Just a few minutes ago, I was reading my friend’s post about the law of attraction which explains how all of us are given the opportunity of getting what we want because the entire universe connives to help us achieve whatever it is that we ask for. And it makes perfect sense, we’re all blessed with the gift, or shall I say, benefit of being spoiled by the universe by getting everything we want. But the catch, by everything, the law meant every thing, big or small, positive or negative. It’s up to us to decide of what we truly want and how much effort we give in getting our wishes granted.
And then I began to question. How many good wishes did I miss only because I continuously doubted myself, because I feared the challenges I might have to face before I get to the pot of gold, and because I wasn’t strong enough, not confident enough? I could be living a better and happier life right now if only I have been more positive of myself and my capabilities, but I’m not. I’m recounting all the things I could have achieved in the past if only I were better. My InTACT professor once wrote to me telling me that I’m good. But good does not necessarily mean it’s alright, because she said she believes that I can do better than good. Can I? I’ve always settled for being mediocre, a B-B+ student, but never an A student. I don’t push myself further to achieve something better because I fear of not getting what I want. That’s why I settle for something that’s okay, but not better. Is it because that throughout these opportunities that I can shine, I chose to remain in the sidelines, quietly blaming myself why I didn’t go for it. And the answer, negative thoughts entered faster than thoughts of success. And the universe processes these thoughts and leads me to wherever I am now. It’s not the universe’s fault why I may not be living the life I ideally planned, it was because of me. I became vulnerable to pessimism and did not even try to entertain the brighter side.
Nonetheless, the insight about the Law of Attraction made me realize that all of us have equal chances of being successful and being happy. The reason why other people are living better lives is because they have been more positive, more persevere compared to others. But that does not mean that’s the end for the rest of us right? The universe is unending, and so are our wishes. Knowing that each one is capable of getting their wishes given should at least help us realize that we’re only a positive thought away from better days.
I missed a lot of chances. I took away a lot of my wishes. But what the heck, the universe backs me up. I can always wish for more.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
Gail tagged me. Looove Survey :)
I tag Robee Ilagan, Nhet Malaluan, Joyce Ruiz, Yan Zhu, Miguel Andres, RD Magboo, Johanne Sarcilla and Zyrelle Santos.
RULES:
A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.
B. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.
1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Immediate reaction would probably be anger. I'd curse him and wish he'd die. :)) And then, I'd probably run to my friends and find comfort there. Then i would move on easily. Yay. :)
2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
Tell the person the truth, and try to find them a better match if they want.
3. What's your take on same-sex marriages?
Err, love knows no reason right? It's probably fine with me. :p
4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Yeah, sometimes. But I try to find my way through it. Sometimes, I still end up confused though. No idea why. haha
5. What's your ideal lover like?
Ooohh, this one's good. I want someone who's taller, preferably mestizo or chinese, clear faced and smells nice. :)) :)) But more importantly i like someone who writes or who's good enough in subjects i don't excel in. And and someone very spontaneous more than romantic.
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
Nah, if I already knew we don't share the same feelings toward each other, why bother trying right?
8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
FInd someone who isn't attached? Isn't that the logical thing to do? I wouldn't want to end up as the kirida. :))
9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Yeah. The weather's killing me. Sobrang init kasi.
10. What do you want most in life?
I want a lot. Let's start with a new laptop. :)) :))
11. Is being tagged fun?
Yeah, especially when you're bored.
12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
Those bitches. Die! :)) :)) We can't be friends anymore I guess. Find a new friend. No more boys.
13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
Everyone I love. Ahihihi. :)
14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Gail's really friendly, always smling to everyone she sees. :) She's like this friend you can depend on if your other friend cheats on you or if your boyfriend betrays you. :))
15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
Married and poor. Who wants to be rich and miserable right? It's like asking if you want happiness or success.
16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognize you, what would you do/how would you react?
Oh I know how that feels. :)) Try to make an impression to that person. Be KSP lang yan. Hahaha, kidding.
17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
If the person receiving is worth it, YES. :)
18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
Is that possible? Parang you can feel naman that someone is more important than the other. Well, that's probably just me. :P
19. What type of friends do you like?
Friends who can listen and can be listened to. Basically people I can spend long hours with.
20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
Laugh really hard =)) =))
Sunday, April 20, 2008
mainit, sobrang init
Baaaah, it’s been almost a month since I last updated my blog. I have a few good reasons for not updating though. Ahihihi. One, it was finals week. And you know what happens during finals week. Clickie! Two, I went abroad and finding a computer to log into would mean kawalan ng hiya or paying 10 bucks inside the airport. Three, summer school has already begun. I have classes everyday and quizzes each day as well. Barely have time to sleep. Hahaha, kidding. I actually sleep rather opening my notes. Summer heat has done well to tempt me to take a nap for about 2 hours each day. Four, procrastination + heat = no work done AT ALL. Oh well, I’m back hopefully.
***
Is it the weather or is it just me? It’s been a week and I still feel like I’m on summer mode. Buti na lang hindi maaga ang class ko kung hindi baka late ako everytime. I’d rather curl up in my bed and sleep some more instead of waking up and having to put up with the hot weather. The heat really tires me and forces me to work less so as to prevent myself from sweating too much. You know me, sweating like a pig kahit wala naman ginagawa. Worse, I have to walk home every single day, after lunch break when the sun’s up so high. And you know what happens next. Yes, I am getting darker everyday. I am now darker than my sister who’s the darkest of all the dark people. Hahaha. Sana lang bumalik yun normal skin tone ko before summer ends.
***
***
Is it the weather or is it just me? It’s been a week and I still feel like I’m on summer mode. Buti na lang hindi maaga ang class ko kung hindi baka late ako everytime. I’d rather curl up in my bed and sleep some more instead of waking up and having to put up with the hot weather. The heat really tires me and forces me to work less so as to prevent myself from sweating too much. You know me, sweating like a pig kahit wala naman ginagawa. Worse, I have to walk home every single day, after lunch break when the sun’s up so high. And you know what happens next. Yes, I am getting darker everyday. I am now darker than my sister who’s the darkest of all the dark people. Hahaha. Sana lang bumalik yun normal skin tone ko before summer ends.
***
I have a lot of insights from my 10/11 day trip but I’ve decided that I would make a separate post for that one. God knows how long will it take me to write that one.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
because peyton sawyer said so
Peyton Sawyer once said, “People always leave,” and sadly she was right about what she said.
I kept telling myself how much I enjoy doing things on my own, but honestly, I realized it’s no fun to eat by myself or stroll around the mall alone. I kept on fooling myself that to walk alone is the best thing that I’ve ever experienced. But in the end, it is also during these times when I do not have anyone to talk to or share food with that I feel how miserable my life would be if it were like this all the time. But then again, to proclaim that I enjoy being a loner is probably a projection of how I really feel inside. Perhaps I would rather choose to believe that I do not want to be with other people rather than to hang on for company that I know would later on leave. As much as I hate goodbyes, it breaks my heart to see people leave without even turning back to wave their final goodbyes.
This semester marks the end of a lot of things, an ending to my freshman year, an ending to my English block, and more things in between. I realized only this morning while I was tuning out inside the chapel that for an entire year I have been going in and out of the chapel and have unconsciously finished the whole school year. But sadly, the ending of the school year didn’t feel as exciting as I thought it would be. I imagined block parties, outings and end of the year celebrations, but none of these things happened. It seemed to me that this is probably how college really is, being independent and living in your little world. People don’t have time to think about you, it’s just you and whatever you have inside your head. I was so used with last day gimiks I often had during high school, and now that I’m in college, not even a bit of the memory was reborn.
But despite of this sad realization, I actually don’t blame anyone. Again, people always leave. I can’t stop my friends or my blockmates from doing what they want to go, right? Or go where they wish to go. Also, they don’t hold any responsibility of having a party with the whole class. In college, I figured, it’s alright not to care. Reality bites, but that’s how it goes. No matter how painful it is to see our block slowly drifting apart, I cannot do anything to get hold of them and gather them all together. I feel that as soon as summer classes start, we’d all be waving hi’s and hello’s but not stopping to talk with each other. It may be different this time.
***
Tomorrow (or I meant today) my English block will have our final lit play. To be frank, I have been waiting for people to stand up and suggest that we go out and celebrate after the play. But nobody did. After today, we will no longer be seeing each other thrice a week and have something common to talk about. My English and Lit Block list in YM will be senseless after the play. God knows, we might even start ignoring each other and pretending we weren’t blockmates for a year. Even if I wasn’t able to know all of them well, I’m going to miss everyone. And I hope that as we leave CTC206, we would not leave whatever we have shared within the four walls of that room.
