this sucks.
i waited for so long to get home, and when i finally did, i just want to go back to QC again. for two weeks, i have been craving to go home to batangas to spend my long weekend with lots of shopping, relaxation and my own favorite food, but what do i get? 3 and 1/2 hours of traffic, heavy rains and a rumbling tummy. well, that's pretty much tolreable. what i hate about this whole going back home idea is not even getting the feeling that i was missed. :(
if i were in qc, i wouldn't have to worry about not finishing my lab report or studying for my math long test and midterms. they should feel lucky since i sacrificed my time to do my lab report and to study for math just to go home and be with them, only to realize that they are not appreciative at all. this is so sad. i wanna go back to qc and study(?).
Friday, August 17, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
forgotten birthday
disclaimer: this entry is sooo corny.
instead of doing my tons of homework, i'm here in front of the computer blogging. i still have to finish my lab report, study for my long test, read all my subject readings and start writing my critical paper. actually, that's not all, but if i go on enumerating them i might as well name this entry, "my things to do", but that's not my purpose for writing. duh?
my two older posts, i figured contained the same idea, my complaints. they were full of the things i hate, things i miss, things i can't do. i was too busy complaining in my posts that i forgot that my blog's first birthday has passed without me knowing it. i checked out my very first entry; it was on the 28th of july. two days after my bloggie's birthday, i was ranting on my post. it's so weird that a year has gone by and i felt my writings have gone totally different.
i made this blog during our computer class. the lesson was so boring and i couldn't even understand what our teacher was saying. luckily, i was seated at the back. it gave me the chance to surf unnoticed. my friend told me about her blog and tried to persuade me to make my own. so with nothing to do, she helped me make one. the first entry was so sabog. i did it just to test if it works. soon, i learned to personalize it, getting my own template, writing my wish list, and stuff like that.
my blog became my outlet for letting out whatever emotion i can't release in action. all my anger, sadness, disappointment, and bitterness were poured out in my blog. even issues on school, family, love were there. my blog was my own personal witness. my whole senior year in high school was written there.
but as i look back, as soon as i graduated, my fondness on blogging also had gone. i don't update as much as i'm supposed to. it takes months or weeks to even check if anyone replied to my post. and sadly, even if i were to update, my entry would only contain negative emotions i have. i hate the way i have turned this blog into. i didn't mature throughout the year, but rather have become more of a whiner.
so anyway, belated happy birthday to my blog. more to come.
***i'm so sentimental. ack.***
instead of doing my tons of homework, i'm here in front of the computer blogging. i still have to finish my lab report, study for my long test, read all my subject readings and start writing my critical paper. actually, that's not all, but if i go on enumerating them i might as well name this entry, "my things to do", but that's not my purpose for writing. duh?
my two older posts, i figured contained the same idea, my complaints. they were full of the things i hate, things i miss, things i can't do. i was too busy complaining in my posts that i forgot that my blog's first birthday has passed without me knowing it. i checked out my very first entry; it was on the 28th of july. two days after my bloggie's birthday, i was ranting on my post. it's so weird that a year has gone by and i felt my writings have gone totally different.
i made this blog during our computer class. the lesson was so boring and i couldn't even understand what our teacher was saying. luckily, i was seated at the back. it gave me the chance to surf unnoticed. my friend told me about her blog and tried to persuade me to make my own. so with nothing to do, she helped me make one. the first entry was so sabog. i did it just to test if it works. soon, i learned to personalize it, getting my own template, writing my wish list, and stuff like that.
my blog became my outlet for letting out whatever emotion i can't release in action. all my anger, sadness, disappointment, and bitterness were poured out in my blog. even issues on school, family, love were there. my blog was my own personal witness. my whole senior year in high school was written there.
but as i look back, as soon as i graduated, my fondness on blogging also had gone. i don't update as much as i'm supposed to. it takes months or weeks to even check if anyone replied to my post. and sadly, even if i were to update, my entry would only contain negative emotions i have. i hate the way i have turned this blog into. i didn't mature throughout the year, but rather have become more of a whiner.
so anyway, belated happy birthday to my blog. more to come.
***i'm so sentimental. ack.***
Monday, July 30, 2007
hold that thought
the last time i blogged i was so depressed. i ranted on how much pressure i'm giving myself for not giving my best. weeks have passed and somehow, i feel better, more relieved, but still, i feel there's something missing.
my grades are still not as good as they were during high school. my body clock is still not stable. i wake up at unholy hours for reasons i don't know. my body aches with the load i carry everyday. i experience headaches almost every night that i end up crying alone because of the pain. i stay up late studying or doing assignments, but still end up unsatisfied with what i have finished. i could state endless complaints with the way my life goes now. a lot has changed. and i cant stop comparing how my life was during high school and how it is now. culture shock? if it were, how come i enjoy it?
no matter how difficult life may be, i also can't find reasons not to enjoy everything laid out to me. i love the long walks to school. i love eating at mcdo for no special reason. i love staying here during weekends studying or simply lying around. i love going to places with my blockmates. i love the rush of screaming for our basketball team live!
in spite of the balance between the pros and cons, something is still lacking. home. i miss my room so much. the two days i spend at home every two weeks aren't enough to fill my homesickness. i like to stay at katipunan during weekends because i get tired of commuting for more than 4 hours before i reach home and because i don't get to study for my lessons when i'm home in batangas. but being home also means pampering myself and going to the mall without having to spend my own money. it has been an endless dilemma of going home or not.
my friend mara sent me a message saying "Life isn't about being fair, it's about surpassing the unfair reality." life always gives us two choices and no matter what choice we pick, life always gives us consequences. we just have to face the unfair reality of living up to it.
my grades are still not as good as they were during high school. my body clock is still not stable. i wake up at unholy hours for reasons i don't know. my body aches with the load i carry everyday. i experience headaches almost every night that i end up crying alone because of the pain. i stay up late studying or doing assignments, but still end up unsatisfied with what i have finished. i could state endless complaints with the way my life goes now. a lot has changed. and i cant stop comparing how my life was during high school and how it is now. culture shock? if it were, how come i enjoy it?
no matter how difficult life may be, i also can't find reasons not to enjoy everything laid out to me. i love the long walks to school. i love eating at mcdo for no special reason. i love staying here during weekends studying or simply lying around. i love going to places with my blockmates. i love the rush of screaming for our basketball team live!
in spite of the balance between the pros and cons, something is still lacking. home. i miss my room so much. the two days i spend at home every two weeks aren't enough to fill my homesickness. i like to stay at katipunan during weekends because i get tired of commuting for more than 4 hours before i reach home and because i don't get to study for my lessons when i'm home in batangas. but being home also means pampering myself and going to the mall without having to spend my own money. it has been an endless dilemma of going home or not.
my friend mara sent me a message saying "Life isn't about being fair, it's about surpassing the unfair reality." life always gives us two choices and no matter what choice we pick, life always gives us consequences. we just have to face the unfair reality of living up to it.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
lemons so sour
it's been almost a month since i last updated my blog. for the past weeks, i've been too busy focusing on my studies, hardly having any fun. college is slowly turning hell-ish as the days past. and still, for all the efforts i have done to catch up with my subjects and to get good grades, i still can't achieve the A i'm longing since the first day of school. my efforts are not enough. now im left doubtful, probably i am not good enough to stay here. the more load i get everyday, the more i doubt my capabilities and strengths.
last year, i have discovered my love for writing. i loved the rush of being given a topic to write about, to brainstorm my thoughts and to accomplish an essay. during then, i was so sure that i can be a writer. because of this i was inspired to continue writing even until college. i joined a magazine. i am not so sure if hell work or it was just me that kept myself from completing the requirements needed. it was only a week after the deadline was i able to pass my forms, half baked and rushed. my heart was not into the magazine. there was no excitement felt when i joined. i didnt feel any rush when i gathered the beat for my news article. instead, i felt it was some sort of obligation i just have to do. writing had been an obligation i would avoid as much as i can.
