i had this homework for physiology wherein we were asked to write a reflection paper about a certain movie. the homework was announced a week before the submission. and i'm usually the type of person who does her homework immediately after it has been announced. but what do you know, night before the submission and i still haven't started on it, not a single phrase for my reflection paper. i ended up cramming for it the entire night until past 2 in the morning that i ended up oversleeping, enough for me to miss yoga. anyway, this happened again the other night for another paper to be written for general psych. no work done days ahead => cram night before => oversleeping for the next day.

i'm not like this really. maybe it's because i've just been too tired with more important school work or org work that i often run out of energy to do other homework. or maybe i've been too preoccupied with the not so important things. i find it hard now to distinguish which one's more important than the other, 'cause now, everything seems vital to me. kind of screwed, i know. or maybe the muse has left. maybe whatever's left of the creative juices i once had has emptied out. i refuse to believe that i can't write a decent reflection paper anymore. i mean, writing has been the only thing that i have practiced. it's the only skill i'm willing enough to share to other people. and for my muse to wear off would mean losing something very very big. i want to continue writing.i want to my thoughts to flow easily and freely as i type them out. but wear-and-tear theory says that overusing something for so long would cause this something to eventually tear off and die. :-< i'd be helpless when that time comes. i don't know where i would find myself when that day when i can no longer write anything comes. i'm not even good at it, and to lose it would even make this life more miserable. *breathes and realizes the exaggeration of the problem*

i was thinking of a way to connect my writing to my helplessness then to other people's helplessness, but it's taking too long so lemme just jump right to it. my psychology professor tells us that each one of us has this instinct or urge to be involved with everything, to help other people when the situation calls for it. it's like we all want to be the good samaritan to everyone, but then bystander effect hinders us from doing so.we know we all want to help someone in need, but then if we realize that there are people whom we thought can also help this person in need, we tend to pass that responsibility of helping to those other helpful people. so i question myself, what am i supposed to do if there are these specific people who i want to help, but then restrain myself from doing so simply because i feel like they don't want to be helped? does my psych prof's theory support that thought? i mean, here i am, being the warmhearted person that i am, offering my help to someone whom i feel refuses to be helped. that's indirect rejection we have right there. who is the one being helpless? and why do people refuse or reject help when any form of helping (or involvement for that matter) can never be a bad thing? should that cause me to stop helping and let these people be? what about guilt?

i think it would be best if we don't refuse at all.^_^ offering help => no rejection => no guilt from rejection => happy people. now that's not such a bad thing right?