***
On the first of April, a close friend will be migrating to Canada. And on the day before that, I’m leaving also. So that’s why I wanted that even before we both leave, I will be able to do something special for her. I’ve known her for more than four years but it was only during the last two years when I got the chance to get to know her better and to love her more. And to realize that in less than a week, she would be leaving and possibly may not be coming back is really really disheartening. I don’t want her to go, but I know my selfish want would not do her any good. I will miss her, we all will.
***
Why do people get sad when others leave? Because they fear that those who leave would never come back. No matter how hard I try to hold on to the memories I have shared with the people who are special to me, I know that by the end of the day, we all have to go separate ways. And nobody can stop us from doing so.
People always leave in order to go different directions, but sometimes these directions can take them back to where they have started or have left off. And maybe, just maybe, they can come back to those that they have left behind.
I kept telling myself how much I enjoy doing things on my own, but honestly, I realized it’s no fun to eat by myself or stroll around the mall alone. I kept on fooling myself that to walk alone is the best thing that I’ve ever experienced. But in the end, it is also during these times when I do not have anyone to talk to or share food with that I feel how miserable my life would be if it were like this all the time. But then again, to proclaim that I enjoy being a loner is probably a projection of how I really feel inside. Perhaps I would rather choose to believe that I do not want to be with other people rather than to hang on for company that I know would later on leave. As much as I hate goodbyes, it breaks my heart to see people leave without even turning back to wave their final goodbyes.
This semester marks the end of a lot of things, an ending to my freshman year, an ending to my English block, and more things in between. I realized only this morning while I was tuning out inside the chapel that for an entire year I have been going in and out of the chapel and have unconsciously finished the whole school year. But sadly, the ending of the school year didn’t feel as exciting as I thought it would be. I imagined block parties, outings and end of the year celebrations, but none of these things happened. It seemed to me that this is probably how college really is, being independent and living in your little world. People don’t have time to think about you, it’s just you and whatever you have inside your head. I was so used with last day gimiks I often had during high school, and now that I’m in college, not even a bit of the memory was reborn.
But despite of this sad realization, I actually don’t blame anyone. Again, people always leave. I can’t stop my friends or my blockmates from doing what they want to go, right? Or go where they wish to go. Also, they don’t hold any responsibility of having a party with the whole class. In college, I figured, it’s alright not to care. Reality bites, but that’s how it goes. No matter how painful it is to see our block slowly drifting apart, I cannot do anything to get hold of them and gather them all together. I feel that as soon as summer classes start, we’d all be waving hi’s and hello’s but not stopping to talk with each other. It may be different this time.
***
Tomorrow (or I meant today) my English block will have our final lit play. To be frank, I have been waiting for people to stand up and suggest that we go out and celebrate after the play. But nobody did. After today, we will no longer be seeing each other thrice a week and have something common to talk about. My English and Lit Block list in YM will be senseless after the play. God knows, we might even start ignoring each other and pretending we weren’t blockmates for a year. Even if I wasn’t able to know all of them well, I’m going to miss everyone. And I hope that as we leave CTC206, we would not leave whatever we have shared within the four walls of that room.
***
On the first of April, a close friend will be migrating to Canada. And on the day before that, I’m leaving also. So that’s why I wanted that even before we both leave, I will be able to do something special for her. I’ve known her for more than four years but it was only during the last two years when I got the chance to get to know her better and to love her more. And to realize that in less than a week, she would be leaving and possibly may not be coming back is really really disheartening. I don’t want her to go, but I know my selfish want would not do her any good. I will miss her, we all will.
***
Why do people get sad when others leave? Because they fear that those who leave would never come back. No matter how hard I try to hold on to the memories I have shared with the people who are special to me, I know that by the end of the day, we all have to go separate ways. And nobody can stop us from doing so.
People always leave in order to go different directions, but sometimes these directions can take them back to where they have started or have left off. And maybe, just maybe, they can come back to those that they have left behind.
Monday, March 17, 2008
comment deleted...
i hate multiply. :((
yet another post i shall further explain soon. i just wanted to remember this night. blaaaah.
yet another post i shall further explain soon. i just wanted to remember this night. blaaaah.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
just a minute
STOP THE ACADEMIC TORTURE! :
and save cantor's giant soft shells instead. hahaha. sabaaaaw.
and save cantor's giant soft shells instead. hahaha. sabaaaaw.
Happy Birthday Jenn! Good times :)
will edit soon, soon, soon.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
memory of her
Okay, this is the third attempt of writing a sensible blog entry. The first two were blah. I don’t even know what I was writing about. My mind’s busy thinking of a nice introduction for my reflection paper for English. This will be the last paper I have to write for English forever. Wow, I was actually surprised that after so many years of studying English or Language or Reading, I am down to my last paper. Surprising, I realized that note just now, while writing this post. Wow. *still trying to register the thought to my mind* Anyway, I have the brightest of all bright ideas for my reflection paper. Since it’s a reflection paper, it’s most likely a personal essay on a specific event in my life. I actually have an event already, and I don’t really understand why I chose this event. It never slipped my mind to write about the topic until I was writing down different events in my life during the weekend.
I decided to write about my lola’s Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t really understand what Alzheimer’s was before since she was diagnosed of it 8 or 9 years ago and I was really young then. All I knew was it affects a person’s mind and forces you to think like a child and to confuse the names of your grandchildren. Remember the McDo commercial on the lolo confusing the name of Gina and Karen? I think the poor old man was diagnosed of the same disease as my lola. So during that time, it was as simple as that. I even thought that kind of disease would wear off like a fever or colds. But it never did. After another 8 years, my lola passed away. She never gained back her strength or her present memory. All she remembered was the people in her past, excluding my lolo or her children. Until she died, all she talked about was the imaginary dogs not being fed or the virtual children playing in front of her. It’s sad to see her doing things which do not appear normal to children like me. What’s even worse is that I cannot do anything but look at her and even pity her condition. I was too young then, I couldn’t understand why she had to wear diapers or why my aunt had to bathe her and dress her up. And it’s only now that I realized that I could’ve done something for her other than avoid her and somehow feel embarrassed of her condition.
And then I thought of my own mother. What if she grows old like that as well? I don’t know if I can look at her the same way I do now. I don’t want to see her feeling handicapped and helpless. I don’t want her old friends to see her and pity her (when I know that behind my mom’s back, they’d be mocking her condition). But most of all, I don’t want to do nothing. I don’t want to waste another chance to do something for the people that I love. I don’t want a memory of me to be erased from them permanently.
I hope I can finish this last paper I have for English and then offer it to my lola. Probably, this paper would reach her and she'd know how regretful I am. I love you nanay meding. :)
I decided to write about my lola’s Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t really understand what Alzheimer’s was before since she was diagnosed of it 8 or 9 years ago and I was really young then. All I knew was it affects a person’s mind and forces you to think like a child and to confuse the names of your grandchildren. Remember the McDo commercial on the lolo confusing the name of Gina and Karen? I think the poor old man was diagnosed of the same disease as my lola. So during that time, it was as simple as that. I even thought that kind of disease would wear off like a fever or colds. But it never did. After another 8 years, my lola passed away. She never gained back her strength or her present memory. All she remembered was the people in her past, excluding my lolo or her children. Until she died, all she talked about was the imaginary dogs not being fed or the virtual children playing in front of her. It’s sad to see her doing things which do not appear normal to children like me. What’s even worse is that I cannot do anything but look at her and even pity her condition. I was too young then, I couldn’t understand why she had to wear diapers or why my aunt had to bathe her and dress her up. And it’s only now that I realized that I could’ve done something for her other than avoid her and somehow feel embarrassed of her condition.
And then I thought of my own mother. What if she grows old like that as well? I don’t know if I can look at her the same way I do now. I don’t want to see her feeling handicapped and helpless. I don’t want her old friends to see her and pity her (when I know that behind my mom’s back, they’d be mocking her condition). But most of all, I don’t want to do nothing. I don’t want to waste another chance to do something for the people that I love. I don’t want a memory of me to be erased from them permanently.
I hope I can finish this last paper I have for English and then offer it to my lola. Probably, this paper would reach her and she'd know how regretful I am. I love you nanay meding. :)
Monday, March 10, 2008
17 signs you like someone ;))
i actually have a lot of stuff to do right now, but chose to waste a few minutes giggling over this post. :)) :)) lame really.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU DO LIKE SOMEONE!
