i was talking to my friend the other day telling her that i couldn't remember the last time that i cried. i am honestly not the type of person who likes to show her feelings or be malambing to others. i grew up keeping everything to myself, be it my problems or my worries. i was afraid that if i try to ask other people to listen to me, they wouldn't understand me or worse, show no affection towards me. thus i am used to keeping it all inside until i can no longer control myself that i end up breaking down. but again, i try not to let others see how vulnerable i get sometimes.
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today i cried so hard. everything seemed so perfect these past few days. lazy mondays and eventful thursdays and fridays, and yet by the end of the week, i felt so tired and heavy. i thought everything was fine, but later on realized it wasn't. i grew homesick. i was alone and felt no one was there to listen. i thought i was strong, that i don't miss home, but silly me, i miss it badly. i made a wrong decision of choosing to stay here.
other than that, i really felt so alone today. i used to tell my friends that spending time alone is one of the most wonderful things i ever discovered. but on days like this one, i hate that i am alone. i feel so helpless with nobody to talk to. everything else started to fall apart. i started to worry about everything, about family, friends and myself.
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i worry about everything.
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