a splinter left

when i thought i will be having a long fun and fruitful weekend, once again, she has managed to ruined it all. i was already listing down my what to buy's for our trip to manila tomorrow, it was supposed to be a christmas shopping, when she told me that she's cancelling the trip. my mood turned from super excited to super pissed. why does she have to do it all the time? why does she have to ruin my perfect moments? why does she have to purposely break my heart? this is not about just shopping anymore, this is about her and her evil plan of making me feel that i do not deserve, even at the least, to feel good about myself.

i am a total wreck, if that's what you want to make me feel. in fact, that's the only thing i can feel from you. i never felt any sign of happiness from you for me. neither did you feel or even appreciate any feeling i have for you. you never appreciated all the things i do. you never knew how much i try to get your attention and let you know that i can be as wacky or kulet as my other siblings. you never felt so happy to know that i won a contest or anything. i never felt any mark of being proud that i'm your daughter. it's as if nothing happened. all that you ever gave me is a splinter from your heart, a tiny little piece that keeps me going and believing that someday, you will wake up and realize how much i love you and how much you have missed from me.

i know you will soon wake up. i know you'll make up from your losses. i just wish this splinter would be enough to keep my hopes up until that waking moment.

another love letter

we left la salle at around 6:20 and during that time i was already in my worst mood. i have so many things to accomplish tonight yet still haven't started on anything. so we waited for nothing. for 30 minutes, we waited for my sooo stupid servicemate and ended up leaving him behind na rin. i was too tired and too angry to chat with my servicemates that i just slept throughout the trip.

and then i heard an unfamiliar sound, my phone beeped. i just received a text message. arjae texted telling that there won't be any class tomorrow. wee. this is all thanks to my new lover, "reming". haha. he managed to beat milenyo. so you better wait for another love letter. anyway, i repeat. NO CLASSES. meaning, no damn physics exam. no tle exam. hoorah! sadly, there wouldn't be any practice for lyf tomorrow also. i enjoyed the previous practice. i wonder if we would make fools out of ourselves on friday. i mean, no practice=disaster, right? and there would be no presscon training too. awww, too bad.

Enclosed is my love letter. please do take time to read it.

to my dear reming,

first of all, nice name. very much pinoy. anyway, let me get straight to the point. thank you very much. you just made my day. you sure love surprises. i mean, coming to me in such short notice. but do not worry for i have prepared myself so that we can have one day to get wet and wild(?!). haha. i am expecting to enjoy myself tomorrow. so i think it would be better if you do not come so close to Batangas, specifically batangas city. please try to remember that.

let us all enjoy our day tomorrow. and thank you once again for your utmost consideration.

loving the rain more,
ami

chances

for the whole week, i have been worrying about our contest tomorrow. i'm not bragging here okay. i'm just anxious that i would make a fool out of myself. i barely reviewed today. in our whole day of training, i only spent about 3 hours reviewing and the rest of the time, ahhmm, wondering about the campus looking for cute lyfers. haha. cutting classes trainings shall i call it. anyway, so i have been very pessimistic. i keep on telling my friends that i won't win or barely answer the questions. i mean, who am i joining the contest with? just the top students of our school and two other brainiacs. plus me, just an ordinary student pretending i'm good at chem. gawd, i'm totally depressing myself here. just wish me luck for tomorrow. whining over it won't do me any good, so i guess i have to make the best out of it. *fingers crossed*

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i never felt so happy seeing my old friends again. if it wasn't for lyf, i would not be given the chance to see them again. i'm so glad they still remember me after all those years. and to top it alll off, i still managed to meet my old bestie. weee. super fun. too bad i didn't see much cuties though.

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dilemma. chemistry or press con? i regretted having to choose chem over the press con training. first, because the chem training turned out to be very futile. second, i didn't enjoy it. third, i didn't get the chance to learn our lipa jingle. it could've been very funny. haha. finally, my mind and heart weren't at all happy with my decision. they were blaming me for the decision i made. a heavy feeling surrounded me all day, wishing i was at the training rather than stuck at the lrc.