SEVENTEEN:
You look at their profile constantly.
SIXTEEN:
When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.
FIFTEEN:
You read their Texts and Ims Over and over again.
FOURTEEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.
THIRTEEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.
ELEVEN:
When you think about them, your heart beats faster but slower at the same time.
TEN:
You smile when you hear their voice.
NINE:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.
EIGHT:
You start listening to slow songs while thinking about them.
SEVEN:
They're all you think about.
SIX:
You get high just from their scent.
FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.
FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.
THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.
TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve was missing
ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.
NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO
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Post this as : 17 signs you like someone
*And something good will happen to you tomorrow .
*If you don't... you'll certainly regret
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU DO LIKE SOMEONE!
SEVENTEEN:
You look at their profile constantly.
SIXTEEN:
When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.
FIFTEEN:
You read their Texts and Ims Over and over again.
FOURTEEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.
THIRTEEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.
ELEVEN:
When you think about them, your heart beats faster but slower at the same time.
TEN:
You smile when you hear their voice.
NINE:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.
EIGHT:
You start listening to slow songs while thinking about them.
SEVEN:
They're all you think about.
SIX:
You get high just from their scent.
FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.
FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.
THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.
TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve was missing
ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.
NOW MAKE A WISH. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO
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Post this as : 17 signs you like someone
*And something good will happen to you tomorrow .
*If you don't... you'll certainly regret
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
finding strength
Apparently my day hasn’t gone any better. I woke up late today, enough for me to miss the start of the 7AM mass and to skip breakfast as well. This is the second time I woke up late, and I don’t know why. Trivia: I hate it when I wake up late, I become so paranoid that I start to think that if my day started awfully, it will affect the rest of the day or week. I’m weird that way. So I walked to school since no trike wanted to take me due to the 7AM traffic in Katipunan. So the day goes on, math was boring, zoology LT was sabaw (screw those worms and their worthless lives!) and zoology lab was seriously depressing. Apart from seeing our poor frog’s organs and letting him be abused by us, the main depression agent for today was receiving my long test results. Another trivia: low grades really make me sad, and I am serious when I say sad. I grew up being so grade conscious that even a quiz, more so a long exam depresses me so much. I feel so down, I get angry with the rest of the world and I just easily lose all my energy for anything else.
After my last class, I accompanied a friend to see her old friend. Last December, Joey Carlos died from a car accident. Until now, most people, especially those who are very much dear to Joey still hold this sadness Joey’s death brings. My friend wanted to reintroduce me to Joey so I walked with her to the High School soccer field. While I sat beside her by the goal post where Joey seemed to have appeared, I felt how depressed she was by his death. And I felt ashamed. Earlier I was whining over some stupid exam and some stupid alarm clock while my friend lost someone she loves. She has bigger problems than I do and yet, she’s brave enough to carry all these every single day. She told me if I didn’t accompany her today to see Joey, she would have gone there alone and would cry all over again. I wanted to tell her that if I went home earlier, I would have done the same. Cry over a stupid exam and seemingly bad day. You see, we both have problems of our own, but what makes it different is how superficial I get about things and not realize that there are people who have to endure the pain of living each day when they know death or loss is hanging by their shoulders. I’m thankful for people who can somehow give me strength and help me realize things I know I should have come to know years ago.
My mom asked me to search for today’s gospel in the net. Ironically, I go to church most of the time but don’t really understand what the readings say. It’s like I just love the feeling of sitting there and feeling the ambiance of the place, but not necessarily there to hear God’s word. So I found the gospel in the internet and realized some things. This realization is by the way due to the favor my mom asked me to – to come up with a homily for the gospel. Regardless of the day or the situation, people should learn how to help others. I mean, so what if it’s a Sabbath or so what if I have a long exam to study for or a news feature to write, if spending time to be with others would mean so much to them, why not give it?
God really has his own ways of making people discover something they have not known or have forgotten. I am thankful enough to know that in a way, God never forgets about me or he remembers to keep me reminded.
Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint John 5,1-3.5-16.
After this, there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
Now there is in Jerusalem at the Sheep (Gate) a pool called in Hebrew Bethesda, with five porticoes.
In these lay a large number of ill, blind, lame, and crippled.
One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years.
When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be well?"
The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me."
Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your mat, and walk."
Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked. Now that day was a sabbath.
So the Jews said to the man who was cured, "It is the sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to carry your mat."
He answered them, "The man who made me well told me, 'Take up your mat and walk.'"
They asked him, "Who is the man who told you, 'Take it up and walk'?"
The man who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had slipped away, since there was a crowd there.
After this Jesus found him in the temple area and said to him, "Look, you are well; do not sin any more, so that nothing worse may happen to you."
The man went and told the Jews that Jesus was the one who had made him well.
Therefore, the Jews began to persecute Jesus because he did this on a sabbath.
After my last class, I accompanied a friend to see her old friend. Last December, Joey Carlos died from a car accident. Until now, most people, especially those who are very much dear to Joey still hold this sadness Joey’s death brings. My friend wanted to reintroduce me to Joey so I walked with her to the High School soccer field. While I sat beside her by the goal post where Joey seemed to have appeared, I felt how depressed she was by his death. And I felt ashamed. Earlier I was whining over some stupid exam and some stupid alarm clock while my friend lost someone she loves. She has bigger problems than I do and yet, she’s brave enough to carry all these every single day. She told me if I didn’t accompany her today to see Joey, she would have gone there alone and would cry all over again. I wanted to tell her that if I went home earlier, I would have done the same. Cry over a stupid exam and seemingly bad day. You see, we both have problems of our own, but what makes it different is how superficial I get about things and not realize that there are people who have to endure the pain of living each day when they know death or loss is hanging by their shoulders. I’m thankful for people who can somehow give me strength and help me realize things I know I should have come to know years ago.
My mom asked me to search for today’s gospel in the net. Ironically, I go to church most of the time but don’t really understand what the readings say. It’s like I just love the feeling of sitting there and feeling the ambiance of the place, but not necessarily there to hear God’s word. So I found the gospel in the internet and realized some things. This realization is by the way due to the favor my mom asked me to – to come up with a homily for the gospel. Regardless of the day or the situation, people should learn how to help others. I mean, so what if it’s a Sabbath or so what if I have a long exam to study for or a news feature to write, if spending time to be with others would mean so much to them, why not give it?
God really has his own ways of making people discover something they have not known or have forgotten. I am thankful enough to know that in a way, God never forgets about me or he remembers to keep me reminded.
Holy Gospel of Jesus Christ according to Saint John 5,1-3.5-16.
After this, there was a feast of the Jews, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
Now there is in Jerusalem at the Sheep (Gate) a pool called in Hebrew Bethesda, with five porticoes.
In these lay a large number of ill, blind, lame, and crippled.
One man was there who had been ill for thirty-eight years.
When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had been ill for a long time, he said to him, "Do you want to be well?"
The sick man answered him, "Sir, I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; while I am on my way, someone else gets down there before me."
Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your mat, and walk."
Immediately the man became well, took up his mat, and walked. Now that day was a sabbath.
So the Jews said to the man who was cured, "It is the sabbath, and it is not lawful for you to carry your mat."
He answered them, "The man who made me well told me, 'Take up your mat and walk.'"
They asked him, "Who is the man who told you, 'Take it up and walk'?"
The man who was healed did not know who it was, for Jesus had slipped away, since there was a crowd there.
After this Jesus found him in the temple area and said to him, "Look, you are well; do not sin any more, so that nothing worse may happen to you."
The man went and told the Jews that Jesus was the one who had made him well.
Therefore, the Jews began to persecute Jesus because he did this on a sabbath.
Monday, March 03, 2008
i am blaming the rain again
I feel so unhappy right now.
I was walking with my blockmates earlier and I opened a topic about my other blockmate who will be celebrating her 18th birthday by the end of the month. So we started thinking of plans for her surprise party with pretty dresses and party related things. And after we talked I bid them goodbye since I had to drop by the chapel before going home. While I was alone in the chapel, I felt depressed and nostalgic. I can’t remember but there was something in the weather and the time of day that made me remember something in the past, I just couldn’t figure out what it exactly is. And for some weird reason, I began to cry. I was thinking about my mom, she texted me earlier today saying her legs hurt and that she wasn’t feeling well. I prayed to God asking Him to help her and to keep her away from harm. I prayed so hard and asked God to help my family. It felt like I was beginning to lose them and to pray long and hard would stop them from leaving me. I stayed inside longer since the rain hasn’t stopped yet, and the more time I spend inside that chapel, the more I felt depressed and weary.