C+ was the highest score i got for an essay i wrote with my whole heart. it was the only grade i can have for a work i have stayed up late for, for an essay i have poured my emotions on. and somehow, i felt still not good enough. when is enough enough? how can one measure his goodness on something? are mind and heart not sufficient to succeed?
yesterday, while i was walking home from the Psyche GA and the failed Katipunan GA, my first year in high school flashbacked before me. similar to this year, i was not able to join any publication then. i was too focused on my academics and had forgotten my dream to write. i had to wait for three years before i can finally join bulik. i do not want to make the same mistake. i want to write with love. i don't want to stop writing. i want to continue the passion i once loved.
though my efforts are still not adequate, i will continue to strive. so what if i only get a C+, i will do better. so what if i would get heavier load once i become an official member of the magazine, i have been there, done that.
the lemons have grown bigger and more sour. so what?
last year, i have discovered my love for writing. i loved the rush of being given a topic to write about, to brainstorm my thoughts and to accomplish an essay. during then, i was so sure that i can be a writer. because of this i was inspired to continue writing even until college. i joined a magazine. i am not so sure if hell work or it was just me that kept myself from completing the requirements needed. it was only a week after the deadline was i able to pass my forms, half baked and rushed. my heart was not into the magazine. there was no excitement felt when i joined. i didnt feel any rush when i gathered the beat for my news article. instead, i felt it was some sort of obligation i just have to do. writing had been an obligation i would avoid as much as i can.
C+ was the highest score i got for an essay i wrote with my whole heart. it was the only grade i can have for a work i have stayed up late for, for an essay i have poured my emotions on. and somehow, i felt still not good enough. when is enough enough? how can one measure his goodness on something? are mind and heart not sufficient to succeed?
yesterday, while i was walking home from the Psyche GA and the failed Katipunan GA, my first year in high school flashbacked before me. similar to this year, i was not able to join any publication then. i was too focused on my academics and had forgotten my dream to write. i had to wait for three years before i can finally join bulik. i do not want to make the same mistake. i want to write with love. i don't want to stop writing. i want to continue the passion i once loved.
though my efforts are still not adequate, i will continue to strive. so what if i only get a C+, i will do better. so what if i would get heavier load once i become an official member of the magazine, i have been there, done that.
the lemons have grown bigger and more sour. so what?
Friday, June 15, 2007
getting there and going back
after a week of budgeting, power walking, losing web and tv connection and of course, living the college life, i'm home! other than that, i even managed to commute home. after almost three aching hours, i finally reached home.
the first week was both fun and dreadful.starting flashback
first day. i woke up very early at around 5am (my class starts at 8:30 am). it almost felt like high school, with all the first day of school jitters. well, not entirely like high school since i already know who my blockmates were. Go block Y! i ended waiting for an hour before i can go to school. i walked for about 10 minutes in order to get there.
our first class was math. our over excited and oversweating math prof started to discuss exponents on our first day! whatever happened to hi-my-name-is-blah-blah-and-i-expect-this-subject-to-be part? he was so excited he started lecture.
next was english 11. well, it wasn't as boring as math, although i didn't enjoy it much since i was with a whole different block. but mind you, there were a lot of eye candies in my En 11 block. hooray.
after english was lit. same classroom, same blockmates. it was quite funny to see our lit teacher walk to the room wearing shades and looking like the vocalist of the band cueshe. he was really a carbon copy, with the hair and the "healthiness".
lunch break! i love breaks, we were given two hour lunches which were good since we can go out to katips to eat. block y decided to have block lunch at kfc, so to kfc we walked.
fil was up next. much to our surprise, we were given a diagnostic exam. worse, our whole block thinks we could all possibly go back to basic fil. boo-hoo. stupid 45 minute test.
last subject of the day-pe! i was excited about modern jazz. much to my dismay, i realized i was not going to take up modern jazz, but, guess what, intermediate hip hop. panic mode. hip hop as in with all the bling, baggy pants, etc. hip hop's cool to watch, but i definitely can't see myself dancing in that tune. just have to stick to it for the whole sem and hip hop my way to passing. hahaha.
the last two days were pretty much the same as the first day, so let me just cut the story short.
i have missed home, a lot actually. i have regained the comfort i've longed missed. but after two days, i will again venture to another week of college. but for now, my only problem is how to go back to qc.
the first week was both fun and dreadful.starting flashback
first day. i woke up very early at around 5am (my class starts at 8:30 am). it almost felt like high school, with all the first day of school jitters. well, not entirely like high school since i already know who my blockmates were. Go block Y! i ended waiting for an hour before i can go to school. i walked for about 10 minutes in order to get there.
our first class was math. our over excited and oversweating math prof started to discuss exponents on our first day! whatever happened to hi-my-name-is-blah-blah-and-i-expect-this-subject-to-be part? he was so excited he started lecture.
next was english 11. well, it wasn't as boring as math, although i didn't enjoy it much since i was with a whole different block. but mind you, there were a lot of eye candies in my En 11 block. hooray.
after english was lit. same classroom, same blockmates. it was quite funny to see our lit teacher walk to the room wearing shades and looking like the vocalist of the band cueshe. he was really a carbon copy, with the hair and the "healthiness".
lunch break! i love breaks, we were given two hour lunches which were good since we can go out to katips to eat. block y decided to have block lunch at kfc, so to kfc we walked.
fil was up next. much to our surprise, we were given a diagnostic exam. worse, our whole block thinks we could all possibly go back to basic fil. boo-hoo. stupid 45 minute test.
last subject of the day-pe! i was excited about modern jazz. much to my dismay, i realized i was not going to take up modern jazz, but, guess what, intermediate hip hop. panic mode. hip hop as in with all the bling, baggy pants, etc. hip hop's cool to watch, but i definitely can't see myself dancing in that tune. just have to stick to it for the whole sem and hip hop my way to passing. hahaha.
the last two days were pretty much the same as the first day, so let me just cut the story short.
i have missed home, a lot actually. i have regained the comfort i've longed missed. but after two days, i will again venture to another week of college. but for now, my only problem is how to go back to qc.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
forgive me but hey, it's my birthday :D
let's sing the happy birthday song!
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday, happy birthday
happy birthday to you!
i actually had a hard time remembering the lyrics. scared i might get the lyrics wrong.
anyway, so happy birthday! to the most sweet, kind, thoughtful, helpful and generous girl i know. oh gawd, i'm totally admiring myself here. also to the most indecisive, lazy, OC, maarte and spendthrift girl i also know. is that me?
happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday, happy birthday
happy birthday to you!
i actually had a hard time remembering the lyrics. scared i might get the lyrics wrong.
anyway, so happy birthday! to the most sweet, kind, thoughtful, helpful and generous girl i know. oh gawd, i'm totally admiring myself here. also to the most indecisive, lazy, OC, maarte and spendthrift girl i also know. is that me?
