it's all your fault

Ever had that feeling where in something you tried so hard to forget suddenly surprises you and catches you off guard? And because of that you find yourself dumbfounded with nothing but a groan for a reply. You curse yourself for letting all those shit come back to life after you've put so much effort avoiding them and disappearing from them. And yet in the end, they find their way back to you easily.

Oh boy. *huge sigh*

This is just to remind me that I remembered something I wasn't supposed to. Good job me.

packets of sunshine

Happiness comes in pairs... and in the color red. :)) :)) sabaw post. things/events/people that recently made my life easier and lighter. thank youuuu. >:D<

...it's like the whole world stops to listen.

Dong Le

Remember when people usually say ‘opposites attract’? And how much chick flicks or other romantic movies or novels usually tell us how a jock can fall for a nerd, more so a loser? And in turn, we are thought to believe that our own fantasies will soon come true? That someday, someone who we thought least to be the person we’d end up with proposes to us on bended knees, and asking us to be theirs? Ah, the common daydream for everyone di ba? Well, we (that includes me) have been living a lie. Opposites do not attract. Cool people and losers do not mix well. People of the same kind stick together, forever. And that fantastic dream we all wish about romantic happy ending? My general psychology professor revealed this eye-opener to us on one hot day in June, while we were all just too full of an unbearable session in Statistics. All that and more.

***

Psychology, in my opinion, has this tendency of breaking people’s beliefs and values in a way that it doesn’t actually mean doing so. Maybe the whole ruining our desires thought may be a very biased opinion. It’s probably more of a realization rather than that of a mess-up. It reveals to you things that you never thought cannot be explained or experienced by other people. Also, psychology shows you the truths about things you first were true, but in fact weren’t. And to be honest, it makes life a lot more complicated than you think it is. Nonetheless, the subject makes me love my course even more. Imagine me having the power to preach about things normal people aren’t aware of, and I can see how their (my sisters) eyes widen when they realize that they too have been living a lie. Power, yes, and control.

***

Chinois (in French) or simply Chinese is another great subject. I love it. I regret that I usually sleep or space out during my Mandarin tutorials 10 years ago and having to repeat everything now. I should know how to speak in Mandarin, but no, I acted like an indifferent girl who doesn’t want to learn anything other than English or Filipino back then. But now, wow! I seriously look forward to every Mandarin session in that cramped up room where you can almost catch your professor’s saliva whenever she pronounces the syllable ‘chr’. But other than that, I love it. I want to master this language and test myself by going to Binondo and talking to those Chinese folks. And if I find myself lucky, I can probably find a Mandarin-fluent boyfriend who can tutor me for free. Hahaha. Kidding kidding. Tong pe tong? (Do you understand?) I don’t think I got the spelling right though. And now I begin to envy those Chinese kids who don’t have any problems speaking Mandarin or Fookien or Cantonese. I mean, I don’t think they had to go through this whole fuss of knowing what tone to use or what spelling to write, right? Unlike me who has been desperately trying to roll my tongue to say the words right. I want to learn, and I shall learn. Wait for my future posts in which I’ll be speaking nosebleed Mandarin. HAHAHA.

***

Last insight before I go home (because apparently, it’s been almost two weeks that I do not have internet K). Is it me or is the weather has been totally screwed up? So morning I wake up and it’s hot already even with the aircon running. Come afternoon, around 4PM, and suddenly it starts to rain real hard. And the weird thing is that it seems like there’s an exact hour when the rain pours. 4 in the afternoon. And then it usually lasts for about an hour. It’s been like that for three days straight, and I have no idea why the weather’s like that. They said Quezon City’s the only one experiencing that kind of weather. Thank God Metro Manila isn’t. People living there would all have gotten sick by now if it were like that. Too much heat in the Metro.

***

I’m not sure if it’s obvious, but I can tell it is. My writing sort of changed in this post. Too many phrases. Too many dependent clauses. Too many repeated and unrecognized words. My style changes, but not for long. I don’t really like it this way. I need to get back to that old self.

first day of school

My friend was telling me last night how she got tired of updating her blog and literally letting it die in one corner without being noticed or checked out. And somehow, I felt the same thing. To be honest, the only reason why I’m writing a post now is just to keep the archives section updated. But other than that, I find no other reason to think and to write something. Also, I saw a blog with a recent post on writer’s block. So I thought, probably I’m not the only one losing my excitement for writing. Maybe, there are other bloggers around there feeling too lazy to bother signing in to their separate blogs and coming up with something to say. Blah. Do you even get what I’m saying? Two posts in a row that I’ve been writing sabaw posts, and and that’s not good. :| Oh well, I’ll be waiting for something good to come up. HAHAHA.

Well actually something exciting did happen – OrSem 2008 baby! And I was part of the logistics committee. Yay! More kwento soon. Not really in the mood to tell my amazing stories. :))

[i was too excited, i forgot to write a title]

And so this to mark the 18^th year of my existence and the first day of adulthood and logically, the end of my adolescence. So what happens exactly at the strike of midnight? Err, nothing. I mean you’d be too groggy to even realize that June 2 ended already and it’s hello June 3! But what the heck, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

A very good friend asked me hours ago if I was excited, and I immediately answered that I wasn’t. However a few days back, my mom asked the same question, but I gave a different answer. I told my mom I was super excited about my coming birthday and about the things I’ve been planning for that day. But tonight felt different. Maybe it’s because as the faithful day draws nearer, the more anxious the person might feel? Well, that’s what has been happening in my case. Anxiety over the things to do on my supposedly special day or people who will or will not remember my birthday or feeling the zest that it is in fact my birthday. I’m honestly scared that I may not be as happy as I expected myself to be. I mean I want to be happy, I want to jump and feel the tingling feeling that I am officially legal. But what if I am not? If I wouldn’t be happy, how would I feel then?

Nonetheless, screw my feelings and my anxiety. Birthdays are supposed to be fun no matter how old the celebrant is. As long as I’m not celebrating it alone or with people I never wished to be with today, I’m good. I’ll survive this day. And with that, happy birthday once more.