I remembered my conversation with my blockmates earlier and about the surprise birthday parties. Self-pity got the worst of me and I began to worry about my own birthday. I know it’s selfish of me to think of my own birthday when there are other people who deserve more special birthdays than I ever will. But I am honestly an insecure person. I wonder how many people wrote in their planners or in their calendars when my birthday is. And if they would remember my birthday and try to find a way to greet me or make my day special; I never actually received any surprises from people that I love, so I don’t know how it feels to be surprised. Sure I know how it feels to surprise other people or think of a good idea to surprise them on their special days. I wish even for a single day, I can have a surprise as well. I sound selfish and self-pitying, but there are just those days when you don’t want to care about what other people would think. Forgive me, but this is one of those days. Days that you feel so unpretty, unnoticed and unloved.
I was walking with my blockmates earlier and I opened a topic about my other blockmate who will be celebrating her 18th birthday by the end of the month. So we started thinking of plans for her surprise party with pretty dresses and party related things. And after we talked I bid them goodbye since I had to drop by the chapel before going home. While I was alone in the chapel, I felt depressed and nostalgic. I can’t remember but there was something in the weather and the time of day that made me remember something in the past, I just couldn’t figure out what it exactly is. And for some weird reason, I began to cry. I was thinking about my mom, she texted me earlier today saying her legs hurt and that she wasn’t feeling well. I prayed to God asking Him to help her and to keep her away from harm. I prayed so hard and asked God to help my family. It felt like I was beginning to lose them and to pray long and hard would stop them from leaving me. I stayed inside longer since the rain hasn’t stopped yet, and the more time I spend inside that chapel, the more I felt depressed and weary.
I remembered my conversation with my blockmates earlier and about the surprise birthday parties. Self-pity got the worst of me and I began to worry about my own birthday. I know it’s selfish of me to think of my own birthday when there are other people who deserve more special birthdays than I ever will. But I am honestly an insecure person. I wonder how many people wrote in their planners or in their calendars when my birthday is. And if they would remember my birthday and try to find a way to greet me or make my day special; I never actually received any surprises from people that I love, so I don’t know how it feels to be surprised. Sure I know how it feels to surprise other people or think of a good idea to surprise them on their special days. I wish even for a single day, I can have a surprise as well. I sound selfish and self-pitying, but there are just those days when you don’t want to care about what other people would think. Forgive me, but this is one of those days. Days that you feel so unpretty, unnoticed and unloved.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
top 10 things that made me happier :)
I got tagged. :D
Post 10 things that recently made you happy, then tag ten other people and spread the LOVE!
Unlike others who do not have anything to be happy about *coughrdcough* HAHAHA, i have my 10 happy things :))
1. Wicked Oreos from Flaming Wings
with the super team yan, johanne, justin and miggy. thank you justin for the libre. :))
2. Pusoy Dos
winning syempre adds to the happiness. sorry na lang kung easy come, easy go. HAHAHA.
we don't get to play as often as we did before. sad. :(
3. Literature Week Book Sale in De La Costa a few weeks ago
any book sale is a happy day actually. nerd. :-B
4. Impy Pilapil Gallery of the 12 senses
the playground beside De La Costa Hall. i had fun trying out all the gallery pieces. but i especially love the wall of bamboos and the rock with the hole where you huuuuum.
5. surfthechannel.com
thanks to surfthechannel, i get to watch recent episodes of one tree hill and american idol. movies also. :))
6. DAVID ARCHULETA
i wanna marry him someday and squish him 'cause he's so CUTE, funny, humble and so ideal. :x and his voice is just so... 8->
7. interview with Omi Castanar
he was a really friendly guy. i can't help but admire him. :P thank you Katipunan.
8. The Carpenters
i lost my The Carpenters folder in my playlist so i had to redownload the songs. :x
Tomorrow maybe even brighter than today
since I threw my sadness away.
Only yesterday
9. text messages from random people
ang babaw pero i like the feeling when people remember me and text me random messages out of the blue. phone calls also work. hahaha
10. summerrrrr
well, it's almost there, less than a month from now. i wanna go somewhere. hmmm, cagayan de oro? :)) :)) or out of the country? asa. :|
More happy stuff. Wooo.
11. Gay pictures >:)
12. rain on a Sunday afternoon
normally, the rain depresses me. but today seemed different.
can i not tag anyone? ahihihi :)
i wish i was an earthworm
...so that i can have a lot of hearts. blah. :P
sorry, ang sabaw ko. hahaha. it's true though, they have five hearts. (zoology hang over)
sorry, ang sabaw ko. hahaha. it's true though, they have five hearts. (zoology hang over)
Friday, February 22, 2008
the overused word known as happiness
after three weeks of suffering in katipunan avenue, i'm finally going home.
i don't really get so excited about going home, but today seemed like a very happy day that everything seemed to go my way. everything feels light and calm. although the weather in ateneo is starting to kill my skin, the rest seemed happy. i'm in a very good mood today, i don't even know why.
maybe because it's friday. and people in ateneo reallly make a big deal out of the whole TGIF thing that some of my blockmates are even planning on going out somewhere for tonight. after a whole week of stress, eating dinner somewhere or catching a movie actually help lessen the pressure for another week ahead.
maybe because i ate ice cream and a popsicle and chocnut waffle today. okay, ang babaw. i'm really gaining a lot of weight today. it's just that i've been controlling myself for weeks because i wanted to save more money for people's birthdays and to spend money on my happy food is not part of my budget. but i gave in. : the siomai i had for lunch sucked, so i searched for a happy alternative. and i discovered chocnut waffle. for only 12 bucks, i satisified myself. and blame the long hour breaks for the popsicle and the ice cream. hahaha.
maybe because i have a long weekend. ditch the tons of homework and long exams i have for next week, this is my weekend. i want to have fun. i have no idea how i'm gonna finish all my requirements for next week if i were to go home, but what the heck, i can prolly cram them all on monday night.
maybe because i was abel to spend some "good times" with R21. i honestly don't get to bond with most of them, but today seemed special. i talked to blockmates i don't usually talk to before. i realized maybe i can share the same block love i have with Y to my english block. and it's really sad that i we'll no longer be blockmates next year. =((
maybe because i feel like i'm starting to move on. this is genuine na okay. i figured why should i waste my precious time daydreaming when i can do something better. i wouldn't want to wait for something to happen right? so this may be the sign i was looking for. the signs i was waiting for to come. it's not about searching or looking at the sign, it's more of feeling it.
maybe because my mom promised me we'd go shopping this weekend. okay, this is the materialistic side of the story. >:) it's just that it's been more than months since i last went to a mall and shopped for something other than groceries.
maybe because i discovered sensuality. my lit prof has always reiterated that for something to be appreciated, it has to be sensual. and when one speaks of sensuality, one relates everything to the senses. and our senses are not limited to only 5 senses. Impy Pilapil, a sensual artist, opened a gallery of senses today in ateneo. the gallery was entitled "activating your 12 senses". the gallery was outdoor and offered a different kind of experience to people. and you know me, i'm not that type of person relating herself much to art. but the gallery was beautiful, no wait, it was colorful, full of life, energetic and HAPPY. there you go, happy. i spent more than an hour trying out the gallery pieces. yes, i tried them out, since all of them gives you the chance to really experience them and activate your 12 senses. cool noh? and the gallery will stay until july 2008. :)
just like love, happiness is prolly something you don't have to find reasons for. it's just like that, plain and simple. i think it's something that we always have, it's just that sometimes we forget it's in us. maybe because we're too busy with our fucked up lives that we don't notice this inner happiness or this inner love we have from the beginning. and because of sensuality or of our senses that we realize this happy feeling inside. finding reasons why we're happy or strolling around a gallery are not the only ways we can rediscover this weird feeling i like to call happiness.
i don't really get so excited about going home, but today seemed like a very happy day that everything seemed to go my way. everything feels light and calm. although the weather in ateneo is starting to kill my skin, the rest seemed happy. i'm in a very good mood today, i don't even know why.
maybe because it's friday. and people in ateneo reallly make a big deal out of the whole TGIF thing that some of my blockmates are even planning on going out somewhere for tonight. after a whole week of stress, eating dinner somewhere or catching a movie actually help lessen the pressure for another week ahead.