Monday, May 28, 2007
so long sweet summer
the rain has come. the pre-opening of classes frenzy has started. people have started to 'pile up' at our store. i have bought neew notebooks and bags and clothes and shoes. my summer's over.
i found myself shocked to find out that next week, i'll be moving to quezon city. in a week, i will be opening a new chapter of my life, a very big and crucial one. and i haven't started packing my bags yet.
last night, while i was rummaging around my closet, i couldn't help but get scared by the fact that i'll be wearing casual clothes for four years, and might end up with nothing to wear. it's like i don't have enough clothes. but it's not really the clothes that bother me, i'm more scared of the new phase i'm entering really soon. i'm not used to going to school walking for about 10 minutes to get there, or nor with wearing casual clothes, or waking up early just to use the bathroom earlier than my 7 other apartment-mates, or going to school without having a hearty breakfast, or being around really smart people (i heard from a friend that bs psych people are the brainy bunch, last year's no. 1 was from this course), and i think i don't have an edge against them. i mean, what could i possibly have that they don't? moreover, being with my [sibs] scares the living daylight out of me! new school. new class. new friends. everything has to be new. it took me four years to figure out who my real friends were, i can't do it all over again?
adjusting is one thing, but living in it is another issue. yes, probably i can adjust to this new life since i really don't have any choice, but choosing to live this life i'm entering is something that doesn't take me just a few days. i have to live a different lifestyle, and by that i meant stepping out my comfort zone. there wouldn't be a mom or a dad who could buy me anything anytime. i have to really use my allowance wisely. there also wouldn't be any ate beth who prepares my rice meal breakfast. i have to choose between manang's canteen or pandesal from pan de manila or a grumbling stomach. breakfast at fast food chains are too sinful. and breakfast food like conred beef and luncheon meat might as well be considered dinner for me. als,o no more starbucks since a frappucino is equivalent to a day's meal already. so to me, adjusting + tightening one's belt = living it. as i picture it now, it seems so difficult on how i could possibly survive, but then again, if my brother has managed, why can't i? all it takes i some roughing it and a whole lot of canned goods, instant noodles, pandesal and a bunch of self-assurance.
so it's so long sweet summer, and hello nerve-wracking college.
*i'm currently wasting my time on this game called weffriddles. it's actually quite addicting. after three days, im still stuck at level 17. try it and get addicted too. ;p*
i found myself shocked to find out that next week, i'll be moving to quezon city. in a week, i will be opening a new chapter of my life, a very big and crucial one. and i haven't started packing my bags yet.
last night, while i was rummaging around my closet, i couldn't help but get scared by the fact that i'll be wearing casual clothes for four years, and might end up with nothing to wear. it's like i don't have enough clothes. but it's not really the clothes that bother me, i'm more scared of the new phase i'm entering really soon. i'm not used to going to school walking for about 10 minutes to get there, or nor with wearing casual clothes, or waking up early just to use the bathroom earlier than my 7 other apartment-mates, or going to school without having a hearty breakfast, or being around really smart people (i heard from a friend that bs psych people are the brainy bunch, last year's no. 1 was from this course), and i think i don't have an edge against them. i mean, what could i possibly have that they don't? moreover, being with my [sibs] scares the living daylight out of me! new school. new class. new friends. everything has to be new. it took me four years to figure out who my real friends were, i can't do it all over again?
adjusting is one thing, but living in it is another issue. yes, probably i can adjust to this new life since i really don't have any choice, but choosing to live this life i'm entering is something that doesn't take me just a few days. i have to live a different lifestyle, and by that i meant stepping out my comfort zone. there wouldn't be a mom or a dad who could buy me anything anytime. i have to really use my allowance wisely. there also wouldn't be any ate beth who prepares my rice meal breakfast. i have to choose between manang's canteen or pandesal from pan de manila or a grumbling stomach. breakfast at fast food chains are too sinful. and breakfast food like conred beef and luncheon meat might as well be considered dinner for me. als,o no more starbucks since a frappucino is equivalent to a day's meal already. so to me, adjusting + tightening one's belt = living it. as i picture it now, it seems so difficult on how i could possibly survive, but then again, if my brother has managed, why can't i? all it takes i some roughing it and a whole lot of canned goods, instant noodles, pandesal and a bunch of self-assurance.
so it's so long sweet summer, and hello nerve-wracking college.
*i'm currently wasting my time on this game called weffriddles. it's actually quite addicting. after three days, im still stuck at level 17. try it and get addicted too. ;p*
Monday, May 21, 2007
painted my nails green
after two weeks of hibernation, im back again. (how many have i said this?) i'm just not having the dulce to write anything sensible lately, just a lot of rants, chessiness or plain senseless. (this post leads to another nothing-to-say-just-for-the-sake-of-updating entry)
summer is about two things: fun and change. and im happy to say that i have actually accomplished both, even before so long sweet summer.
F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for yoU and me, N is aNywhere and anytime at all. huh? oops, so i haven't had enough fun yet. i'm guilty of not having some bonding time with my friends, even for a single day. for some reason, i missed our barkada kitakits. and now that summer's almost over, i still haven't seen them.
there's no U and me. just the selfish me all summer. no summer fling or whatsoever (not that i'm eyeing for one, just following the song). but at least i got N done. anywhere and anytime. after more than 10 summers, this is my first time to hit the beach again. i forgot how amusing the sand and water were. live it, hong kong! so i went there mainly for shopping. i did get i wanted plus loads! it was quite fun, actually. i thought it would be boring going somewhere you've been before.
that's what i consider fun. har-di-har.
since i didn't do well on fun, i better make it up on change. and im telling you, there had been a lot of changes.
hello, nigger?! after almost two weeks of swimming under the 10:00 am sun, i'm now as black as ever. goodbye to my feeling mestiza days. and what's worse is that i actually have goggle marks on myy face. it's really obvious. see it for yourself. anyway, it's a fun new change, and besides i enjoyed swimming. which leads me to another change. after my basic swimming lessons 5 years ago, i decided to take up advanced lessons. reason for the looong delay? i got aquaphobic. flashback: i almost drowned after trying to dive, thanks to that boy and his swimming trunks, i survived. haha. and now, i have overcome that fear, on that same swimming pool without the little boy anymore. i have learned the art of threading (is that how you spell it?). and one last change, i painted my nails green! just wanted some color so why not try green? haha.
i wanted to somehow to renew myself and try things i do not usually do or have never done before.
summer is about two things: fun and change. and im happy to say that i have actually accomplished both, even before so long sweet summer.
