the last time i blogged i was so depressed. i ranted on how much pressure i'm giving myself for not giving my best. weeks have passed and somehow, i feel better, more relieved, but still, i feel there's something missing.
my grades are still not as good as they were during high school. my body clock is still not stable. i wake up at unholy hours for reasons i don't know. my body aches with the load i carry everyday. i experience headaches almost every night that i end up crying alone because of the pain. i stay up late studying or doing assignments, but still end up unsatisfied with what i have finished. i could state endless complaints with the way my life goes now. a lot has changed. and i cant stop comparing how my life was during high school and how it is now. culture shock? if it were, how come i enjoy it?
no matter how difficult life may be, i also can't find reasons not to enjoy everything laid out to me. i love the long walks to school. i love eating at mcdo for no special reason. i love staying here during weekends studying or simply lying around. i love going to places with my blockmates. i love the rush of screaming for our basketball team live!
in spite of the balance between the pros and cons, something is still lacking. home. i miss my room so much. the two days i spend at home every two weeks aren't enough to fill my homesickness. i like to stay at katipunan during weekends because i get tired of commuting for more than 4 hours before i reach home and because i don't get to study for my lessons when i'm home in batangas. but being home also means pampering myself and going to the mall without having to spend my own money. it has been an endless dilemma of going home or not.
my friend mara sent me a message saying "Life isn't about being fair, it's about surpassing the unfair reality." life always gives us two choices and no matter what choice we pick, life always gives us consequences. we just have to face the unfair reality of living up to it.
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