finding strength

Apparently my day hasn’t gone any better. I woke up late today, enough for me to miss the start of the 7AM mass and to skip breakfast as well. This is the second time I woke up late, and I don’t know why. Trivia: I hate it when I wake up late, I become so paranoid that I start to think that if my day started awfully, it will affect the rest of the day or week. I’m weird that way. So I walked to school since no trike wanted to take me due to the 7AM traffic in Katipunan. So the day goes on, math was boring, zoology LT was sabaw (screw those worms and their worthless lives!) and zoology lab was seriously depressing. Apart from seeing our poor frog’s organs and letting him be abused by us, the main depression agent for today was receiving my long test results. Another trivia: low grades really make me sad, and I am serious when I say sad. I grew up being so grade conscious that even a quiz, more so a long exam depresses me so much. I feel so down, I get angry with the rest of the world and I just easily lose all my energy for anything else.

After my last class, I accompanied a friend to see her old friend. Last December, Joey Carlos died from a car accident. Until now, most people, especially those who are very much dear to Joey still hold this sadness Joey’s death brings. My friend wanted to reintroduce me to Joey so I walked with her to the High School soccer field. While I sat beside her by the goal post where Joey seemed to have appeared, I felt how depressed she was by his death. And I felt ashamed. Earlier I was whining over some stupid exam and some stupid alarm clock while my friend lost someone she loves. She has bigger problems than I do and yet, she’s brave enough to carry all these every single day. She told me if I didn’t accompany her today to see Joey, she would have gone there alone and would cry all over again. I wanted to tell her that if I went home earlier, I would have done the same. Cry over a stupid exam and seemingly bad day. You see, we both have problems of our own, but what makes it different is how superficial I get about things and not realize that there are people who have to endure the pain of living each day when they know death or loss is hanging by their shoulders. I’m thankful for people who can somehow give me strength and help me realize things I know I should have come to know years ago.

My mom asked me to search for today’s gospel in the net. Ironically, I go to church most of the time but don’t really understand what the readings say. It’s like I just love the feeling of sitting there and feeling the ambiance of the place, but not necessarily there to hear God’s word. So I found the gospel in the internet and realized some things. This realization is by the way due to the favor my mom asked me to – to come up with a homily for the gospel. Regardless of the day or the situation, people should learn how to help others. I mean, so what if it’s a Sabbath or so what if I have a long exam to study for or a news feature to write, if spending time to be with others would mean so much to them, why not give it?

God really has his own ways of making people discover something they have not known or have forgotten. I am thankful enough to know that in a way, God never forgets about me or he remembers to keep me reminded.


Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint John 5,1-3.5-16.

After this, there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
Now there is in Jerusalem at the Sheep (Gate) a pool called in Hebrew Bethesda, with five porticoes.
In these lay a large number of ill, blind, lame, and crippled.
One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years.
When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be well?"
The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me."
Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your mat, and walk."
Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked. Now that day was a sabbath.
So the Jews said to the man who was cured, "It is the sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to carry your mat."
He answered them, "The man who made me well told me, 'Take up your mat and walk.'"
They asked him, "Who is the man who told you, 'Take it up and walk'?"
The man who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had slipped away, since there was a crowd there.
After this Jesus found him in the temple area and said to him, "Look, you are well; do not sin any more, so that nothing worse may happen to you."
The man went and told the Jews that Jesus was the one who had made him well.
Therefore, the Jews began to persecute Jesus because he did this on a sabbath.