if only i could have the control to do so

As expected, I am now in a more confused state than I was after finding out my acet results. Just yesterday, I got my UPCAT results. I have heard the worst word, err, term for the day---dpws. Hell, I didn't even know what it meant until arjae told me it was like being waitlisted or something. So what's worse? Not knowing what dpws mean? Or knowing what it means and regretting knowing it? Whatever. In short, life had gone crazier for me now. I cannot decide where to go. I tried crying but it doesn't help lessen the confusion. I don't know how to tell my parents that I want to go to ateneo, but I don't want to be selfish all the same. I cannot make a decision because I know for every decision I do, someone's going to hate me. If I only I was selfish and insensitive, I wouldn't be bothered like this. I have to consider what my parents are going to say, how my “concerned” relatives are going to react when they find out and where I am going to live or who I am gonna live with. Just this morning, I can no longer take in all the pressure that I broke down and cry. I am so relieved to have friends who were there to catch me and be proud of me even if no one else is. Thanks guys!! I just hope that within this week I will have the courage to tell my parents what kind of future I want for myself and tell them how much it'll mean to me if they allow me to choose what I want. No pressure, no hindrances, no doubts, just what my heart beats for.