I LOVE THIS DAY. ^_^ After two weeks of endless stress and depression, finally, God answered my prayers. Thank you thank you God. >:D<
Thank you for waking me up early to attend the 7AM mass.
Thank you for the free cut in Chinese.
Thank you for the Psy101 exemption. WHOOOOO.
Thank you for a good Monday weather. No rain! Did you notice?
Thank you for my new Chinese dictionary.
Thank you for treating my allergy.
And thank you for my McDo dinner. (okay, i'm just so happy i wanna thank God for everything)
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a great week this week and hopefully till finals week.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
hodgepodge
I promise not to drink ever again, unless I want to end up having another allergy attack. :( I swear, last Friday was my first time to drink after I dunno, 3 years? And I didn't even get drunk. Dizzy, red hot, groggy, yes, but definitely not drunk. And who would have thought I was allergic to alcohol, or to whatever was in that drink I had? :-<
I'm sorry mom, an insect didn't bite me, it was alcohol that brought about these allergies. Please please make it stop, I don't want to go to school scratching my shoulders all day.
***
Okay, so it's almost 11PM over here and I am so not yet done with physio LT. Ohnoes. *slapslapslap* I have to stay awake, I have to finish everything tonight or tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.
***
I was a point away, ONE FRIGGIN POINT away from an A in lab. :(( I want to get an A in Chem Lab in order to pull up my C standing in lecture. I need this, I want this. I will study for it on Monday (hopefully).
***
Bonfire na on Tuesday night! :D :D :D And I dunno, I am seriously excited for this one. I don't even know what's going to happen, but still I am excited. Probably because I feel like the Bonfire would be sort of an end of the year party for everyone. YAAAY, free food. :D
***
I want to eat Chinese. Wala lang, I've been eating everything I see and right now, I'm craving for the things I don't see... Chinese food! I want I want.
I'm sorry mom, an insect didn't bite me, it was alcohol that brought about these allergies. Please please make it stop, I don't want to go to school scratching my shoulders all day.
***
Okay, so it's almost 11PM over here and I am so not yet done with physio LT. Ohnoes. *slapslapslap* I have to stay awake, I have to finish everything tonight or tomorrow morning. Wish me luck.
***
I was a point away, ONE FRIGGIN POINT away from an A in lab. :(( I want to get an A in Chem Lab in order to pull up my C standing in lecture. I need this, I want this. I will study for it on Monday (hopefully).
***
Bonfire na on Tuesday night! :D :D :D And I dunno, I am seriously excited for this one. I don't even know what's going to happen, but still I am excited. Probably because I feel like the Bonfire would be sort of an end of the year party for everyone. YAAAY, free food. :D
***
I want to eat Chinese. Wala lang, I've been eating everything I see and right now, I'm craving for the things I don't see... Chinese food! I want I want.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
truth or truth?
Sometimes, the simplest questions are those that are hardest to answer. And those simple-questions-hard-answers are the ones that are most difficult to accept. And you don’t realize the depth of the questions or the impact of the questions unless they are asked. Otherwise, you don’t think about the things being asked. You forever play naïve to the things you thought don’t exist or refuse to accept the existence of.
I run away from these thoughts, these questions. I repress them as much as I can, but when people fire these thoughts to me, I am more often than not caught off guard. I think of an answer, you know just to satisfy the one asking me the question and then hours later, I still think about those life-changing questions and realize I’ve said the wrong answer. My instincts are not very reliable; they tend to falter almost immediately after I say them.
I run away from these thoughts, these questions. I repress them as much as I can, but when people fire these thoughts to me, I am more often than not caught off guard. I think of an answer, you know just to satisfy the one asking me the question and then hours later, I still think about those life-changing questions and realize I’ve said the wrong answer. My instincts are not very reliable; they tend to falter almost immediately after I say them.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
sucky week
I don't like this week, I don't like it at all.
In spite of the nights without homework or exams the next day that I have been having for the whole week, I can't find a reason to be happy about them. Almost every night, I find myself thinking real hard, contemplating why I've been feeling so down. During the day, I'd be my normal self, but come night time, I'd be like this. Did you ever experience crying for no reason at all? I mean, probably you're crying because of something, but you just can't figure out what that something is. It's been like that for three nights, and I don't find it good at all. It would've been better if I had been feeling depressed for a reason, but I just can't pull out the strings. I hate feeling like this. Nobody likes it anyway. Gaaaah.