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"Chances can come and go in a blink of an eye. while regret can last for a lifetime." -got this from one of the quotations made by someone in ls404. ;)

gathered thoughts for the day

ngayong araw na ito, ako kasama ang aking mga kaibigan-slash-kabulik na sina rizelle at arjae ay pumunta sa Claro M. Recto Memorial School upang dumalo sa pagsasanay para sa regional press con. sa kalahating araw na ito, hindi lamang pagsusulat ang aking natutunan.

tanghaling tapat, lulan ng trike kasama ang aking guro ay nagtungo kami papunta sa paaralan ng CM Recto. sa kasamaang palad, ang gahaman na trike drayber pala ay hindi rin nalalaman kung saan ba ang naturang paaralan. ang byahe papunta sa paaralan ay naging sight seeing trip ko sa lungsod ng lipa. ngayon lamang, sa apat na taong pananatili ko sa lasal, aking nakita ang ilang bahagi pa ng lipa. ito pala ay puno rin ng mga eskinita at maliliit na kalye gaya ng sarili kong lungsod. sa aming paghahanap sa eskwelahan, nakarating kami sa isang punerarya o libingan pati na rin sa isang day care center na inakala ng drayber na tinutukoy naming paaralan. sa kamalas-malasan, tama na pala ang una naming narating na paaralan ngunit hindi namin agad ito napansin. sayang ang oras. sayang ang gas ni manong. kalahating oras kaming namasyal o naghanap ng paaralan bago narating ang CM Recto. buti na nga lamang at maaga pa rin pala kami.

nagsimula na ang aming pagsasanay. ako'y bigo. inakala ko na ang aming taga-sanay ay yaong nagsanay rin sa amin noong huling pagsasanay. hindi pala. ang kanilang ipinalit ay isang matandang babae na nakasuot ng kulay ube na damit. napansin ko lang, mukha siyang buntis kapag nakatagilid. simula pa lamang, inaantok na ako. pinagsulat pa kami ng isang editoryal ukol sa dengue. malas na naman, wala akong alam tungkol dito. nagtanong ako kung pwedeng ibang paksa, pumayag naman. buti na lang. pero kahit ganoo'y wala pa rin akong gana magsulat. yae na, kung ano na lamang ang maisulat ko.

matapos magsulat, nagsimula ang mas nakakatamad na diskusyon. kung hindi nga lamang ako nahihiya, natulog na dapat ako. kung anu-ano ang pinagsasabi, hindi naman tumatama sa kung ano ang dapat niyang talakayin. nagbasa na lamang ako ng dyaryo. namura pa kami, napakatahimik daw namin, hindi na umimik. eh ano naman? bahala ka.

hindi ko kailangang makinig sa isang bagay na alam kong hindi tama. ang isang mamamahayag na tulad ko ay marunong makaintindi kung ano dapat kong gawin. hindi ako nangangailangan ng anumang pagdidikta, lalo na mula sa mga taong nagmamagaling na tulad ng babaeng nakasuot ng kulay ubeng blusa.

matapos ang napakahabang pagtuturo nga ba ay umalis na kami. sabaw na ako. piga na ang utak. lumubog na ang araw.

a donut for kuya

i was buying my coffee at starbucks, toffee nut latte when i saw that there was one doughnut left. my sister approached me and said, yan may isa pa, sayang wala si kuya. and she was right, it was too bad my brother wasn't there. he craved for the chocolate doughnut of starbucks so much, and whenever he wants one, there wouldn't be any left. i just realized that probably, i do miss my brother whenever he goes back to manila. not just me, but all of us do. it's so different without him. our house is less noisy. there wouldn't be anyone who will criticize and make pula on my outfit. there wouldn't be anyone who will laugh at me for my stupidity. there wouldn't be anyone who will wrestle me. and there wouldn't be anyone who will laugh with me when we make fun of our younger siblings. oh God, i miss kuya.

i don't want to get so emotional here since her girlfriend might see this and i don't want her to make kwento of this to him. so karyss, if you happen to read this post, let's keep it as a secret between the two of us. thanks!

and if one doughnut is all it takes to make him come home, then i will give it him, for free pa. even two doughnuts plus a choco frappucino if he likes.