the morning after

It’s true, nothing ever comes out perfect. No matter how much you prepare for something, it will not guarantee to disaster proof whatever you’re planning.

And my prom is not excused from any mishaps either.

Spell kapangitan. I hated my hair. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I just wanted simple. And the gay meant something else with simple. Yeah sure, it was simple, but not the simple I wanted. And imagine the tons of spray net he put on my hair! Even the make up wasn’t as good as last year’s.

Early arrival. Being so excited for the prom and conscious of getting late, I arrived very early for prom. Good thing, I had some friends to hang out with and make pula with while waiting for the start of the prom. Gawd, it was just so fun secretly laughing at other people’s looks. I mean, prom is a night of fashion do’s and don’ts. Haha. And our number one don’t, blue hair won’t win you any award. A big NO. I just realized, arriving early isn’t bad after all, so better not include this one. Lol.

A woman’s right to shoes---comfortable shoes. I have been complaining all night about how bad my feet hurt. The prom hasn’t even started and they were already aching hell. The stupid 3-inch stilettos I bought supposedly for mass dance almost ruined my night. I still managed to dance and dance and dance even though my feet were hurting. Anything for a dance. Haha.

Lost and found and lost again. It was just a joke I pulled and was not supposed to be taken seriously. I am so sorry you have to go and look for me in the crowd. Really, it’s okay for me not to dance with you. And I’m sorry I took up some of your prom time just to try to look for a moving target.

A text away. This has got to be one of my biggest regrets for the night morning. Well, I just gave myself the benefit of the doubt, but wasn’t too patient to wait that I did benefited. I read your message too late. The prom was over. Too bad I didn’t have my last dance with you. Well, you could’ve approached me and asked me yourself, but you didn’t. I had my “what if’s”, but I realized there was something better than having a last dance with you, a last dance with the people who cherish and love me more than you ever will. I don’t blame myself for not reading your text earlier because I know if I did, I might just look too pathetic in front of you, asking you to dance with me. no bitterness anymore.

##################

For one fleeting moment, I realized one thing. Maybe I am really not in love with you. During that two minutes being alone with you, the sparks didn’t fly. There was no feeling of happiness that finally I am getting what I’ve dreamt of since last year’s prom. I was only happy, laughing on how silly you were trying to play with me, but frankly, hindi siya nakakakilig at all. haha. silly me.

##################

Just to remember how silly I have been during that moment...
Know I havent slept a week at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes are kinda tired
From crying all night long
Know I’ve never been too good at cooking just for one
It’s so lonely here without you darling
Come back home

‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love

Know life hasnt been much fun at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes being to feel
Each time I hear a sound
I spent every minute asking myself
What went wrong
Can’t we try to talk it over baby
Come back home

‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could love you like I do

‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could ever love you
No one else could ever be

Half crazy
Feeling sorry for myself
And I’m worried you’ll find someone else
Feeling sorry for myself
Half crazy

prom prom prom

More than a month ago, I have been excitedly preparing myself for this year’s prom. I wanted it to be all so perfect. Perfect gown. Perfect shoes. Perfect hair. Perfect body. Nope, erase that, not possible. So I decided to start off very early. Never did I realize that it wouldn’t turn out the way I expected it to be. My last post was a mess. I was a mess during that time. I have been very frustrated, depressed and worried of how my gown turned out. It was simply disastrous. I started to get paranoid that everything else could come out as a wreck. For two days I have been complaining about prom and everything else. Thankfully, after getting my fixed gown, prom seemed to gain a new light. Whew. So even if my gown’s still not as good as I expected, it didn’t stop me from all the excitement you get for prom night. All the dancing, eating, dressing up, and looking your best are the things that makes me get all these butterflies. Psyched!

So there’s one thing missing, a date. I thought having a date would make my last prom memorable. I whined about not having one, and felt bitter when one friend gets asked out. I finally got over that state of depression when I realized, hell, so what if I don’t have a date? That wouldn’t ruin my prom!. So I am officially going date-less. But I managed to snag kenji as my entrance escort. That will be enough.

This is my last prom. I am going to dance as if I just got high. I am going to eat as if I don’t have a weight problem. And I am going to enjoy as if it were my last. Well, it is my last after all.

I HATE PROM

tell me what's worse?



a date-less prom?


or a disaster of all disasters prom gown?
aghh.

was hanging on for hope

I should say, last night was definitely one of the best nights ever. I never thought you’d talk to me. More, you even asked for my help in some subject, honestly, I am not actually good at. But how can I refuse you? I mean, this was supposed to be the chance for you and I to somehow get to know each other more and my chance to rebuild our lost friendship. I prioritized finishing your homework rather than doing tons of paper work I was supposed to do for that night. We were so happy, at least that’s what I thought. No shyness hindered me from showing who I really am. And last night, I began to hang on for hope, again. I don’t expect you to leave our almost perfect girl just to be with a no close to perfection girl like me. Not that kind of hope. I expected that at least you will again consider me as someone you can to talk to anytime, and not just somebody you can ignore when we pass by each other at the corridor. You’ve given me that hope last night. I thought we’d be friends again, that last night was the start of something better. But I guess you have been my friend, only last night. I have hoped for so much last night, that so much has been lost as well today.

I saw you today twice. Well, I was expecting I would bump in to you today, hoping you would give comments of last night’s ‘talk’, but in those two times we’ve met, you seemed not to know me. You didn’t even greet me nor nod your head. It was like I never existed in your world. How can you be like that? How can you treat me like you only talk to me when you need something? I know I have been kind of a fool, helping you with things, but I think of them as opportunities to know you. I guess we don’t have the same purpose. Maybe, you just wanted to get the better of me. Am I really just your tutor, ready to help you when you need it? You are such a fake. Why can’t you just leave me alone and let me try to forget about you. I have been trying so hard, but you just keep coming back. Try to be real, even for once. I just don’t want to hang on for hope anymore.