In spite of the nights without homework or exams the next day that I have been having for the whole week, I can't find a reason to be happy about them. Almost every night, I find myself thinking real hard, contemplating why I've been feeling so down. During the day, I'd be my normal self, but come night time, I'd be like this. Did you ever experience crying for no reason at all? I mean, probably you're crying because of something, but you just can't figure out what that something is. It's been like that for three nights, and I don't find it good at all. It would've been better if I had been feeling depressed for a reason, but I just can't pull out the strings. I hate feeling like this. Nobody likes it anyway. Gaaaah.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
i had this homework for physiology wherein we were asked to write a reflection paper about a certain movie. the homework was announced a week before the submission. and i'm usually the type of person who does her homework immediately after it has been announced. but what do you know, night before the submission and i still haven't started on it, not a single phrase for my reflection paper. i ended up cramming for it the entire night until past 2 in the morning that i ended up oversleeping, enough for me to miss yoga. anyway, this happened again the other night for another paper to be written for general psych. no work done days ahead => cram night before => oversleeping for the next day.
i'm not like this really. maybe it's because i've just been too tired with more important school work or org work that i often run out of energy to do other homework. or maybe i've been too preoccupied with the not so important things. i find it hard now to distinguish which one's more important than the other, 'cause now, everything seems vital to me. kind of screwed, i know. or maybe the muse has left. maybe whatever's left of the creative juices i once had has emptied out. i refuse to believe that i can't write a decent reflection paper anymore. i mean, writing has been the only thing that i have practiced. it's the only skill i'm willing enough to share to other people. and for my muse to wear off would mean losing something very very big. i want to continue writing.i want to my thoughts to flow easily and freely as i type them out. but wear-and-tear theory says that overusing something for so long would cause this something to eventually tear off and die. :-< i'd be helpless when that time comes. i don't know where i would find myself when that day when i can no longer write anything comes. i'm not even good at it, and to lose it would even make this life more miserable. *breathes and realizes the exaggeration of the problem*
i was thinking of a way to connect my writing to my helplessness then to other people's helplessness, but it's taking too long so lemme just jump right to it. my psychology professor tells us that each one of us has this instinct or urge to be involved with everything, to help other people when the situation calls for it. it's like we all want to be the good samaritan to everyone, but then bystander effect hinders us from doing so.we know we all want to help someone in need, but then if we realize that there are people whom we thought can also help this person in need, we tend to pass that responsibility of helping to those other helpful people. so i question myself, what am i supposed to do if there are these specific people who i want to help, but then restrain myself from doing so simply because i feel like they don't want to be helped? does my psych prof's theory support that thought? i mean, here i am, being the warmhearted person that i am, offering my help to someone whom i feel refuses to be helped. that's indirect rejection we have right there. who is the one being helpless? and why do people refuse or reject help when any form of helping (or involvement for that matter) can never be a bad thing? should that cause me to stop helping and let these people be? what about guilt?
i think it would be best if we don't refuse at all.^_^ offering help => no rejection => no guilt from rejection => happy people. now that's not such a bad thing right?
i'm not like this really. maybe it's because i've just been too tired with more important school work or org work that i often run out of energy to do other homework. or maybe i've been too preoccupied with the not so important things. i find it hard now to distinguish which one's more important than the other, 'cause now, everything seems vital to me. kind of screwed, i know. or maybe the muse has left. maybe whatever's left of the creative juices i once had has emptied out. i refuse to believe that i can't write a decent reflection paper anymore. i mean, writing has been the only thing that i have practiced. it's the only skill i'm willing enough to share to other people. and for my muse to wear off would mean losing something very very big. i want to continue writing.i want to my thoughts to flow easily and freely as i type them out. but wear-and-tear theory says that overusing something for so long would cause this something to eventually tear off and die. :-< i'd be helpless when that time comes. i don't know where i would find myself when that day when i can no longer write anything comes. i'm not even good at it, and to lose it would even make this life more miserable. *breathes and realizes the exaggeration of the problem*
i was thinking of a way to connect my writing to my helplessness then to other people's helplessness, but it's taking too long so lemme just jump right to it. my psychology professor tells us that each one of us has this instinct or urge to be involved with everything, to help other people when the situation calls for it. it's like we all want to be the good samaritan to everyone, but then bystander effect hinders us from doing so.we know we all want to help someone in need, but then if we realize that there are people whom we thought can also help this person in need, we tend to pass that responsibility of helping to those other helpful people. so i question myself, what am i supposed to do if there are these specific people who i want to help, but then restrain myself from doing so simply because i feel like they don't want to be helped? does my psych prof's theory support that thought? i mean, here i am, being the warmhearted person that i am, offering my help to someone whom i feel refuses to be helped. that's indirect rejection we have right there. who is the one being helpless? and why do people refuse or reject help when any form of helping (or involvement for that matter) can never be a bad thing? should that cause me to stop helping and let these people be? what about guilt?