F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for yoU and me, N is aNywhere and anytime at all. huh? oops, so i haven't had enough fun yet. i'm guilty of not having some bonding time with my friends, even for a single day. for some reason, i missed our barkada kitakits. and now that summer's almost over, i still haven't seen them.
there's no U and me. just the selfish me all summer. no summer fling or whatsoever (not that i'm eyeing for one, just following the song). but at least i got N done. anywhere and anytime. after more than 10 summers, this is my first time to hit the beach again. i forgot how amusing the sand and water were. live it, hong kong! so i went there mainly for shopping. i did get i wanted plus loads! it was quite fun, actually. i thought it would be boring going somewhere you've been before.
that's what i consider fun. har-di-har.
since i didn't do well on fun, i better make it up on change. and im telling you, there had been a lot of changes.
hello, nigger?! after almost two weeks of swimming under the 10:00 am sun, i'm now as black as ever. goodbye to my feeling mestiza days. and what's worse is that i actually have goggle marks on myy face. it's really obvious. see it for yourself. anyway, it's a fun new change, and besides i enjoyed swimming. which leads me to another change. after my basic swimming lessons 5 years ago, i decided to take up advanced lessons. reason for the looong delay? i got aquaphobic. flashback: i almost drowned after trying to dive, thanks to that boy and his swimming trunks, i survived. haha. and now, i have overcome that fear, on that same swimming pool without the little boy anymore. i have learned the art of threading (is that how you spell it?). and one last change, i painted my nails green! just wanted some color so why not try green? haha.
i wanted to somehow to renew myself and try things i do not usually do or have never done before.
Friday, May 04, 2007
what gives you a rush?
my love for psychology and for medicine just got stronger these past few weeks because of two reasons.
House
after buying the dvd months ago, i've only started watching the series late april. i kind of got bored by the thought that House might not include the mushy stuff and the kilig factor i had while watching oth. i got intimidated by the thought i might not understand what the story is all about, more so get bored and end up falling asleep in the middle. but Dr. House and the rest of his team proved me wrong. it is quite addicting, nearly as addictive as one tree hill or veronica mars. i love the thrill of thinking what he's gonna do next or how he's gonna solve the case or what rare disease he's going to diagnose his patient. i love the passion House has for his job. i've learned to accept his "belief" that everybody lies. It's a simple thought but always proven true. I liked it when the doctors interact with their patients and how they face their dilemmas. this is the job i want. i want to be a doctor. i would love to have mind boggling cases given to me. i would love not to sleep well at night thinking about how am i supposed to get through the next day. i don't care if i don't understand their jargons yet, but i know i will... soon. :)
My biggest fan
this part had to be accidentally on puprose revised for safety purposes. so let me just give you some of the lessons learned throughout the whole pre-college experience.
not everyone can agree with you. others could force you to take up something you don't like only because that course offers you a more sure future or because it fits your capacity. but do remember, your choice will always be the right one. knono matter how stupid it is or how long it took you to decide, it's still your own. no brainwashing, no doubts, no whatsoever. it should be YOU plainly.so what if it takes you months to agree on something. school, course, dorm, dormmate, uniform or no uniform. or at least these are the problems i had during those times. it's just normal for fickle minded freshies to be.
psychology gives me a rush.
medicine gives me a rush.
wearing a clean white coat gives me a rush.
making a difference in a patient's life gives me a rush.
House
after buying the dvd months ago, i've only started watching the series late april. i kind of got bored by the thought that House might not include the mushy stuff and the kilig factor i had while watching oth. i got intimidated by the thought i might not understand what the story is all about, more so get bored and end up falling asleep in the middle. but Dr. House and the rest of his team proved me wrong. it is quite addicting, nearly as addictive as one tree hill or veronica mars. i love the thrill of thinking what he's gonna do next or how he's gonna solve the case or what rare disease he's going to diagnose his patient. i love the passion House has for his job. i've learned to accept his "belief" that everybody lies. It's a simple thought but always proven true. I liked it when the doctors interact with their patients and how they face their dilemmas. this is the job i want. i want to be a doctor. i would love to have mind boggling cases given to me. i would love not to sleep well at night thinking about how am i supposed to get through the next day. i don't care if i don't understand their jargons yet, but i know i will... soon. :)
My biggest fan
this part had to be accidentally on puprose revised for safety purposes. so let me just give you some of the lessons learned throughout the whole pre-college experience.
not everyone can agree with you. others could force you to take up something you don't like only because that course offers you a more sure future or because it fits your capacity. but do remember, your choice will always be the right one. knono matter how stupid it is or how long it took you to decide, it's still your own. no brainwashing, no doubts, no whatsoever. it should be YOU plainly.so what if it takes you months to agree on something. school, course, dorm, dormmate, uniform or no uniform. or at least these are the problems i had during those times. it's just normal for fickle minded freshies to be.
psychology gives me a rush.
medicine gives me a rush.
wearing a clean white coat gives me a rush.
making a difference in a patient's life gives me a rush.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
playback
last night while i was bonding with Niyati, my green ipod, (read: soundtripping), i came by five songs, most of which were extremely cheesy and certified senti mode tracks.
dreaming of a broken heart
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once, you have to say goodbye
Wondering
this john mayer song has been my favorite track ever since i had my ipod. everytime i hear it, i get sooo emotional. it reminds of things we just can't have, things no matter how much i try, i just can't have it. it's that simple. no reasons, no alibis to tell. it makes you want to remember how much your heart yet you can't do anything about it (i told you it's cheesy!). you can do nothing about it yet still don't want to give up, you go on hurting yourself and continue doing nothing but love. five stars for john mayer. and zero stars for my cheesy-ness.
i'd still say yes
They say time can heal a broken heart
And true love never ends
So why not start where we begin
since it was already late and i was kind of getting really sleepy, i didn't immediately realize when or where i heard this song. but i knew in my head i know this song, and then i had a vision of joyce and with a guy. haha. it was during prom, during joyce and kit's moment. i couldn't help but get teary eyed remembering that memorable dance. the whole mystique masquerade relive itself with that song. my awful gown, my three-inches HIGH heels and of course, my own fleeting moment with *ehem*. haha. it wasn't the most romantic of all, i don't even remember seeing any sparks during that dance. so much for the i-thought-i-was-in-love drama. another cheesy one from yours truly.
butterfly kisses
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.
All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.
ok, so this may not be the perfect song for me yet. but i still got it anyway. i may not be tying th knot yet or anything, but what the heck, i was in a very senti mode that night. and guess what, i totally cried. haha. i kind of felt that i was really growing up and learning to fly on my own. i am becoming more independent and confident of myself. and as this goes on, i am loosening the thread that ties me to, not only my dad, but also to my mom. the years have gone by, and i realized i didn't cherish every passing minute of my life. i didn't spend much time with my parents as much as i'm supposed to be. but i hope, even though, i'm already flying, i can still look back and give them my sweetest butterfly kisses.
rainy days and mondays
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
yep, i caught the 70's or 80's bug. i am not so sure if the carpenters were famous around the 70's or 80's. haha. so this track isn't the most senti of all the senti's, but i just can't help but agree with the song. rainy days and mondays are indeed boring. nothing to do but frown. haha. rainy days, it's wet outside, meaning you can go out and get yourself wet by the rain or stay inside and bore yourself with nothingness. mondays, argh, they're the worst. if you're like the business people/student like me, you know how it feels. in our business, mondays most of the time predict the week's sales. and it's that day of the week when we have the most customers. and as for students, if you screw monday, you screw the whole week. it sucks, but it happens to me.
embers and envelopes
We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by.
I know you have sacrificed time,life, love, time to fly.
Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.
if 'dreaming of a broken heart' is my fave track, this one's my fave emo track, so i have two different favorites. haha. there's a big difference between the two. this song isn't so punk, kind of upbeat actually, but the band's emo. Mae has become one of my favorite emo bands, not so noisy, not so cheesy. nothing much about this song, i just love it. haha.
this is what i have been doing this summer, sound tripping, downloading songs, and more importantly, getting fatter by the day. i can't help it. i have constantly tried ways to control my weight, but almost everything fails. i just hope i could slash off that one wish before summer ends.
dreaming of a broken heart
When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with her crying eyes
Then all at once, you have to say goodbye
Wondering
this john mayer song has been my favorite track ever since i had my ipod. everytime i hear it, i get sooo emotional. it reminds of things we just can't have, things no matter how much i try, i just can't have it. it's that simple. no reasons, no alibis to tell. it makes you want to remember how much your heart yet you can't do anything about it (i told you it's cheesy!). you can do nothing about it yet still don't want to give up, you go on hurting yourself and continue doing nothing but love. five stars for john mayer. and zero stars for my cheesy-ness.
i'd still say yes
They say time can heal a broken heart
And true love never ends
So why not start where we begin
since it was already late and i was kind of getting really sleepy, i didn't immediately realize when or where i heard this song. but i knew in my head i know this song, and then i had a vision of joyce and with a guy. haha. it was during prom, during joyce and kit's moment. i couldn't help but get teary eyed remembering that memorable dance. the whole mystique masquerade relive itself with that song. my awful gown, my three-inches HIGH heels and of course, my own fleeting moment with *ehem*. haha. it wasn't the most romantic of all, i don't even remember seeing any sparks during that dance. so much for the i-thought-i-was-in-love drama. another cheesy one from yours truly.
butterfly kisses
With all that I've done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her love every morning
and butterfly kisses at night.
All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.
ok, so this may not be the perfect song for me yet. but i still got it anyway. i may not be tying th knot yet or anything, but what the heck, i was in a very senti mode that night. and guess what, i totally cried. haha. i kind of felt that i was really growing up and learning to fly on my own. i am becoming more independent and confident of myself. and as this goes on, i am loosening the thread that ties me to, not only my dad, but also to my mom. the years have gone by, and i realized i didn't cherish every passing minute of my life. i didn't spend much time with my parents as much as i'm supposed to be. but i hope, even though, i'm already flying, i can still look back and give them my sweetest butterfly kisses.
rainy days and mondays
Hangin' around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
yep, i caught the 70's or 80's bug. i am not so sure if the carpenters were famous around the 70's or 80's. haha. so this track isn't the most senti of all the senti's, but i just can't help but agree with the song. rainy days and mondays are indeed boring. nothing to do but frown. haha. rainy days, it's wet outside, meaning you can go out and get yourself wet by the rain or stay inside and bore yourself with nothingness. mondays, argh, they're the worst. if you're like the business people/student like me, you know how it feels. in our business, mondays most of the time predict the week's sales. and it's that day of the week when we have the most customers. and as for students, if you screw monday, you screw the whole week. it sucks, but it happens to me.
embers and envelopes
We write to apologize.
We ask to look past life as it goes by.
I know you have sacrificed time,life, love, time to fly.
Embers, we're burning bridges down.
Envelopes stuffed with feelings found.
To write this down as means to reconcile.
if 'dreaming of a broken heart' is my fave track, this one's my fave emo track, so i have two different favorites. haha. there's a big difference between the two. this song isn't so punk, kind of upbeat actually, but the band's emo. Mae has become one of my favorite emo bands, not so noisy, not so cheesy. nothing much about this song, i just love it. haha.
this is what i have been doing this summer, sound tripping, downloading songs, and more importantly, getting fatter by the day. i can't help it. i have constantly tried ways to control my weight, but almost everything fails. i just hope i could slash off that one wish before summer ends.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
driving away
It has been years since I last stepped on sandy beaches. The last time I enjoyed some sun and sand was when I was still a little fat girl. I didn’t have the chance to really enjoy some sand since we stayed in a balsa and I was busy ranting how much I hate salty and dirty water. I didn’t get to enjoy the water nor the summer sun.
Last Friday, Good Friday, when most people stayed at home or pray at the church or joined the procession, my family and I hit the beach. Honestly, I have grown up with the “tradition” of spending the Good Friday out somewhere, most of the time at places like resorts. So this time, we spent it in Laiya, San Juan. It was our first time to go there. About 40 kilometers from the city and after 4 km of literally rocky roads, we were welcomed by white sand beaches extending to about 15 km. Not only that, there were cottages very comparable to the ones seen in Bali, Indonesia. But great sites come with loads of tourists yearning for the beach after long days of work and stress. Like most of them, this was the only chance for our family to enjoy and have some quality time before the before-school madness comes.
We spent the day eating native foods, splashing in the swimming pool, building unsuccessful sand castles, enjoying the sun (with loads of sun screen of course), and collecting seashells by the shore. These were the things I didn’t think I would enjoy when we got there. So what if I my eyes hurt because of the sea water, or if I get my sun burnt, or if my feet were covered with sand, I don’t really care. I had so much fun I didn’t mind looking like a silly kid when she gets a lollipop. These are the simple joys which, seen from the eyes of a child, worth remembering forever.
I grew up not open to the tradition of staying at home during Good Friday’s, my family takes this chance to breathe out all the stress, all the tension. This is our day of tuning out from the world and focusing ourselves with each other. This was the first time I actually saw my father enjoy the sand and even the seashell searching. We don’t see things everyday, or at least I don’t. I consider Good Friday a very special day. I may not be able to focus myself on God or on my sins, but I guess I managed to focus myself on something as essential to God in my life, my own family.
Driving away, leaving it all behind... Mae (Summertime)
Last Friday, Good Friday, when most people stayed at home or pray at the church or joined the procession, my family and I hit the beach. Honestly, I have grown up with the “tradition” of spending the Good Friday out somewhere, most of the time at places like resorts. So this time, we spent it in Laiya, San Juan. It was our first time to go there. About 40 kilometers from the city and after 4 km of literally rocky roads, we were welcomed by white sand beaches extending to about 15 km. Not only that, there were cottages very comparable to the ones seen in Bali, Indonesia. But great sites come with loads of tourists yearning for the beach after long days of work and stress. Like most of them, this was the only chance for our family to enjoy and have some quality time before the before-school madness comes.
We spent the day eating native foods, splashing in the swimming pool, building unsuccessful sand castles, enjoying the sun (with loads of sun screen of course), and collecting seashells by the shore. These were the things I didn’t think I would enjoy when we got there. So what if I my eyes hurt because of the sea water, or if I get my sun burnt, or if my feet were covered with sand, I don’t really care. I had so much fun I didn’t mind looking like a silly kid when she gets a lollipop. These are the simple joys which, seen from the eyes of a child, worth remembering forever.
I grew up not open to the tradition of staying at home during Good Friday’s, my family takes this chance to breathe out all the stress, all the tension. This is our day of tuning out from the world and focusing ourselves with each other. This was the first time I actually saw my father enjoy the sand and even the seashell searching. We don’t see things everyday, or at least I don’t. I consider Good Friday a very special day. I may not be able to focus myself on God or on my sins, but I guess I managed to focus myself on something as essential to God in my life, my own family.
