bad habits

Did you know that the governor of Batangas has been suspended? Or that Smith has already been transferred to the U.S. embassy custody? I don’t. I didn’t know so many things were happening and I barely knew anything about them. This is how I’ve become. Before, I usually keep myself updated for the latest news, well that was during the press con period. During those times, I have gained the habit of watching prime time news and buying the Sunday newspaper every week. But when I lost the contest, I also lost the habit. I thought, what is the purpose of keeping myself informed when it will only be futile just like the last time. And now I feel sorry to lose that habit. I am sorry to realize that I have become someone I don’t want to be, a writer who only impresses and forgets to express her thoughts. All the preparation I have done for the rspc was just a show, to prove my capacity in writing. I failed to fulfill my purpose why I reached that phase, the purpose I used during the division. And I am sorry too that I never lived up to what I said on my post for the rspc. I said I don’t need any contest to prove my capabilities as a writer, but I realized maybe I would’ve felt better if I did win, and then I wouldn’t lose my dulce for writing. But I want to be that writer again. I want to be informed. I want to have questions and queries filled in mind. I want to write, and to write what I truly feel and not to write about something crappy and rotten and which I can never be proud to be called mine.

I considered myself a paranoid. Obsessed over gaining luck, safety and perfection for the day by depending it to the things I wear. That’s how I used to be, but I noticed I am learning to drop that habit. I have gained enough faith that I don’t need any accessory to rely on for the turnout of my day. I am continuously learning to be more confident and independent. I know I have to drop the habit sooner or later, or else it will worsen and soon get me broke. ;p

I’m moving on. There, I have said it. Well, I think I am. I am keeping my resolution of letting go of the bastard. And I don’t really feel bitter about doing so. It makes me feel that he truly isn’t everything. I can find someone better. I have lost the habit of looking for him in the crowd, freaking out when I see him or when he greets me. That is so last year; besides, it’s tiring dreaming of the same guy for so long.

I have three habits that I want to get rid of and as the year continues to fly, I just wish the wind will blow away all the other negativity i have.