i think it would be best if we don't refuse at all.^_^ offering help => no rejection => no guilt from rejection => happy people. now that's not such a bad thing right?
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
these things
In today’s NSTP processing session, a groupmate shared a story on how different the phrase “to live” meant for animals and for humans. He said when animals “say” to live, they pertain to breathing, eating, and sleeping. But when humans speak of to live, we talk of things other than our basic needs. We talk about the things that make us alive. These are the things that help us live, things that keep us alive, things that give life to us. And what are these things? To realize the things that help us to live is a purely subjective and personal notion. What makes me alive may probably be different from what makes another individual alive. Nonetheless, I contemplated real hard on the things that give me a rush, on the things that ask me to live.
To give back
As part of our processing session, we were asked on how we consider NSTP. Courtesy bias aside, I said it was a channel of helping me realize that there exists two different worlds and that one of the two worlds is not as privileged as the other. Belonging in the more blessed group, I have the opportunity to realize this and later on do something about it, to make a difference. NSTP gives us the chance to try remolding the triangle we all live in because we can convert this triangle into a square where in two different worlds no longer exist. Spending my Saturday mornings in Montalban is a way for me to try and give back whatever I have been receiving to those kids. And to realize that I am actually accomplishing this goal of giving back gives me that fuzzy feeling that I am actually helping.
To remember
When I say remember, I like to point out on the littlest things, those details that most people usually forget. Like the last time someone sent you a hug emoticon? Or the number of times your crush said your name? Or maybe the color of his or her shirt when he or she met you? These are things we tend to forget since they don’t seem to be very important when in fact, for me, these may be the details that really matter. ‘Cause it’s when we remember these tiny bits that we recall how important a particular moment was since a big important picture starts with small seemingly unimportant pictures right? Getting my drift? I’m thinking that if we can remember even the tiniest detail of things, it just proves how important that particular something may be.
To feel your heart jumping
Every morning I pray that I hope to have a reason for my heart to jump or for my heartbeat to stop even for a millisecond. When does this actually happen? Mmm, when I get excited for something? When I get surprises? When something unexpected comes my way? When I hear a good story or a good joke? Usually those things, no matter how small, which seem to make my day a little better. It’s good to know that sometimes, things find their way into me and just make me feel a lot better when I needed something to pick me up.
To love and learn
HAHAHA. This is getting really cheesy, but oh well let’s continue. They say you don’t look for love, it finds you. Now this reminds me of the sacrament of waiting; we wait for love to happen because something can only be considered true love if it can wait. However, in case love fails, our only fallback is that we’ve learned. We learn the things we’re supposed to do and the things we’re not supposed to say or do next time. And besides, love is not always a romantic entity. Love is when you remember to say good morning to your parents. Love is when you listen to your friend’s problems. Love is when you take the initiative to share your umbrella. Love is when you give random hugs to people, hoping they’d appreciate the gesture.
To accept failure
Failure is like pain, you wouldn’t know it’s important unless you feel it. And knowing that it is important helps you realize that it is something you actually need in your life, something that makes you live. And I know to realize is hard enough for anyone to take in, what more in accepting it. Wouldn’t it be worse if we were to live a life without mistakes? We wouldn’t know if what we are doing is right or wrong since we’d be thinking we are right all the time, and we all know that’s not always right. It’s a matter of balance of successes and failures; whatever we fail to achieve equals to us gaining more than we have lost.