Driving away, leaving it all behind... Mae (Summertime)
Sunday, April 01, 2007
when it's hot and your dulce isn't around
i have ran out of dulce. i can no longer write quotations nor write an essay about it. everything i write now turns out to be crap. maybe it's because of the heat that makes me feel so sleepy every afternoon. summer indeed has come. no more school. no more waking up at 3am. no more cram nights. well, at least for the next two months.
i am really not so good with the nothing to do type of days. i'm not so relaxed as i thought i am. time seems to be very precious to me, that i tend to do things fast. like taking a shower plus getting dressed in 15-20 minutes. and im not even in a rush during those times. imagine me when i am in a hurry to get ready. 10 minutes? haha. i can eat in 5-7 minutes and still be full. maybe that's why i'm always fat. haha. and i walk really fast. ask my friends, but i really walk briskly. and i don't even notice that i am, i am naturally a fast walker as if i'm in such a hurry. funny, i know. there are things i realize only when they are noticed by others. i wouldn't know all these stuff if nobody told me about it. and now, i'm in fast froward mode again. i want summer to be over. i want to go to college already. i want to grow up. but the season doesn't want to agree with me. i hate the heat, i hate getting sun burnt. i hate having to work at our store, while other kids get to go out somewhere. i hate getting bored. i hate getting fat. and most of all, i hate being away from my friends. i hate being disconnected. boo hoo summer.
i told my dulce isn't around. i returned to my old senseless, too informal way of writing. if you happen to pass by my dulce, tell him/her to come back. i need a lot of him/her when college starts.
i am really not so good with the nothing to do type of days. i'm not so relaxed as i thought i am. time seems to be very precious to me, that i tend to do things fast. like taking a shower plus getting dressed in 15-20 minutes. and im not even in a rush during those times. imagine me when i am in a hurry to get ready. 10 minutes? haha. i can eat in 5-7 minutes and still be full. maybe that's why i'm always fat. haha. and i walk really fast. ask my friends, but i really walk briskly. and i don't even notice that i am, i am naturally a fast walker as if i'm in such a hurry. funny, i know. there are things i realize only when they are noticed by others. i wouldn't know all these stuff if nobody told me about it. and now, i'm in fast froward mode again. i want summer to be over. i want to go to college already. i want to grow up. but the season doesn't want to agree with me. i hate the heat, i hate getting sun burnt. i hate having to work at our store, while other kids get to go out somewhere. i hate getting bored. i hate getting fat. and most of all, i hate being away from my friends. i hate being disconnected. boo hoo summer.
i told my dulce isn't around. i returned to my old senseless, too informal way of writing. if you happen to pass by my dulce, tell him/her to come back. i need a lot of him/her when college starts.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
somewhere a clock is ticking
A few hours ago, I attended my second graduation, my high school graduation. It didn’t turn out the way I expected it to be. It seemed to happen so fast. I thought I’d get bored waiting for the whole diploma giving part to finish, but even that portion occurred rapidly. Probably, it was because I was either busy drooling over arjae’s new iPod or talking with joyce and arjae. I regret the fact that I didn’t pay much attention to the whole ceremony. It's almost as if my graduation was just an ordinary, nothing special. And now I am dealing with much shame because I failed to appreciate the fruit of my four years of planting. And too bad it only happens once, I won’t get the chance to do it right again.
I thought graduation was supposed to be the most emotional part of 4th year. Well, I was wrong. There were no crying, no hugging for consoling. After the singing of my last alma mater song, cameras soon flashed away. Endless picture were taken. Cranky here, wacky there. I didn’t know on which camera to look, but what the heck, cam whore forever! Haha. We did nothing but take pictures and hug each other as we bid each other goodbye (for the moment). Because we knew that we would see each other again, tomorrow or on the next few weeks. Graduation doesn’t mean goodbye for us. It’s not a phase where we would march and then walk away from high school, from our friends. We just don’t think that way.
But then again, I realize, when will we say goodbye? I don’t want to let go; I just want to prepare myself for what is to come. I don’t want to let go or be let go of the thread that binds me with my friends. Will there be a moment when I have to say goodbye to them? If there is, I just want to prepare myself for that time to come. I know college can be a hindrance for us not to have the same bond we have now. We may meet new friends, find someone special, but I hope that thread wouldn’t break.
But now that I still have the time to be with my friends, I will do my best to savor each moment, so that regrets wouldn’t come. I don’t want to feel the same guilt I felt after graduation.
The clock is still ticking, I will try to live each day as if it was my graduation day.
I thought graduation was supposed to be the most emotional part of 4th year. Well, I was wrong. There were no crying, no hugging for consoling. After the singing of my last alma mater song, cameras soon flashed away. Endless picture were taken. Cranky here, wacky there. I didn’t know on which camera to look, but what the heck, cam whore forever! Haha. We did nothing but take pictures and hug each other as we bid each other goodbye (for the moment). Because we knew that we would see each other again, tomorrow or on the next few weeks. Graduation doesn’t mean goodbye for us. It’s not a phase where we would march and then walk away from high school, from our friends. We just don’t think that way.
But then again, I realize, when will we say goodbye? I don’t want to let go; I just want to prepare myself for what is to come. I don’t want to let go or be let go of the thread that binds me with my friends. Will there be a moment when I have to say goodbye to them? If there is, I just want to prepare myself for that time to come. I know college can be a hindrance for us not to have the same bond we have now. We may meet new friends, find someone special, but I hope that thread wouldn’t break.
But now that I still have the time to be with my friends, I will do my best to savor each moment, so that regrets wouldn’t come. I don’t want to feel the same guilt I felt after graduation.
The clock is still ticking, I will try to live each day as if it was my graduation day.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
reasoning for an answer
I spent the whole day at our store, giving change, counting bills, answering phone calls and questioning myself. I was alone for about 60% of the day, thinking about questions that cannot give me any answers.
Why do some parents choose to work for so long instead of watching their child grow from a baby to a preteen?
How can a simple nursery song make moms cry?
How can I have unnoticed how much my sister has grown?
Can people in religious orders be as corrupt as politicians?
Why do people keep on working even if they don’t have any reason to work hard for?
Why are there people who choose to live a life making other people’s lives miserable?
How come my aunt wouldn’t stop talking about my college and how costly ateneo is?
Does jealousy kill? :D
How come ice drops are named as such?
How can something dirty taste so good when you eat it?
Why does an ensaymada have to shape like a twisted bun? (Guess now you know what I had for merienda.)
Are fathers supposed to be meaner than moms?
Am I being stereotypic when I say dads are more powerful than moms?
Does going to college mean moving out? (Cause that’s how I feel ;p)
Why am I afraid of college? Am I alone with this thought?
Does college promise freedom?
How far does one have to go in order to find happiness and true love?
Is it really true that love knows no boundaries, even if loving means breaking another’s heart?
Is falling in love without knowing what for reasonable?
Why do people tend to fall easily?
How can a simple ‘hi’ make one fall?
Why hasn’t phone beeped all day? (Fishing question ;p)
How can people be so insensitive? (Read: no longer related to preceding question)
What will become of me after college?
Will I be a doctor?
What’s for dinner?