maybe because i ate ice cream and a popsicle and chocnut waffle today. okay, ang babaw. i'm really gaining a lot of weight today. it's just that i've been controlling myself for weeks because i wanted to save more money for people's birthdays and to spend money on my happy food is not part of my budget. but i gave in. : the siomai i had for lunch sucked, so i searched for a happy alternative. and i discovered chocnut waffle. for only 12 bucks, i satisified myself. and blame the long hour breaks for the popsicle and the ice cream. hahaha.
maybe because i have a long weekend. ditch the tons of homework and long exams i have for next week, this is my weekend. i want to have fun. i have no idea how i'm gonna finish all my requirements for next week if i were to go home, but what the heck, i can prolly cram them all on monday night.
maybe because i was abel to spend some "good times" with R21. i honestly don't get to bond with most of them, but today seemed special. i talked to blockmates i don't usually talk to before. i realized maybe i can share the same block love i have with Y to my english block. and it's really sad that i we'll no longer be blockmates next year. =((
maybe because i feel like i'm starting to move on. this is genuine na okay. i figured why should i waste my precious time daydreaming when i can do something better. i wouldn't want to wait for something to happen right? so this may be the sign i was looking for. the signs i was waiting for to come. it's not about searching or looking at the sign, it's more of feeling it.
maybe because my mom promised me we'd go shopping this weekend. okay, this is the materialistic side of the story. >:) it's just that it's been more than months since i last went to a mall and shopped for something other than groceries.
maybe because i discovered sensuality. my lit prof has always reiterated that for something to be appreciated, it has to be sensual. and when one speaks of sensuality, one relates everything to the senses. and our senses are not limited to only 5 senses. Impy Pilapil, a sensual artist, opened a gallery of senses today in ateneo. the gallery was entitled "activating your 12 senses". the gallery was outdoor and offered a different kind of experience to people. and you know me, i'm not that type of person relating herself much to art. but the gallery was beautiful, no wait, it was colorful, full of life, energetic and HAPPY. there you go, happy. i spent more than an hour trying out the gallery pieces. yes, i tried them out, since all of them gives you the chance to really experience them and activate your 12 senses. cool noh? and the gallery will stay until july 2008. :)
just like love, happiness is prolly something you don't have to find reasons for. it's just like that, plain and simple. i think it's something that we always have, it's just that sometimes we forget it's in us. maybe because we're too busy with our fucked up lives that we don't notice this inner happiness or this inner love we have from the beginning. and because of sensuality or of our senses that we realize this happy feeling inside. finding reasons why we're happy or strolling around a gallery are not the only ways we can rediscover this weird feeling i like to call happiness.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
[re: Lozada and ZTE] Hindi ka nag-iisa
Minsan lang ako mag chain mail, so basahin niyo 'to. And re-post, if you care.
***from the blog of the nephew of Jun Lozadahttp://voltz1129.multiply.com/journal/item/43?replies_read=1***
[A proverbial clash between David and Goliath, a boy surrounded by bullies. It’s starting. Claims being denied left and right, being retracted at every turn. Our family desperately needs help. We need people to believe, we need people who will support us, and this is the only way I know how to reach out. So please, if you care enough, please repost this so that your circle of friends may be informed. For further information, please read my past blogs.]
Given another chance, I wouldn’t choose a testimony on a Friday. This gave palace officials a couple of days to prepare. If you could notice, right after the hearing and the press conference, the implicated persons were out of public’s sight. Instead, some others were made to appear in front of the media. Now, after two days, these are the things that are happening:
Media people were paid 500K to shut up. I received a text message. I could only speculate. But I’m afraid it might be true. During these times, I’m going to take it for what its worth. Hopefully, its not true. Hopefully, journalists and media people will stick to their principles and continue to uphold the truth and not compromise it for any monetary value. But let me share one article that may somewhat give justice to this claim:
An article in Pilipino Star Ngayon dated Feb 9 claimed that it was only Sen Enrile who gave the most “substantial” line of questioning by asking my uncle why he chose to stay with those people whom he knew were corrupt. The article further claimed that my uncle loses credibility by choosing to stay with the corrupt people and goes on to say that he himself is corrupt by his own admission. Sen Escudero said it best: only a thief can catch a thief. If someone stole your cellphone and you report it to the police, do you think it will be recovered? I highly doubt it. I would dare claim that they won’t even catch the guy who took it. But go ask your local bully who just happens to be your friend, and I’m sure that within seconds someone will say that it was “magically” brought to him by another person. If my uncle turned his back from that project that early, yes, it could have made his life easier. But then again, if he was not there, we’d be listening to the Arroyo – De Venecia family feud on our sets now, without knowing for certain who’s telling the truth and who’s speaking mere lies..
Military is funded P-6B. Again, I’m taking it for what it’s worth. To begin with, I don’t really trust the military. Other than Trillanes and the Magdalo group, I think they’re the President’s private army. Try to look at the past PNP and AFP chiefs. They are either retired well off, or still serving the government in some other capacity. Favors never ended for them. But again, this is speculation, my opinion. Besides, after my godfather was brutally murdered by the “intelligence” unit of the PNP and were punished by something a bit harsher than a slap at the wrist (the criminals, all police officers, got about 6 months suspension, my godfather’s family got I think around 5mil in compensation, and that’s about it.), they were back on the force, ready to make mistakes again.
Weird events. My cousin and my aunts are saying that a black Mitsubishi Adventure is roaming around their houses. Yesterday, I was to go to their house, but on the way, I say a black Crosswind seemingly lost. I tried to follow it, but it stopped at some house. To avoid suspicion, I went on my way. Earlier, as I was going home, this same Crosswind was coming into the village and went through the security gate, meaning they were not homeowners. Still, it was moving slowly. I might be paranoid, but again, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt. Also yesterday, someone called up claiming to be from the Wheelers Club. For those who don’t know, it is a towing service which you apply membership for so that in case of any accident, they will tow your vehicle free of charge. My mother’s vehicle is a registered vehicle. Here’s how the conversation went:
Lady: is Ms Evangeline Lozada going to register the vehicle again? Her vehicle is a white Mitsubishi Lancer with plate number _ _ _ - _ _ _, right?
Sister: uh, yes?
Lady: Is your mother still using the vehicle?
Sister: no, she’s commuting. Who is this?
Lady: Uhm, this is Mila.
Sister: Mila who?
Lady: Mila Diaz.
Sister: Where are you from?
Lady: Uhm, this is from Towing.
Sister: Towing?
Lady: Yes, from the Wheeler’s club.
Sister: What branch?
Lady: E. Rod.
Sister: Do you have a phone number?
Lady: 0920…
Sister: Don’t you have a landline number for your office?
Lady: Uhm, wait. (pauses for a while, seemingly getting something) its (insert Wheeler’s Club number here)
This is why it’s weird. First, my mother’s membership isn’t due until July this year. What would be the reason behind someone calling about her membership? Next, why would anyone from the towing department call and ask about membership? Their job is to tow cars, not register people. Another thing, for registration purposes, why would you need to know if the person is still using the vehicle? I mean, why the hell should they care? They’re already paid and that payment is good until July, so what’s their business wanting to know how that car is right now? And finally, if she is an employee of the Wheeler’s club, why must she pause and look for a number for their own office? You can look Wheeler’s Club up in any yellow pages. Why is it that the first number that would come to her mind is her cellphone number? For official purposes, shouldn’t you give out your company’s own number?
Another call weird call was from someone from Days hotel, asking if my father was home. Asked why, he said he just wants to know if he’s here. Upon saying he isn’t the person on the other end said thanks, and put the phone down. Promos are common nowadays, but from Days hotel? Can anyone tell me if they got a call from them recently looking for a person and not saying why? My father isn’t a hotel person. At least, that’s what I know. At this particular time, I’d trust him more than the Days dude.
We may just be paranoid, but we’re not taking any chances.
Retractions and preparations. Abalos, on his initial interview, fumed when asked by a reporter his thoughts now that 3 people are implicating him on the ZTE deal. He lost his cool. Days after that incident, he appears in front of the media, saying that he is going to file a libel case against my uncle. Now, he has an alibi, a story he can tell the whole world, so he waited until after a couple of days before he could readily face the media. With all due respect to Benjamin, the mayor of Mandaluyong and son of the controversial Abalos, is one of the mayors I actually admire. I don’t know him, I am not from Mandaluyong, but I like him simply because he is a Bosconian. The four years of my life in Don Bosco Mandaluyong have been the most transformative in my life, simply because of the care of the Salesian priests. I have no doubt in my mind that he too is one of those people guided by the principles of the Salesians. I leave him to decide whether or not he will choose the truth over his family.