When humans live, they do so not only to survive but also to realize that we live not only for ourselves.
***
Oops, I didn’t foresee I’d be writing a long one tonight. Maybe I just missed writing about the cheesy things instead of ranting about school-related stress.
To give back
As part of our processing session, we were asked on how we consider NSTP. Courtesy bias aside, I said it was a channel of helping me realize that there exists two different worlds and that one of the two worlds is not as privileged as the other. Belonging in the more blessed group, I have the opportunity to realize this and later on do something about it, to make a difference. NSTP gives us the chance to try remolding the triangle we all live in because we can convert this triangle into a square where in two different worlds no longer exist. Spending my Saturday mornings in Montalban is a way for me to try and give back whatever I have been receiving to those kids. And to realize that I am actually accomplishing this goal of giving back gives me that fuzzy feeling that I am actually helping.
To remember
When I say remember, I like to point out on the littlest things, those details that most people usually forget. Like the last time someone sent you a hug emoticon? Or the number of times your crush said your name? Or maybe the color of his or her shirt when he or she met you? These are things we tend to forget since they don’t seem to be very important when in fact, for me, these may be the details that really matter. ‘Cause it’s when we remember these tiny bits that we recall how important a particular moment was since a big important picture starts with small seemingly unimportant pictures right? Getting my drift? I’m thinking that if we can remember even the tiniest detail of things, it just proves how important that particular something may be.
To feel your heart jumping
Every morning I pray that I hope to have a reason for my heart to jump or for my heartbeat to stop even for a millisecond. When does this actually happen? Mmm, when I get excited for something? When I get surprises? When something unexpected comes my way? When I hear a good story or a good joke? Usually those things, no matter how small, which seem to make my day a little better. It’s good to know that sometimes, things find their way into me and just make me feel a lot better when I needed something to pick me up.
To love and learn
HAHAHA. This is getting really cheesy, but oh well let’s continue. They say you don’t look for love, it finds you. Now this reminds me of the sacrament of waiting; we wait for love to happen because something can only be considered true love if it can wait. However, in case love fails, our only fallback is that we’ve learned. We learn the things we’re supposed to do and the things we’re not supposed to say or do next time. And besides, love is not always a romantic entity. Love is when you remember to say good morning to your parents. Love is when you listen to your friend’s problems. Love is when you take the initiative to share your umbrella. Love is when you give random hugs to people, hoping they’d appreciate the gesture.
To accept failure
Failure is like pain, you wouldn’t know it’s important unless you feel it. And knowing that it is important helps you realize that it is something you actually need in your life, something that makes you live. And I know to realize is hard enough for anyone to take in, what more in accepting it. Wouldn’t it be worse if we were to live a life without mistakes? We wouldn’t know if what we are doing is right or wrong since we’d be thinking we are right all the time, and we all know that’s not always right. It’s a matter of balance of successes and failures; whatever we fail to achieve equals to us gaining more than we have lost.
When humans live, they do so not only to survive but also to realize that we live not only for ourselves.
***
Oops, I didn’t foresee I’d be writing a long one tonight. Maybe I just missed writing about the cheesy things instead of ranting about school-related stress.
Monday, September 01, 2008
on a monday
Today is Monday and in two days it will be Wednesday. I can't wait for Wednesday. Wednesday will be freeeeeedom. Wednesday will be a great day. Wednesday is my happy day. Wednesday will feel like Friday, only it's Wednesday and not Friday.
But today is still just Monday. Two more days. It'll soon be over, and I thought it won't but it is. And I'm excited for it.
***
The "ber" months have started. I can smell Christmas already. =)) =)) =))
***
Never in my life have I not prepared for a long exam until now. Slapslapslap, and it's still not working. My body is refusing to take anymore Physio thoughts. It wants food, vacation and anything not related to the brain. It wants sleep. And yeah, I think I want sleep too.
But today is still just Monday. Two more days. It'll soon be over, and I thought it won't but it is. And I'm excited for it.
***
The "ber" months have started. I can smell Christmas already. =)) =)) =))
***
Never in my life have I not prepared for a long exam until now. Slapslapslap, and it's still not working. My body is refusing to take anymore Physio thoughts. It wants food, vacation and anything not related to the brain. It wants sleep. And yeah, I think I want sleep too.
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