Will he go online tonight?
Why ask questions even we can’t answer?
Man seeks for answers for questions he does not know. We tend to look for answers when in fact there aren’t any. We go off searching endlessly, yet go back defeated without an answer. Sometimes, we just have to let it go. Not all questions are meant to answered nor understood. They are just like that. And you don’t have to waste your time looking for answers. Life has a funny way of playing with us. It gives a mind that thinks and asks, and a heart that understands and answers. The mind keeps questioning, while our heart responds. That’s just the way it goes. And we don’t have to look for reasons why it happens.
Heart has reasons that reason cannot know.
Why do some parents choose to work for so long instead of watching their child grow from a baby to a preteen?
How can a simple nursery song make moms cry?
How can I have unnoticed how much my sister has grown?
Can people in religious orders be as corrupt as politicians?
Why do people keep on working even if they don’t have any reason to work hard for?
Why are there people who choose to live a life making other people’s lives miserable?
How come my aunt wouldn’t stop talking about my college and how costly ateneo is?
Does jealousy kill? :D
How come ice drops are named as such?
How can something dirty taste so good when you eat it?
Why does an ensaymada have to shape like a twisted bun? (Guess now you know what I had for merienda.)
Are fathers supposed to be meaner than moms?
Am I being stereotypic when I say dads are more powerful than moms?
Does going to college mean moving out? (Cause that’s how I feel ;p)
Why am I afraid of college? Am I alone with this thought?
Does college promise freedom?
How far does one have to go in order to find happiness and true love?
Is it really true that love knows no boundaries, even if loving means breaking another’s heart?
Is falling in love without knowing what for reasonable?
Why do people tend to fall easily?
How can a simple ‘hi’ make one fall?
Why hasn’t phone beeped all day? (Fishing question ;p)
How can people be so insensitive? (Read: no longer related to preceding question)
What will become of me after college?
Will I be a doctor?
What’s for dinner?
Will he go online tonight?
Why ask questions even we can’t answer?
Man seeks for answers for questions he does not know. We tend to look for answers when in fact there aren’t any. We go off searching endlessly, yet go back defeated without an answer. Sometimes, we just have to let it go. Not all questions are meant to answered nor understood. They are just like that. And you don’t have to waste your time looking for answers. Life has a funny way of playing with us. It gives a mind that thinks and asks, and a heart that understands and answers. The mind keeps questioning, while our heart responds. That’s just the way it goes. And we don’t have to look for reasons why it happens.
Heart has reasons that reason cannot know.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
outburst
When I have finally decided that I would go to ateneo, it felt like everything just fell into place, everything was sorted out. But nothing goes according to what I planned.
Bit by bit, I am starting to feel that I am being drifted away from high school, from my friends, from my comfort zone. And slowly, reality opens its doors to me. And I am not excited about it, I am freaking out! I don’t know what I am supposed to do now that I realized that when I stepped into college, I had no one to hold my back, no friends to make me feel secured.
So this is what I get for choosing my dream and following it. Everything has their catch, and this would be mine. While my friends are enjoying their college life and having all their luho, I’m stuck, studying and living in a budget.
I am scared. I’m scared of losing my friends. I might not be there when reunions are put together, or when they have their gimmicks. I am scared that I might cast myself out from them. I am scared of living out of my comfort zone, out of the life I used to live. Adapting has never been easy for me. Worse, I am adapting alone. I am scared of being a loner and having no friends. I am scared that depression would affect my life.
I just want to feel secured.
just gone emo, sorry. hahaha.
Friday, March 02, 2007
how to fly
My first year in high school was a year of adjustment, a year to adapt myself to the jungle called high school. It has also become a year to make a new start, a new set of friends, a new identity. I remember, before I went to La Salle, I was having qualms as to whether or not I should take the risk of meeting strangers and detaching myself from my elementary friends. Well, I didn’t really have much of a social life during grade school, just a couple of friends. Moreover, I was very anti-social then. I was the unpopular girl with the geeky glasses, lousy fashion sense, and the little miss teapot of the class. I was so scared if I would still have that shameful image in high school. I wanted to have a new name, a new personality, something I would be proud of. And high school gave me that opportunity to do so. Although during level 7, I was still somewhat geeky and dorky at the same time.
After four years of seeking and figuring out what I am and what my identity is, I finally realized that I managed, actually successfully, found my identity. I am still the unpopular girl but without the geeky glasses or the people-phobia I used to have then. I learned to be more open, to be more sincere about people and learning to appreciate them. I have gained my own style and somehow managed to live up to it. No more qualms, no more doubts. The four years that was given to me enabled me to be true to myself and to let myself, well, just be myself. And if I would be given the chance to live it again, I would like the same four years to remain the same, just the way I lived it for the first time. I would want the same friends, the same classrooms, the same teachers, and the same experiences.
High school was not perfect; it was still a jungle. It has been a jungle full of mazes and twists that lets you find your way on your own. I have been lost while I was on my way, even had detours and restarts, but still, I continued to walk. I continued to reach for that optimum which I still don’t know what is. But whatever it is, I will reach for it. I will soon soar higher as an eagle, and that opportunity will take me closer to reaching whatever it is somewhere in the sky. But as I rise up high, I will always look back to where I have started because it was in la salle, it was in high school when I first learned how to fly.
After four years of seeking and figuring out what I am and what my identity is, I finally realized that I managed, actually successfully, found my identity. I am still the unpopular girl but without the geeky glasses or the people-phobia I used to have then. I learned to be more open, to be more sincere about people and learning to appreciate them. I have gained my own style and somehow managed to live up to it. No more qualms, no more doubts. The four years that was given to me enabled me to be true to myself and to let myself, well, just be myself. And if I would be given the chance to live it again, I would like the same four years to remain the same, just the way I lived it for the first time. I would want the same friends, the same classrooms, the same teachers, and the same experiences.
High school was not perfect; it was still a jungle. It has been a jungle full of mazes and twists that lets you find your way on your own. I have been lost while I was on my way, even had detours and restarts, but still, I continued to walk. I continued to reach for that optimum which I still don’t know what is. But whatever it is, I will reach for it. I will soon soar higher as an eagle, and that opportunity will take me closer to reaching whatever it is somewhere in the sky. But as I rise up high, I will always look back to where I have started because it was in la salle, it was in high school when I first learned how to fly.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
the morning after
It’s true, nothing ever comes out perfect. No matter how much you prepare for something, it will not guarantee to disaster proof whatever you’re planning.
And my prom is not excused from any mishaps either.
Spell kapangitan. I hated my hair. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I just wanted simple. And the gay meant something else with simple. Yeah sure, it was simple, but not the simple I wanted. And imagine the tons of spray net he put on my hair! Even the make up wasn’t as good as last year’s.
Early arrival. Being so excited for the prom and conscious of getting late, I arrived very early for prom. Good thing, I had some friends to hang out with and make pula with while waiting for the start of the prom. Gawd, it was just so fun secretly laughing at other people’s looks. I mean, prom is a night of fashion do’s and don’ts. Haha. And our number one don’t, blue hair won’t win you any award. A big NO. I just realized, arriving early isn’t bad after all, so better not include this one. Lol.