Gen. Razon, for his part, is still maintaining that he merely acted on my uncle’s request. He is still firm on saying that my uncle wrote to him asking for safety, because he fears for his life. Again, we ask, safety from what and from whom? The senate isn’t going to kill him. “Arrest” doesn’t mean he’s going to get killed, and we’re not dumb as to believing that something bad will happen to him at the senate. We are afraid of the administration and Abalos, and help from the PNP is the last thing that we’re going to ask for after what they did to my godfather, Uncle Jun’s brother. Razon initially claimed that records do not show a certain Roger Valeroso. However, a further search on their database revealed that this Valeroso was actually a former member of the PNP who is now with the DENR. A couple of points I want to question: Under what capacity can a mere SPO4 serve in the DENR? Yes, one may ask too, what is an official of the Forestry corporation doing in a broadband deal? Different talents may be in one person, which is why they serve in areas which are totally different from each other. But as my uncle said, one of his tasks was to “moderate their greed” which ultimately means allow greed, but not to blown up proportions. Could that be Mr. Valeroso’s task in the DENR? But then again, why is he being asked to run errand picking people up in the airport? Additionally, where is he? Why has he not appeared yet, and why is it that only his name is being surfaced, and not the person himself to prove his existence? And most importantly, Razon said that the PNP is just doing their duty of “securing” my uncle, and they have accomplished that mission since my uncle is now speaking in front of the public. However, if it were true that PNP personnel were the people who handled my uncle, why is it that Roger Valeroso is from the DENR? It’s problematic. He and Gen. Atutubo should’ve talked first before releasing a statement.
Speaking of Gen. Atutubo, has anyone seen or heard from him after Thursday? I haven’t. Maybe they’re still spanking him for speaking without coordinating. Palace officials and scriptwriters are now having a hard time trying to figure out how the abduction angle can be dispelled, because apparently, the written request and my Aunt’s supposed request are not yet enough for the people.
Sec. Neri, the dear friend my uncle seeks to protect out of “respect”, is not even supporting him, which is all the more demoralizing, for lack of a better term, for me personally. My uncle’s in a position where he can no longer turn back, so afraid or not, he should carry on. He’s been broken down in Hong Kong. On the account of people who were with him, there were times when he answers his cellphone and then his eyes just suddenly turns red. We want to show him that we’re still behind him, but personally, I’m feeling disappointed and afraid that this might lead to nothing because they’re ganging up on him.
Invoking rights. Let me get it right: according to the bill of rights, one has the right to invoke his right against self-incrimination. By invoking this right, one may not be persecuted by evidence that is from him. When Sen. Miriam Santiago was questioning my uncle, he could have very well invoked this right so as he would not be persecuted on his admittance. He didn’t, because he wasn’t going to hide anything (well, apparently, anything that does not involve Sec. Neri) from the public. Now, people from the government are filing a case against him because of his admittance of corruption. And you know why? Because “this government does not tolerate corruption.” Tell that to importers who continually pay people from customs so that they can go on with their business. Tell that to countless people who MMDA and traffic enforcers extort money from. Tell that to the general public. Tell that to the farmers who walked all the way from the province to air out their grievances to the government. And if they all say that statement is a fact, then I will concede that the President is in fact our savior, and no other person is fit to be in that position of power than her.
Funding. I could tell you this much: a couple of my cousins and I are discussing this situation, and we concede that if it were up to us, we would just shut up given the right amount, amounts that would make us all set until at least the next generation. I will not be a hypocrite who will say that I am an all-righteous person. I just want to live a quiet, simple life. That’s why I’ve been holding off law school even to this date. By doing all these, we’re being put at the very top of the most wanted list of the Leprechaun’s private army. It’s a tough company to go against. She has allies in all major departments of the country and she is the well-loved commander-in-chief of the military leaders. Accepting an amount is the easiest way to get out of this mess. But after my uncle’s testimony, how else can you retract after going this deep into it?
My uncle is doing this for the country, in honor of that great man who produced excellent people, my grandfather, Rodolfo Sr., or “Upoy” for the locals in Ligao, Albay. This country, as my uncle claimed, has done so much for our family. What he is doing now is the least he can do to repay this for this country and honor his father. I am just afraid that he may be “just another witness” to the very same people who he is trying to protect. To dispel the possibility of funding from the other side, I will wholeheartedly say that he is not motivated or funded by anyone from the opposition. To tell you frankly, my uncle’s not that poor to be bought at some price (unlike me and my cousins). While he was in Hong Kong, he was telling my father that he doesn’t want to talk to Sen. Lacson anymore because it seems that he is using him for his political ambitions in 2010. He wanted his family to be the ones who would fetch him from the airport because he doesn’t want to be linked to any opposition senator, as it might give the wrong impression.
Personal knowledge is all we have. Should there be any actual evidence, I personally would not know of it. However, I can attest that everything he said in the senate about his involvement in the ZTE deal is true due to the fact that it is the same story we’ve heard countless times before. And that is all we have. That is the only stone that we could throw at the Goliath we are going up against. I implore you people, please make your voices heard. Please pass this on. Let more people know so that they will not be confined to what they hear or see on the different media that present news. Our involvement in this mess won’t make us rich. It won’t make my uncle the president of this country. National recognition may be inevitable, but what more can it give you than celebrity status, and how in the hell can it improve his lifestyle? We gain nothing big from this mess. So please, help this David out and spread the truth before Goliath completely annihilates him and make him just another page in their book of lies.
***from the blog of the nephew of Jun Lozadahttp://voltz1129.multiply.com/journal/item/43?replies_read=1***
[A proverbial clash between David and Goliath, a boy surrounded by bullies. It’s starting. Claims being denied left and right, being retracted at every turn. Our family desperately needs help. We need people to believe, we need people who will support us, and this is the only way I know how to reach out. So please, if you care enough, please repost this so that your circle of friends may be informed. For further information, please read my past blogs.]
Given another chance, I wouldn’t choose a testimony on a Friday. This gave palace officials a couple of days to prepare. If you could notice, right after the hearing and the press conference, the implicated persons were out of public’s sight. Instead, some others were made to appear in front of the media. Now, after two days, these are the things that are happening:
Media people were paid 500K to shut up. I received a text message. I could only speculate. But I’m afraid it might be true. During these times, I’m going to take it for what its worth. Hopefully, its not true. Hopefully, journalists and media people will stick to their principles and continue to uphold the truth and not compromise it for any monetary value. But let me share one article that may somewhat give justice to this claim:
An article in Pilipino Star Ngayon dated Feb 9 claimed that it was only Sen Enrile who gave the most “substantial” line of questioning by asking my uncle why he chose to stay with those people whom he knew were corrupt. The article further claimed that my uncle loses credibility by choosing to stay with the corrupt people and goes on to say that he himself is corrupt by his own admission. Sen Escudero said it best: only a thief can catch a thief. If someone stole your cellphone and you report it to the police, do you think it will be recovered? I highly doubt it. I would dare claim that they won’t even catch the guy who took it. But go ask your local bully who just happens to be your friend, and I’m sure that within seconds someone will say that it was “magically” brought to him by another person. If my uncle turned his back from that project that early, yes, it could have made his life easier. But then again, if he was not there, we’d be listening to the Arroyo – De Venecia family feud on our sets now, without knowing for certain who’s telling the truth and who’s speaking mere lies..
Military is funded P-6B. Again, I’m taking it for what it’s worth. To begin with, I don’t really trust the military. Other than Trillanes and the Magdalo group, I think they’re the President’s private army. Try to look at the past PNP and AFP chiefs. They are either retired well off, or still serving the government in some other capacity. Favors never ended for them. But again, this is speculation, my opinion. Besides, after my godfather was brutally murdered by the “intelligence” unit of the PNP and were punished by something a bit harsher than a slap at the wrist (the criminals, all police officers, got about 6 months suspension, my godfather’s family got I think around 5mil in compensation, and that’s about it.), they were back on the force, ready to make mistakes again.
Weird events. My cousin and my aunts are saying that a black Mitsubishi Adventure is roaming around their houses. Yesterday, I was to go to their house, but on the way, I say a black Crosswind seemingly lost. I tried to follow it, but it stopped at some house. To avoid suspicion, I went on my way. Earlier, as I was going home, this same Crosswind was coming into the village and went through the security gate, meaning they were not homeowners. Still, it was moving slowly. I might be paranoid, but again, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt. Also yesterday, someone called up claiming to be from the Wheelers Club. For those who don’t know, it is a towing service which you apply membership for so that in case of any accident, they will tow your vehicle free of charge. My mother’s vehicle is a registered vehicle. Here’s how the conversation went:
Lady: is Ms Evangeline Lozada going to register the vehicle again? Her vehicle is a white Mitsubishi Lancer with plate number _ _ _ - _ _ _, right?
