the past came back to me just as i was to talking to a friend tonight. the way i narrated everything that happened, i sounded so bitter, so hateful and regretful of the things i went through before. they were frankly mistakes, mistakes i don't wish to recount nor even try to remember. retelling these experiences practically brings me shame. i feel so stupid for the things i wish i never did, for the careless actions i took and for the rush decisions i made. i was too young then to think of the consequences of my actions and it was only now that i realize how hilarious i was before. i tried to mature ahead of the others, tried to live a life i know i shouldn't. oh well, all were said and done, and i am now left with regret of wishing i should not have done those stupid things.
i cannot say i have matured, nor can i say that i am a smarter person now, i think not. the only difference now is that i can laugh about my past since i am now living the present. i know i would soon eat my words for i would soon laugh at how i am living my life right now. still with the wrong decisons being made, still with the ignorant mind overpowering, and still with the dense heart not noticing anything. nonetheless, the past taught me things i know i should not do. the mistakes i once made are not supposed to be repeated; i try to think straight and be conscious of my words. but sometimes, everything tends to be forgotten when it's right there in front of you. :))
and for a fleeting moment i thought it was all true.
i just wanted you to notice me, if not for how i feel, but even for the time i give. call me needy, call me desperate, but i am just as confused as you are.
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