A woman’s right to shoes---comfortable shoes. I have been complaining allnight about how bad my feet hurt. The prom hasn’t even started and they were already aching hell. The stupid 3-inch stilettos I bought supposedly for mass dance almost ruined my night. I still managed to dance and dance and dance even though my feet were hurting. Anything for a dance. Haha.
Lost and found and lost again. It was just a joke I pulled and was not supposed to be taken seriously. I am so sorry you have to go and look for me in the crowd. Really, it’s okay for me not to dance with you. And I’m sorry I took up some of your prom time just to try to look for a moving target.
A text away. This has got to be one of my biggest regrets for the night morning. Well, I just gave myself the benefit of the doubt, but wasn’t too patient to wait that I did benefited. I read your message too late. The prom was over. Too bad I didn’t have my last dance with you. Well, you could’ve approached me and asked me yourself, but you didn’t. I had my “what if’s”, but I realized there was something better than having a last dance with you, a last dance with the people who cherish and love me more than you ever will. I don’t blame myself for not reading your text earlier because I know if I did, I might just look too pathetic in front of you, asking you to dance with me. no bitterness anymore.
##################
For one fleeting moment, I realized one thing. Maybe I am really not in love with you. During that two minutes being alone with you, the sparks didn’t fly. There was no feeling of happiness that finally I am getting what I’ve dreamt of since last year’s prom. I was only happy, laughing on how silly you were trying to play with me, but frankly, hindi siya nakakakilig at all. haha. silly me.
##################
Just to remember how silly I have been during that moment...
Know I havent slept a week at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes are kinda tired
From crying all night long
Know I’ve never been too good at cooking just for one
It’s so lonely here without you darling
Come back home
‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
Know life hasnt been much fun at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes being to feel
Each time I hear a sound
I spent every minute asking myself
What went wrong
Can’t we try to talk it over baby
Come back home
‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could love you like I do
‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could ever love you
No one else could ever be
Half crazy
Feeling sorry for myself
And I’m worried you’ll find someone else
Feeling sorry for myself
Half crazy
And my prom is not excused from any mishaps either.
Spell kapangitan. I hated my hair. It didn’t turn out the way I wanted. I just wanted simple. And the gay meant something else with simple. Yeah sure, it was simple, but not the simple I wanted. And imagine the tons of spray net he put on my hair! Even the make up wasn’t as good as last year’s.
Early arrival. Being so excited for the prom and conscious of getting late, I arrived very early for prom. Good thing, I had some friends to hang out with and make pula with while waiting for the start of the prom. Gawd, it was just so fun secretly laughing at other people’s looks. I mean, prom is a night of fashion do’s and don’ts. Haha. And our number one don’t, blue hair won’t win you any award. A big NO. I just realized, arriving early isn’t bad after all, so better not include this one. Lol.
A woman’s right to shoes---comfortable shoes. I have been complaining all
Lost and found and lost again. It was just a joke I pulled and was not supposed to be taken seriously. I am so sorry you have to go and look for me in the crowd. Really, it’s okay for me not to dance with you. And I’m sorry I took up some of your prom time just to try to look for a moving target.
A text away. This has got to be one of my biggest regrets for the night morning. Well, I just gave myself the benefit of the doubt, but wasn’t too patient to wait that I did benefited. I read your message too late. The prom was over. Too bad I didn’t have my last dance with you. Well, you could’ve approached me and asked me yourself, but you didn’t. I had my “what if’s”, but I realized there was something better than having a last dance with you, a last dance with the people who cherish and love me more than you ever will. I don’t blame myself for not reading your text earlier because I know if I did, I might just look too pathetic in front of you, asking you to dance with me. no bitterness anymore.
##################
For one fleeting moment, I realized one thing. Maybe I am really not in love with you. During that two minutes being alone with you, the sparks didn’t fly. There was no feeling of happiness that finally I am getting what I’ve dreamt of since last year’s prom. I was only happy, laughing on how silly you were trying to play with me, but frankly, hindi siya nakakakilig at all. haha. silly me.
##################
Just to remember how silly I have been during that moment...
Know I havent slept a week at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes are kinda tired
From crying all night long
Know I’ve never been too good at cooking just for one
It’s so lonely here without you darling
Come back home
‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
Know life hasnt been much fun at all
Since you’ve been gone
And my eyes being to feel
Each time I hear a sound
I spent every minute asking myself
What went wrong
Can’t we try to talk it over baby
Come back home
‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could love you like I do
‘Cause I’m half crazy
Feelin’ sorry for myself
Half crazy
Worried you’d find someone else to love
But baby there is no-one else
Half crazy
For everything you saying
Half crazy
No one else could ever love you
No one else could ever be
Half crazy
Feeling sorry for myself
And I’m worried you’ll find someone else
Feeling sorry for myself
Half crazy
Thursday, February 08, 2007
prom prom prom
More than a month ago, I have been excitedly preparing myself for this year’s prom. I wanted it to be all so perfect. Perfect gown. Perfect shoes. Perfect hair. Perfect body. Nope, erase that, not possible. So I decided to start off very early. Never did I realize that it wouldn’t turn out the way I expected it to be. My last post was a mess. I was a mess during that time. I have been very frustrated, depressed and worried of how my gown turned out. It was simply disastrous. I started to get paranoid that everything else could come out as a wreck. For two days I have been complaining about prom and everything else. Thankfully, after getting my fixed gown, prom seemed to gain a new light. Whew. So even if my gown’s still not as good as I expected, it didn’t stop me from all the excitement you get for prom night. All the dancing, eating, dressing up, and looking your best are the things that makes me get all these butterflies. Psyched!
So there’s one thing missing, a date. I thought having a date would make my last prom memorable. I whined about not having one, and felt bitter when one friend gets asked out. I finally got over that state of depression when I realized, hell, so what if I don’t have a date? That wouldn’t ruin my prom!. So I am officially going date-less. But I managed to snag kenji as my entrance escort. That will be enough.
This is my last prom. I am going to dance as if I just got high. I am going to eat as if I don’t have a weight problem. And I am going to enjoy as if it were my last. Well, it is my last after all.
So there’s one thing missing, a date. I thought having a date would make my last prom memorable. I whined about not having one, and felt bitter when one friend gets asked out. I finally got over that state of depression when I realized, hell, so what if I don’t have a date? That wouldn’t ruin my prom!. So I am officially going date-less. But I managed to snag kenji as my entrance escort. That will be enough.
This is my last prom. I am going to dance as if I just got high. I am going to eat as if I don’t have a weight problem. And I am going to enjoy as if it were my last. Well, it is my last after all.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Friday, February 02, 2007
was hanging on for hope
I saw you today twice. Well, I was expecting I would bump in to you today, hoping you would give comments of last night’s ‘talk’, but in those two times we’ve met, you seemed not to know me. You didn’t even greet me nor nod your head. It was like I never existed in your world. How can you be like that? How can you treat me like you only talk to me when you need something? I know I have been kind of a fool, helping you with things, but I think of them as opportunities to know you. I guess we don’t have the same purpose. Maybe, you just wanted to get the better of me. Am I really just your tutor, ready to help you when you need it? You are such a fake. Why can’t you just leave me alone and let me try to forget about you. I have been trying so hard, but you just keep coming back. Try to be real, even for once. I just don’t want to hang on for hope anymore.
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