Sister: uh, yes?
Lady: Is your mother still using the vehicle?
Sister: no, she’s commuting. Who is this?
Lady: Uhm, this is Mila.
Sister: Mila who?
Lady: Mila Diaz.
Sister: Where are you from?
Lady: Uhm, this is from Towing.
Sister: Towing?
Lady: Yes, from the Wheeler’s club.
Sister: What branch?
Lady: E. Rod.
Sister: Do you have a phone number?
Lady: 0920…
Sister: Don’t you have a landline number for your office?
Lady: Uhm, wait. (pauses for a while, seemingly getting something) its (insert Wheeler’s Club number here)
This is why it’s weird. First, my mother’s membership isn’t due until July this year. What would be the reason behind someone calling about her membership? Next, why would anyone from the towing department call and ask about membership? Their job is to tow cars, not register people. Another thing, for registration purposes, why would you need to know if the person is still using the vehicle? I mean, why the hell should they care? They’re already paid and that payment is good until July, so what’s their business wanting to know how that car is right now? And finally, if she is an employee of the Wheeler’s club, why must she pause and look for a number for their own office? You can look Wheeler’s Club up in any yellow pages. Why is it that the first number that would come to her mind is her cellphone number? For official purposes, shouldn’t you give out your company’s own number?
Another call weird call was from someone from Days hotel, asking if my father was home. Asked why, he said he just wants to know if he’s here. Upon saying he isn’t the person on the other end said thanks, and put the phone down. Promos are common nowadays, but from Days hotel? Can anyone tell me if they got a call from them recently looking for a person and not saying why? My father isn’t a hotel person. At least, that’s what I know. At this particular time, I’d trust him more than the Days dude.
We may just be paranoid, but we’re not taking any chances.
Retractions and preparations. Abalos, on his initial interview, fumed when asked by a reporter his thoughts now that 3 people are implicating him on the ZTE deal. He lost his cool. Days after that incident, he appears in front of the media, saying that he is going to file a libel case against my uncle. Now, he has an alibi, a story he can tell the whole world, so he waited until after a couple of days before he could readily face the media. With all due respect to Benjamin, the mayor of Mandaluyong and son of the controversial Abalos, is one of the mayors I actually admire. I don’t know him, I am not from Mandaluyong, but I like him simply because he is a Bosconian. The four years of my life in Don Bosco Mandaluyong have been the most transformative in my life, simply because of the care of the Salesian priests. I have no doubt in my mind that he too is one of those people guided by the principles of the Salesians. I leave him to decide whether or not he will choose the truth over his family.
Gen. Razon, for his part, is still maintaining that he merely acted on my uncle’s request. He is still firm on saying that my uncle wrote to him asking for safety, because he fears for his life. Again, we ask, safety from what and from whom? The senate isn’t going to kill him. “Arrest” doesn’t mean he’s going to get killed, and we’re not dumb as to believing that something bad will happen to him at the senate. We are afraid of the administration and Abalos, and help from the PNP is the last thing that we’re going to ask for after what they did to my godfather, Uncle Jun’s brother. Razon initially claimed that records do not show a certain Roger Valeroso. However, a further search on their database revealed that this Valeroso was actually a former member of the PNP who is now with the DENR. A couple of points I want to question: Under what capacity can a mere SPO4 serve in the DENR? Yes, one may ask too, what is an official of the Forestry corporation doing in a broadband deal? Different talents may be in one person, which is why they serve in areas which are totally different from each other. But as my uncle said, one of his tasks was to “moderate their greed” which ultimately means allow greed, but not to blown up proportions. Could that be Mr. Valeroso’s task in the DENR? But then again, why is he being asked to run errand picking people up in the airport? Additionally, where is he? Why has he not appeared yet, and why is it that only his name is being surfaced, and not the person himself to prove his existence? And most importantly, Razon said that the PNP is just doing their duty of “securing” my uncle, and they have accomplished that mission since my uncle is now speaking in front of the public. However, if it were true that PNP personnel were the people who handled my uncle, why is it that Roger Valeroso is from the DENR? It’s problematic. He and Gen. Atutubo should’ve talked first before releasing a statement.
Speaking of Gen. Atutubo, has anyone seen or heard from him after Thursday? I haven’t. Maybe they’re still spanking him for speaking without coordinating. Palace officials and scriptwriters are now having a hard time trying to figure out how the abduction angle can be dispelled, because apparently, the written request and my Aunt’s supposed request are not yet enough for the people.
Sec. Neri, the dear friend my uncle seeks to protect out of “respect”, is not even supporting him, which is all the more demoralizing, for lack of a better term, for me personally. My uncle’s in a position where he can no longer turn back, so afraid or not, he should carry on. He’s been broken down in Hong Kong. On the account of people who were with him, there were times when he answers his cellphone and then his eyes just suddenly turns red. We want to show him that we’re still behind him, but personally, I’m feeling disappointed and afraid that this might lead to nothing because they’re ganging up on him.
Invoking rights. Let me get it right: according to the bill of rights, one has the right to invoke his right against self-incrimination. By invoking this right, one may not be persecuted by evidence that is from him. When Sen. Miriam Santiago was questioning my uncle, he could have very well invoked this right so as he would not be persecuted on his admittance. He didn’t, because he wasn’t going to hide anything (well, apparently, anything that does not involve Sec. Neri) from the public. Now, people from the government are filing a case against him because of his admittance of corruption. And you know why? Because “this government does not tolerate corruption.” Tell that to importers who continually pay people from customs so that they can go on with their business. Tell that to countless people who MMDA and traffic enforcers extort money from. Tell that to the general public. Tell that to the farmers who walked all the way from the province to air out their grievances to the government. And if they all say that statement is a fact, then I will concede that the President is in fact our savior, and no other person is fit to be in that position of power than her.
Funding. I could tell you this much: a couple of my cousins and I are discussing this situation, and we concede that if it were up to us, we would just shut up given the right amount, amounts that would make us all set until at least the next generation. I will not be a hypocrite who will say that I am an all-righteous person. I just want to live a quiet, simple life. That’s why I’ve been holding off law school even to this date. By doing all these, we’re being put at the very top of the most wanted list of the Leprechaun’s private army. It’s a tough company to go against. She has allies in all major departments of the country and she is the well-loved commander-in-chief of the military leaders. Accepting an amount is the easiest way to get out of this mess. But after my uncle’s testimony, how else can you retract after going this deep into it?
My uncle is doing this for the country, in honor of that great man who produced excellent people, my grandfather, Rodolfo Sr., or “Upoy” for the locals in Ligao, Albay. This country, as my uncle claimed, has done so much for our family. What he is doing now is the least he can do to repay this for this country and honor his father. I am just afraid that he may be “just another witness” to the very same people who he is trying to protect. To dispel the possibility of funding from the other side, I will wholeheartedly say that he is not motivated or funded by anyone from the opposition. To tell you frankly, my uncle’s not that poor to be bought at some price (unlike me and my cousins). While he was in Hong Kong, he was telling my father that he doesn’t want to talk to Sen. Lacson anymore because it seems that he is using him for his political ambitions in 2010. He wanted his family to be the ones who would fetch him from the airport because he doesn’t want to be linked to any opposition senator, as it might give the wrong impression.
Personal knowledge is all we have. Should there be any actual evidence, I personally would not know of it. However, I can attest that everything he said in the senate about his involvement in the ZTE deal is true due to the fact that it is the same story we’ve heard countless times before. And that is all we have. That is the only stone that we could throw at the Goliath we are going up against. I implore you people, please make your voices heard. Please pass this on. Let more people know so that they will not be confined to what they hear or see on the different media that present news. Our involvement in this mess won’t make us rich. It won’t make my uncle the president of this country. National recognition may be inevitable, but what more can it give you than celebrity status, and how in the hell can it improve his lifestyle? We gain nothing big from this mess. So please, help this David out and spread the truth before Goliath completely annihilates him and make him just another page in their book of lies.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
stay awake and fret
i was talking to my friend the other day telling her that i couldn't remember the last time that i cried. i am honestly not the type of person who likes to show her feelings or be malambing to others. i grew up keeping everything to myself, be it my problems or my worries. i was afraid that if i try to ask other people to listen to me, they wouldn't understand me or worse, show no affection towards me. thus i am used to keeping it all inside until i can no longer control myself that i end up breaking down. but again, i try not to let others see how vulnerable i get sometimes.
