brave men

Two brave men stood before me yesterday, brave enough to make heads turn that day. One of them we are all familiar of, Sen. Trillanes. When I heard the news of his standoff while I was unconsciously eating at Eastwood, a mixture of panic, fear and humor filled my body. Panic and fear since I immediately thought of my parents and if they have heard the news as well. I was scared they’d be alarmed and panic as well. Humor for the fact that it was so much like Trillanes to do such an act. He’s a man full of anger, integrity and thoughtless actions. Nonetheless, I admire him, yes admire, for what he did yesterday. He once again proved how strong his belief is that a coup d’ etat is the only solution to the problem the country now faces. I am not with him about the coup idea, but I believe on how one must hold on to his principles and beliefs even under critical situations. He may not have succeeded in his plan, this is because, in my belief, he chose to sacrifice for the good of many.


The other man in my story is a man I am more familiar of, a man who proves his courage not in reckless actions but in his striking words. Sir Yapan will always be Sir Yapan, in spite of his Best Production Award or his National Book award. He never pointed out his greatness, nor even spoke of them, during our Filipino class. He looked like an ordinary professor who carries with him the passion for literature. But the love he was fooled of flowered into the book he now properly launched. Without the persuasion of his fellow profs, Sir Yapan would not have wanted to launch it in the first place. It was so Sir Yapan, the writer and director hiding in the closet. There was never a hint of boastfulness in him, even as he speaks in front of the podium of Escaler Hall or in front of our 1:30pm class in Kostka. This was something to be loved about Sir Yapan, his simple personality. But the physical impression can prove to be deceiving. His works, if you were to read, seem innocent at first, but as you read on can prove to be otherwise. His novel Ang Sandali ng mga Mata, although I have not read yet, seemed interesting enough that it has received praises long before it was publicly launched. Sir Alvin Yapan proved his courageousness in his greatest attempt to combine the real with the unreal. He believed that there was little difference between the two, that it was possible for readers like me, to hardly recognize the fiction from the fact. He is, I believe, braver than others I know.


How many brave men do we know? How many Sen. Trillanes and Sir Yapan exist now? If there were more men (or women) who are as brave as these two men, the country would have been more complicated, and yet more intellectual.

mondays without a passion

i have always believed that mondays are important days of the week. they foretell how the whole week would go. a good start meant a good end. and obviously a bad start stretches throughout the week. there is a 98% chance that this is true. i have proven it for countless times. the other 2% of me being wrong include weeks with holidays. no matter how bad the week was, but if, say christmas, is within that week, all negativity usually vanishes. i wish it was christmas already, so that i can have a reason to look forward to for the rest of the week. but 29 days far from the 25th and still more hell days to go through.

today is monday, the last monday of the month. i woke up feeling heavy already. last night was not a good night. i went to bed at around 9:30 since i had an early pe the next day. 10:30 and i was still wide awake. this is the second time i cannot bring myself to sleep. the lights were off by 11pm but i was still there lying in my bed with all my senses awake. i cannot remember what time i had finally managed to sleep. i woke up today at 5am and i knew immediately today was going to be a long day. my head was aching, my tummy is not cooperating with the rest and the weather did not look good. my classes seemed so long and boring. nothing good happened today.

i don't know who to blame for whatever it is happening to me right now. i want to cry because i'm getting tired. i feel so pressured of things i am not sure of. i know in my mind i have so many tasks to finish but i cannot tell my body to work. i feel heavy and stressed although i have not done anything yet. i have three articles to write and finish by tomorrow night, plus tons of homework and readings to do. i want to start doing them, but i have lacked the will to do so. i have worn myself out during the first sem that nothing was left for this sem.

