name or flashing his old videos and pictures, no one would have guessed this was the favorite villain my parents used to see in the movies. After experiencing stroke and months of rehabilitation, Diaz can no longer move on his own or remember most of his memory. Moreover, he can only see with his right eye. All of these handicaps due to his accident. And in a span of three years, the iconic Pacquito Diaz was gone. However, he reiterated with his gibberish way of speaking that he wants and still believes he can make another movie despite of his present condition. How can a man who can barely walk be able to act as a villain now that he’s not even good enough to be the antagonist more so an actor for that matter? You can’t help but pity Diaz in his dreams, nor can you do anything to make him realize that there will no longer be any movies coming for him.

Meanwhile, I felt fear on my part. I mean look at Diaz now, who would imagine he’d be like that, handicapped and financially struggling? I’ve seen a lot of actors who have successfully reached for their dreams and later on falling so low with nothing to cushion them as they drop. I’m not in their shoes, but that doesn’t mean I am free of experiencing a downfall like theirs. I fear the day when I would lose everything I worked hard for. I fear the moment of seeing myself losing grip on the things I got and powerlessly letting them shatter in pieces before my eyes. No one enjoys a downfall, but everyone dreams of reaching the top. Maybe that’s the problem, the more we get closer we get to that optimum, the more painful it would be for us to let it go or for us to fall down. If only there was a way for me to attain what I want without ever going down, then everyone, not just me, would be more than happy. There will be no stories like that of Diaz. There will be no pitying shows which tell this kind of stories. And there will be no people who would watch this portion and pity the poor souls who lost their lives after the fame.

In one of the novels I read for Filipino class, it says there, “sa pagtatapos ng tag-araw, kasama nitong lulubog ang kabataan pati ang mga pangarap mo. Kaya’t habang nariyan ang tag-araw, kailangang lubus-lubusin.” Or maybe it went something like that. I can’t remember the exact lines. Nonetheless, it explains that we should all strive to reach for the dreams we want because the sun shines only once in a day.