***
today i cried so hard. everything seemed so perfect these past few days. lazy mondays and eventful thursdays and fridays, and yet by the end of the week, i felt so tired and heavy. i thought everything was fine, but later on realized it wasn't. i grew homesick. i was alone and felt no one was there to listen. i thought i was strong, that i don't miss home, but silly me, i miss it badly. i made a wrong decision of choosing to stay here.
other than that, i really felt so alone today. i used to tell my friends that spending time alone is one of the most wonderful things i ever discovered. but on days like this one, i hate that i am alone. i feel so helpless with nobody to talk to. everything else started to fall apart. i started to worry about everything, about family, friends and myself.
***
i worry about everything.
***
today i cried so hard. everything seemed so perfect these past few days. lazy mondays and eventful thursdays and fridays, and yet by the end of the week, i felt so tired and heavy. i thought everything was fine, but later on realized it wasn't. i grew homesick. i was alone and felt no one was there to listen. i thought i was strong, that i don't miss home, but silly me, i miss it badly. i made a wrong decision of choosing to stay here.
other than that, i really felt so alone today. i used to tell my friends that spending time alone is one of the most wonderful things i ever discovered. but on days like this one, i hate that i am alone. i feel so helpless with nobody to talk to. everything else started to fall apart. i started to worry about everything, about family, friends and myself.
***
i worry about everything.
Friday, February 15, 2008
pure block Y love
sometimes, things are better said in pictures than in words...
SAGALA NG MGA SIKAT >>> Mga Bayani ng Batas Militar ang Pinakasikat! 8 February 2008
SAGALA NG MGA SIKAT >>> Mga Bayani ng Batas Militar ang Pinakasikat! 8 February 2008
DIVE and TREK with block Y last 9 February 2008.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
mianmar
today is february 14, valentine's day or for most of us, it's single awareness day (SAD). :)) i honestly do not have the dulce to write about bitterness, romance and love. discretion is all that i ask. and again, i was misinterpreted. good job. :(
today, my guy blockmates surprised all the girls with personal cards placed on our desks. serenading us with some cheesy valentine song, the guys entered the room and gave us roses and a valentine cake. this kind of love is not love between a boy and a girl, but a love shared within a group. we may not like each other the way couples do, but i believe that the love we have within the group is something more special than that. my personal card says "your ow country: MIAnmar." =)) =)) so it may not exactly be the sweetest line a guy ever told me, but still, it was flattering to receive personalized cards. kulang na lang harana, and my v-day would have been one of the most memorable.
there are days when i envied girls carrying large bouquets in their hands while their boyfriends hold their bags for them. i wonder if i lacked something that these girls had. i know flowers or chocolates mean nothing in the end, but no girl would not want to receive flowers from men, especially from those who mean so much to these girls. i want to be that girl who receives special gifts which then make her feel special as well.
happy valentine's day everyone. we may not have the unrequitted love we all dreamt of for today, but come to think of it, why do people have to wait for this day just to show people how much they love them or in my case, how people can't seem to move on and let go of the past.
so here's to love and discretion. :D
today, my guy blockmates surprised all the girls with personal cards placed on our desks. serenading us with some cheesy valentine song, the guys entered the room and gave us roses and a valentine cake. this kind of love is not love between a boy and a girl, but a love shared within a group. we may not like each other the way couples do, but i believe that the love we have within the group is something more special than that. my personal card says "your ow country: MIAnmar." =)) =)) so it may not exactly be the sweetest line a guy ever told me, but still, it was flattering to receive personalized cards. kulang na lang harana, and my v-day would have been one of the most memorable.
there are days when i envied girls carrying large bouquets in their hands while their boyfriends hold their bags for them. i wonder if i lacked something that these girls had. i know flowers or chocolates mean nothing in the end, but no girl would not want to receive flowers from men, especially from those who mean so much to these girls. i want to be that girl who receives special gifts which then make her feel special as well.
happy valentine's day everyone. we may not have the unrequitted love we all dreamt of for today, but come to think of it, why do people have to wait for this day just to show people how much they love them or in my case, how people can't seem to move on and let go of the past.
so here's to love and discretion. :D
Friday, February 08, 2008
pinakasikat at pinakamasaya
TODAY IS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE. And so I thank...
Block Y/MM. I realized just now how much you guys mean to me. College wouldn't be this fun if it weren't for you. I heart you all! >:D<
Sir Marx Lopez. Despite of your leaving us a week from now, you never failed to show us your full support. We're so happy that even before you leave, winning the sagala ng sikat is considered one of your greatest moments. We'll miss you.
And lastly, GOD. Thank you Lord. It wouldn't have been the same if we didn't rely on You and kept the pressure all to ourselves. This trophy is offered to You, because it was You who helped us from the beginning. You rock. :D
and the happy days continue tomorrow. Dive and Trek na! wooooo.
Block Y/MM. I realized just now how much you guys mean to me. College wouldn't be this fun if it weren't for you. I heart you all! >:D<
Sir Marx Lopez. Despite of your leaving us a week from now, you never failed to show us your full support. We're so happy that even before you leave, winning the sagala ng sikat is considered one of your greatest moments. We'll miss you.
And lastly, GOD. Thank you Lord. It wouldn't have been the same if we didn't rely on You and kept the pressure all to ourselves. This trophy is offered to You, because it was You who helped us from the beginning. You rock. :D
and the happy days continue tomorrow. Dive and Trek na! wooooo.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
boo zoo
this day sucks so much. if it weren't for the after-test events, McDo pig-out and YM chats, i probably would have broken down and cried.
i spent almost two days and three nights studying for the second long test in zoology, and yet i end up clueless the moment i saw the questionairre. i missed 15 questions out of the 80 item exam. :( what could be worse than that? i don't want to fail zoology! i don't want to get a D or a C in my class card. and most of all, i want to be in the DL this sem. but noooo, stupid and evil zoology can easily put me down.
nonetheless, i still have the rest of the day. after the exam, we headed to joyce's home in LGV to start on the float for the Sagala ng mga Sikat which will btw start tomorrow at 430 so please come and see our float! :D anway, we spent almost 4 hours gossiping and eating that we ended up doing almost nothing. it was fun though, and a good destresser from zoology.
i am alone tonight. my roommate's off somewhere, no idea where. so i decided to pig out on happy food. McDonald's, yay! McFlurry Buko Pandan is <3 super yummy with nata de coco tidbits.
but the best part of the night is the after dinner chatting. since i do not have any homework to do excpet for packing my things for the Dive and Trek trip, i was freeeee. feeling a bit depressed still, i wrote in my stat message bar, "tonight i am sad." and people were just so comforting that they started messaging me telling me if i was doing okay or what. they even tried sending pictures of some guy they thought i had a crush on. plus some pampakilig moves also from random friends. yikeee. anyway, it was all good. thank you for comforting me. >:D<
so, if you're going diving and trekking, what are the things you should bring?
i spent almost two days and three nights studying for the second long test in zoology, and yet i end up clueless the moment i saw the questionairre. i missed 15 questions out of the 80 item exam. :( what could be worse than that? i don't want to fail zoology! i don't want to get a D or a C in my class card. and most of all, i want to be in the DL this sem. but noooo, stupid and evil zoology can easily put me down.
nonetheless, i still have the rest of the day. after the exam, we headed to joyce's home in LGV to start on the float for the Sagala ng mga Sikat which will btw start tomorrow at 430 so please come and see our float! :D anway, we spent almost 4 hours gossiping and eating that we ended up doing almost nothing. it was fun though, and a good destresser from zoology.
i am alone tonight. my roommate's off somewhere, no idea where. so i decided to pig out on happy food. McDonald's, yay! McFlurry Buko Pandan is <3 super yummy with nata de coco tidbits.
but the best part of the night is the after dinner chatting. since i do not have any homework to do excpet for packing my things for the Dive and Trek trip, i was freeeee. feeling a bit depressed still, i wrote in my stat message bar, "tonight i am sad." and people were just so comforting that they started messaging me telling me if i was doing okay or what. they even tried sending pictures of some guy they thought i had a crush on. plus some pampakilig moves also from random friends. yikeee. anyway, it was all good. thank you for comforting me. >:D<
so, if you're going diving and trekking, what are the things you should bring?
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