God knows how i can make it to DL this sem, not with this system.

the week's summary

(even the title isn't nice)

so i'm not really in the mood right now to write or even to think of what to write. nonetheless, my mind tells me that i should go on doing what i'm doing now despite the lack of dulce. forgive my writing for this post.


the first week of classes and excitement is not the word to describe the second semester. to list down the reasons why i am not excited would mean writing a very long list, so i guess it would be better to tell the brighter side of things.


tai chi at 7 o clock in the morning. waking up at 5am just to get ready for my first class somehow gives me enough time to prep myself up and to enjoy hot pandesal with matching chocolate milk drink, or if i'm not on a budget, probably melon milk. moreover, i get to walk along katipunan when it's not yet hot and crowded. i love the way how the cold breeze of the morning touches my skin and makes me want to go back home and sleep some more. but anyway, tai chi seemed cool. the prof was funny, kept laughing about stuff are not really funny. there were about 20-30 students attending 7am tai chi and none of them were familiar faces. well except for the two girls who cut through our line for the ateneo vs la salle game tickets. i still hold some grudges against them, but other than these girls, my pe classmates looked okay. our prof kept on reiterating that tai chi was for relaxation and that we should be relaxed when we're tai chi-ing. so i was probably not so good with relaxing that my prof kept on correcting me and my stiffness. i need more time to relax, and i'd be as good as the tall chubby guy demonstrating the not-so-cool tai chi moves.


i have a 1 1/2 hour break before my next class starts, so i waste my time in the library "studying". i get easily distracted by the other lib goers that i end up looking at those walking by and soon, spacing out. i try to study my readings and read my new book when i'm not busy going blank.


to say that my en12 prof is a serious woman is an understatement. as my lit prof says it, this woman's tight assed. lol. sorry for the term. anyway, she's really dead serious with anything and everything. she tends to overanalyze and overreact even about the least of things, like sheets of paper or bathroom breaks. i miss ma'am abola. but as i am trying to see the positive light, this new one's strict quality also infers how intelligent she looked like. maybe i could learn more things about her given that she looked like a smart tight assed prof.


from serious to liberal. my lit14 prof has to be the most outspoken prof i've met so far. my 14 years of studying in a catholic school was of no sense now as i heard the 4 letter word being spoken by my prof freely as though it meant nothing to our virgin ears. well, this one's better than a straight faced prof.


err, i don't think i'm enjoying this. i'm three classes down with 4 more profs to go and i'm already too lazy to continue. would it be better to describe my profs in bullet form? here goes.


fil:
pro's:
-we have 3 basketball players in our block. does that mean we have an easy A prof?
-air conditioned classroom.
-same blockmates. iPusoY
-early dismissal

con's:
-stupid 1hour break before this
-lame prof, seemed boring and loser-ish
-loooong readings. i am not exagerrating.


zoo lec:
con's: (sorry, there really aren't any pros for this one)
-MOST boring prof ever
-hard subject
-irrelevant homework


my math and zoo lab profs were okay. they don't look so hard, nor so easy. also, their classes didn't leave me sleeping, yet. boo's to 4 hours of lab though.


this is really a senseless post. i could probably make a better one tomorrow. but for now, this will do.

the past caught me off guard

the past came back to me just as i was to talking to a friend tonight. the way i narrated everything that happened, i sounded so bitter, so hateful and regretful of the things i went through before. they were frankly mistakes, mistakes i don't wish to recount nor even try to remember. retelling these experiences practically brings me shame. i feel so stupid for the things i wish i never did, for the careless actions i took and for the rush decisions i made. i was too young then to think of the consequences of my actions and it was only now that i realize how hilarious i was before. i tried to mature ahead of the others, tried to live a life i know i shouldn't. oh well, all were said and done, and i am now left with regret of wishing i should not have done those stupid things.


i cannot say i have matured, nor can i say that i am a smarter person now, i think not. the only difference now is that i can laugh about my past since i am now living the present. i know i would soon eat my words for i would soon laugh at how i am living my life right now. still with the wrong decisons being made, still with the ignorant mind overpowering, and still with the dense heart not noticing anything. nonetheless, the past taught me things i know i should not do. the mistakes i once made are not supposed to be repeated; i try to think straight and be conscious of my words. but sometimes, everything tends to be forgotten when it's right there in front of you. :))


and for a fleeting moment i thought it was all true.
i just wanted you to notice me, if not for how i feel, but even for the time i give. call me needy, call me desperate, but i am just as confused as you are.